Another 'What would you do?' thread I'm afraid.....

[inanidealworld]

DS is 4.5 Generally he is not shy & loves playing with other kids but he can be quite sensitive at times. Recently he said one of the boys at nursery had pushed him resulting in a grazed elbow. I told him that next time he should firmly say 'don't do that or I'll push you back'(don't really want to teach him violence but at the same time don't want him to be a pushover) and tell one of the teachers. He said that if he did that the boy might cry and tell the teacher first so that he would be the one in trouble.
How would you deal with this sort of thing?
Another thing is he refers to some of the other boys and their 'favourite' friends but he doesn't seem to have one and often says 'I just play by myself'. I would be sad if he was the lonely boy in the playground. Do you think this will sort it self out once he goes to school? He is only at nursery 2 days a week.
Sorry this is a bit long.

kids odnt have best mates for ages imo
a dn tbh i dont htink boys ever do

ask nurseyr what to do and take it fom there

Agree with Porcupine.
AND that 'I just play by myself' comment is often very misleading IMO: usually all it really means is that, during a whole day of lovely play with others, there was a short moment when they were on their own - and that's the moment they tend to remember and scare us silly with!

My dd at the age always told me she didn't have anyone to play with. Even when she was in reception she still said the same thing. One day I went and peeked in the school playgroup at lunchtime and she had a whole host of people playing with her. Her teacher told me too that she was never on her own!

Oh and your ds is probably right about the pushing back thing: he may well get into trouble.
Why not encourage him to say, "No, I don't like that!" VERY loudly. That way, a teacher will probably hear and come to investigate..

About the friend thing - I agree that it's early for him to have a 'best' friend. If you are worried, have a word with the nursery staff as they will see who he plays with regularly. He probably doesn't spend much, if any, time on his own.

About the pushing thing - I wouldn't advise telling him to even suggest he'd push back. If he just says 'don't' in a loud voice it should be enough to stop anyone pushing him and then no-one can say he did push them.

HTH

they playa lone for ages even the most popular kids

I tell dd (4.5) in that sort of situation to say "I'm not going to play with you if you do that" and then find someone else to play with. She's a bit shy & seems to be friendly with the other quieter children. I think it's early days with the whole friendships thing at this age, so much can change as they progress through school.

oh and ds3 told me he played alone recently
oyu shodul have heard hte guffaws form nursery staff

Yes, and actually that's not a bad skill to have in life, is it?

I mean - being content to play on your own for a bit

dd1's the same re friends at nursery. Her book is full of names of kids she plays with but if I ask her who she played with today she says 'nobody'.

I'm teaching her to say 'No! Go away!' to kids who push/throw things etc. (not sure it's working though )

I knew you'd all talk sense.
You are right when I ask the nursery staff they say he usually plays with everyone although there was an occasion when he just didn't want anyone near him and would just cry. I suppose I'm concerned because he has said he played alone several times. I also agree that enjoying your own company at times is not a bad thing.
bobsyouruncle - I like the 'I won't play with you' tack.