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Parenting

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Original poster

Preparing my two year old for my disappearance for 5 days.

15 replies

handlemecarefully · 30/07/2004 00:04

Dh and I are going to Rome for 5 days in September without the children (by that time they will be aged 2.2 years and 5 months old). It's an all expenses paid '5 star' trip that my husband has earnt through work. Kids are not allowed. Tbh I don't want to leave them, but my dh has already forfeited going to Mauritius on a similar trip last year (because I wouldn't leave my dd who was then one years old) and he has put me under a lot of pressure to go on this trip, saying it will be good for us etc....and that I need to prioritise him occasionally.

My mum and dad will look after the kids and my dd loves them so that's fine. But I do think she will be freaked out by my absence for 5 days... (I don't suppose baby ds will mind as long as he is fed!!!)Any ideas of how I might 'prepare' her for this so that she isn't shocked and traumatised when it happens? She doesn't seem to have much concept of time yet (i.e. how do I explain that we will be away for a few days but are definitely coming back...)

OP posts:

Original poster

handlemecarefully · 03/08/2004 08:52

well thanks....i see that i have been flooded with suggestions !!!!

OP posts:

wobblyknicks · 03/08/2004 08:58

Sorry hmc!!! What about getting/printing a calender for her and in preparation, for the next 5 days you cross off a day each day and then say thats the same as when you'll be away - iykwim. Then when you're away, your parents can help her cross off the days like you did with her earlier, and she'll have some sort of handle on when you're back.

expatkat · 03/08/2004 09:30

I think if it were me going away (and I have done, for longer, though not with dh--which is a slightly differerent situation of course) I would talk to the 2-yr-old about it and explain we'd be going away BUT COMING BACK. And while I think the wobblyknicks idea of a calendar is fantastic for an older child, I think for a 2-yr-old, unless it's a highly sophisticated 2-yr-old, a calendar will go straight over his/her head. They don't have a good sense of time at that age; 5 hours might as well be 5 weeks and vice versa. If anything, making TOO big a deal about your departure might backfire by making the whole thing scarier. But I do think preparation in the way of an explanation is in order. And you might also say (which is what my parents said, and they FREQUENTLY went away for much longer, at least twice a year, sometimes for 3 weeks at a time) that you'll bring back a special present from the trip! Kids, even at age 2, are surprisingly materialistic (or didn't ya know ).

By way of reassurance, my brother and I got left with our grandparents a lot, and those weeks I spent with them were some of the most special of my whole childhood. Sometime kids need a holiday from their parents too! They really will be fine without you for a short while, even though it fuels our self-importance as parents to believe otherwise.

Tissy · 03/08/2004 09:43

I agree that calendars might be a bit OTT for a 2 year old, but a sticker chart might work. You could have a chart with 5 spaces and tell dd that you and dh will be going away for 5 "sleeps". Granny will give dd a sticker to put on the chart every morning and when the chart is full you will be coming back WITH A PRESENT! The promise of presents always works for my dd who is just a couple of months older. BTW, when I was away for a couple of days a few months ago, i decided not to phone my dd as I thought it would confuse her.

HTH

Tissy · 03/08/2004 09:44

great minds think alike

sandyballs · 03/08/2004 09:51

You lucky thing - have a fantastic time. It will do you and dh the world of good to have some time alone together and that will be reflected onto the children when you return. I'm sure they will have a great time with their grandparents, get spoilt rotten, it will be like a holiday to them as well. Try not to worry about them and just enjoy yourselves - I wish it was me and my dh.

malinki · 03/08/2004 10:35

I agree with Tissy, stickers worked with my DD, when DH took me away to Paris for our 10th WA, she was 2 at the time, the 1st thing she said was "Did you bring me something", oh yeah for the 1st 10 minutes she was all over us, hugging and kissing etc etc, then all the way home she was a stroppy 2 year old, when I spoke to my parents (who had her for the 4 days we were away), she told me that she was paying us back for leaving her, apparently not uncommon in children or pets according to my mum, sure enough she does it every time we go away, (we go away for our anniversary evey year), then we do something special with her for Easter.

Kayleigh · 03/08/2004 10:42

handlemecarefully, maybe you could wrap her 5 little presents so she can open one each day and she knows when all the presents have gone you'll be home.

I agree with the not phoning. I went to NY a while ago for 5 days and only phoned once my kids were in bed to talk to dh. I have made the mistake of phoning when I have stayed away overnight and my ds1 who was absolutely fine has gone to pieces when he's heard my voice. Not nice for either of you .
However if you do feel you absolutely have to speak to your dd- do it in the morning and not just before bedtime.

Have a fab time.

Blu · 03/08/2004 11:30

Has she spent overnight trips with your M&D before? If not, do a one nighter and then a two nighter. When I left my DS at the same age, the thing that freaked him (the first time) was that I was not back by the 2nd bedtime.
I think they need the learned experience that when people go, they come back. Then she will be absolutely fine. ENJOY YOUR TRIP.

smellymelly · 03/08/2004 11:32

We have just been away for 2 weeks (honeymoon!) without kids - went to dh's parents. And they were fine, age 4.5 and 22 months. We missed them loads in the last few days, but what a treat to have a 2 weeks break without broken nights, whining voices in the morning - 'can I have my breakfast?' and pooey nappies etc.

Just go and have fun!!!

essbee · 03/08/2004 11:44

Message withdrawn

wellsie · 03/08/2004 13:43

HMC, DH & I have just spent our first night away from DS who is 7mths and it was great!
Yes we missed him and I worried but I was determined to have a good time and I only called home to say we got to our destination ok. I thought what's the point in me phoning every 5mins, what can I do?
My advice would be not to phone home. Leave lots of contact numbers for your parents but in the main enjoy yourself - you've worked very hard and deserve a holiday with DH.
I'm sure your DD will be fine, perhaps you could try whats already been suggested and send DD to grandparents for a night just so she's used to being put to bed by them.
I would also do Tissy's idea of a chart - love that!

Please, please enjoy yourself. It might be a while before you get this chance again. One thing I've learnt from my weekend away with DH is that we must make more time for each other as we've kind of lost sight of our relationship.
Have fun and relax!!

mrsflowerpot · 03/08/2004 13:49

We've left ds (now 3y4m) with both sets of grandparents several times for up to 3 days. He's always been fine, never missed us in the slightest - too busy having fun and getting spoiled rotten. We always play up the 'you're going for a special trip to Grandma's' rather than 'mummy and daddy are going away'.

Both grandmas usually plan lots of things to do and talk to him on the phone about it in advance - my mum is particularly good at this, she sends him cuttings from leaflets of places they're going to go etc (doesn't have to be anything big, one time it was just that he really really wanted to go on a double decker bus so she sent him a picture of one ). It all just becomes a big adventure for him. He always always expects a present when we get back though...

wild · 04/08/2004 13:35

I think you should go and not worry. We left 21 month ds with grandparents for 10 days in June (also Rome. A good wine bar is Cul-de-Sac off Piazza Navona we really liked that area). Ds doesn't see grandparents a great deal as they live fairly far away and it brought them a good deal closer. Ds goes to nursery full-time so he is used to being left, but I think if you are fairly relaxed about it dd will be too. My mother just said to ds we were in Rome - he's too young to take a lot in, and no adult explanation would make a great deal of sense so keep it simple! He kept talking about his grandad for ages afterwards, gave his toy penguin eye-drops and to my horror exclaimed 'come on lady' at someone having a bit of bother parking. I want him to have a lot of good relationships outside the immediate family and be resouceful and independent when he's older. If you phone, speak to grandparents when dd is in bed and they can reassure you, in my case ds had been taken off to a party with friends where he had a great time (better social life than I have!) Have to say grandparents were exhausted, tho. We usually arrnange for babysitter and book dinner for them halfway through. Five days will go so quickly. Have fun!

Original poster

handlemecarefully · 05/08/2004 22:39

Thank you all very much for the suggestions (I love the 5 presents idea, and so will dd!), and also for the reassurance from those of you who have left their own small children for a few days. Yes, you're right - we should damn well make sure we enjoy this rare opportunity of a break!

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