I need a rant

[Gingerfishpogo]

I need a rant so here goes.

I have decided I am a terrible father. My 2 daughters never listen to a word I say. They don't do anything I ask like getting dressed or tidying stuff away until I have asked about 100 times. By then I have totally lost my shit.

My wife and I are both shift workers. She has an incurable lung condition and is always tired or poorly.

I have an interview for a new role on Monday with sod all time to prepare for it as i am working all weekend and am in the middle of writing a promotion portfolio.

The house looks like it's been burgled as i haven't had time to tidy up in the last week and there is shit everywhere.

I keep losing my rag with my kids and they don't deserve it and I never get anytime to sort out our lives.

Stop the world I want to get off.

Do I feel better?. . . . . No.

Back to writing the promotion portfolio.

Bless you no, not the world's worst parent just one who is (understandably) pretty stressed at the moment & who ,maybe needs to just prioritise the essentials for a while until you can get your head above water.
SO - an untidy house is annoying & can make you feel more stressed true BUT is it really worth making yourself feel so cross about it & letting it spoil your time with the kids?

Your wife is poorly and juggling work & kids too, so you both need to work this out together within the limits of her capabilities. Make lists together to help prioritise who is doing what when.

Do you have any close friend or family who could help out - take the kids off your hands for a few hours at weekends, cook a few things for the freezer so you always have stuff to grab for a warm meal? Do online shopping at night.

Could you run to a cleaner even if just once a fortnight to help you both feel on top of it all a bit?

Finally stop trying to be superman! You aren't but that's ok, no one expects you to be really, just do your best, slow down & take a breath. I'd say speak to your manager at work about it but guess if trying for promotion you don't want to. If you get it would it pay more somyou can buy in help &/or your wife do less hours so she can rest ?
I say the same to you as I would a wife in this position - slow down & take a few deep breaths regularly or you will burn yourself out !
Take care.

Thanks.

Promotion wouldn't pay more initially. I am in the police and a first year sergeant (the rank I am applying for) will earn the same rate as a top rate PC (Which I am).
It's just that I have missed out on promotion twice and I owe it to myself to start taking my career a bit more seriously.

Parenting is much much much much harder than dealing with a violent prisoner though!

I think it's more normal than you'd know for family life to descend into this sort of chaos.

The trouble is, wrangling children and avoiding tantrums and defiance requires fun and patience and creativity from you, all of which are understandably running on empty right now.

I find recognising that and then digging deep to find some laughter and happiness helps the kids to respond better to everything, and starts the spiral to go gradually back in the right direction, rather than downwards into more shouty stress.

Housework is not the top priority when you are sinking, but if you can find the time to do an hours blitz of it here and there it makes a big difference to not feeling overwhelmed.

Gingerfish
HA! My ex was a copper. He used to say give him a crowd of drunks taking a swing at each other rather than toddler wrangling!

Whilst I sympathise about you wanting to advance your career, given the extra hassle you get as a sarge for the same pay as you are on, could you may be wait another year or so just to get the girls that little bit older ?

Do you have any family support? I know it can be hard to ask for help but often grandparents / aunties/ uncles would gladly help if they thought you were both struggling- don't put a brave face on it all, parenting is tough, make life as easy as you can for yourselves.