Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Struggling to like older DS now younger ds is here

50 replies

Prusik · 08/02/2018 14:24

I hate myself for this. DH is off work today so it's not too bad but tomorrow he's working and I'm dreading spending the day with older DS.

He's 13 months and just really bloody awful at the moment. Fights nap changes, getting dressed, gets cross with toys, whinges at me 24/7, screams (loads) and is generally a handful. Pretty much your typical challenging 13 month old.

Im trying so desperately to meet his needs but with a 3 week old ebf velcro baby I am really failing to keep ds1 happy.its just hideous and ds2 is still at the stage where he's feeding constantly so even a trip to the local shops results in newborn screaming.

I feel like ive ruined ds1's little life and he needs more from me that i just can't give and where hes so unhappy and I'm so tired i just don't want to be around him.

Please help. I hate myself right now

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PoshPenny · 09/02/2018 08:29

This not liking being laid flat and screaming if she was on her back was why I used the seat as she was more comfortable that way. (And I could carry her around with me room to room. I know it's not recommended, but the babies haven't read the recommendations and having them calm and settled is the priority xx

HumpHumpWhale · 09/02/2018 08:35

Oh God, the first few weeks of having two kids is a total shocker. I found DC2 much easier than DC1 in terms of the baby aspect of it, but dealing with 2 was so so hard, iyswim. And DS was over 2.5 when DD was born. 13 months isn't even a toddler! Fair play to you for keeping everyone alive and feed so far. It's all going to get much easier, you just have to persevere through this tough bit. And get help if you can, so you can have one to one time with both of them. DH was overseas from when DD was 2 weeks to 8 weeks, so I got a girl to come twice a week to take DS to the park, and my PILs/parents/sister (various people came to help at different points) would take DD for a couple of hours every evening so I could give DS his dinner and put him to bed, and those two things were amazing. Life-changing. That quiet time with DS, when I didn't feel guilty or torn between them, was so helpful to our relationship. And my sanity.

damekindness · 09/02/2018 08:38

I remember the horror of having babies 16 months apart. I went back to work full time after 3 months of it - for which I count myself quite lucky - full time parenthood was hideous at that time - going back to work was the easier option

Hang on in there, because to be a bit more optimistic it did get better because the age gap after a couple of years meant that they had ready made playmates which takes the pressure off being the sole entertainment provider later

Obviously once they hit their teens they fought like cat and dog

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old 1 year olds Babies & sleep Families

BigSandyBalls2015 · 09/02/2018 09:21

That sounds like a really really hard age gap, your eldest is still a young baby!

I've got twins and I think that was easier - at least they were in the same routine most of the time.

Just think how fab it's going to be when they're a bit older, playing together, just do what you can to get through this tricky stage.

Original poster

Prusik · 09/02/2018 10:13

Tell you what is beautiful...when ds1 naps. He's a very good napper!

OP posts:

Branleuse · 09/02/2018 10:20

mate, I had two babies in a year and I barely remember doing much except crying and surviving for about a year, possibly even two.
Youre having conflicting emotions because you are overwhelmed and physically and emotionally depleted. You really need to take a bit of care of yourself where you can, make sure youre prioritising eating and sleeping where you can, as you cant pour from an empty cup.
Do not give yourself a hard time. You havent ruined anyones life

Rach000 · 09/02/2018 10:33

Must be hard with a new born and 13 month. I have a new born and a nearly 3 year old and that's hard enough. Also I have had thoughts of liking the baby more as the toddler is hard work and argumenative.
I would say use a sling. Get food shopping delivered. Try I get you oldest to watch tv for a bit if they will. Can your in-laws take the eldest for a few hours? You don't want them hanging around trying to help as that's not very relaxing for you.
You sound to be doing a good job. The baby will have to meet to cry at times, I have had to leave my baby alone a bit more than I would with my first. She is always somewhere safe and I keep an eye on her.

DoodleCat · 09/02/2018 10:41

I agree with all the other posters, you're doing brilliantly.

Only one thing to add - clothes... If the older doesn't want to get dressed then leave it. They won't be harmed wearing PJ's.

Original poster

Prusik · 09/02/2018 17:21

Survived!! DH will be home within fifteen minutes.

My friend came twice today so Ds was sufficiently entertained. He's currently bopping in his highchair to 'ice ice baby's on radio two and enjoying a bit of roast gammon and sweet potato.

Newborn has been feeding literally all afternoon.

One more day on my own and dh will be off Sunday! Oh yeh, and it's my birthday Monday

OP posts:

junpinline · 09/02/2018 17:28

Nothin constructive to add OP but my mum had my brother and I 10 months apart. I'm the older child and she has told me she felt really guilty when db was born... but I don't remember anything of it obviously and we have a great relationship now! So please don't feel guilty...

pastabest · 09/02/2018 17:35

From speaking to friends and family it seems there is guilt no matter what the age gap.

Well you are doing better than me today Pru I've just dropped a roasting tin of potatoes on the kitchen floor when I was trying to put them back in the oven. Oil and slightly warm potato all over the tiles.

What's that saying - everyone fed no one dead. Not sure I'm going to manage the fed bit tonight .

has DS1 discovered 'the stick song' yet?

Original poster

Prusik · 09/02/2018 18:19

@pastabest takeaway is the answer! The stick song??

OP posts:

pastabest · 09/02/2018 20:08

Sadly we are so rural there aren't really any takeaway options other than the chippy 4 miles away, and we already had one of those on Tuesday .

I ahem, decided that as the potatoes were going to be roasted at a high temperature that a few seconds on the floor might not matter too much. They tasted lovely.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=K05N2jqFHc8

The stick song. Seems to cheer DD up at the 4pm witching whinging hour when it's too early for bed, too late for a nap but she's fed up of everything and just wants to cling to me while I try and get supper started.

Original poster

Prusik · 10/02/2018 04:52

@pastabest tbf I would have rescued the potatoes too but I'm just gutted for you about the oil on your floor. That would have been a pig to clear up. I'll check out the stick song in the morning

OP posts:

winterwonderly · 10/02/2018 05:07

I have a 13 month age gap and it's tough, you rarely get a break! We're nearly 3 months in and I'm starting to feel like things are getting slightly better. My best decision has been to keep the older one in childcare 1 or 2 days a week. It gives me a chance to do things around the house, take the baby to a class, go out for a coffee with a sleeping baby rather than a toddler who needs entertained, or just have a pyjama day when I nap when baby naps!

You're doing an amazing job and it will get easier!

Original poster

Prusik · 10/02/2018 10:40

Thanks @winterwonderly. Unfortunately we can't afford childcare. Our decision to have two close in age is so that I can continue to work evenings and then when the boys are older, I can evaluate what I want to do for work.

So I'm not going to win any parenting awards today but we left the house! I spilt mildly warm coffee on newborns leg and carseat while putting him in the car but because toddler was already packed into car I thought 'fuck it' and just grabbed a clean blanket. We made it to the bank. The machine ate my card and took my money. Toddler screamed ALL the way home. Newborn left in car seat in hallway, toddler put to bed. newborn nappy explosion!

Now I'm sat enjoying the quiet of feeding newborn. Unfortunately I didnt manage to grab myself a drink though. BUT we made it out and survived. Main thing is I didn't get stressed and took it all with good humour

OP posts:

yummyeclair · 10/02/2018 10:46

My DS2 DS1 14 months apart. Didn't do a lot with DS1 . Don't feel guilty. Afraid it is a case of sticking it out but they are great buddies .Now 6 and 7 and so much fun. I did feel like that at times too but love them both dearly. You are doing a great job - he will not have any negative effects.

MikeUniformMike · 10/02/2018 15:05

Kids that close in age will probably have a very close bond. Well done for making it out and getting back.

icantdothis2017 · 10/02/2018 15:18

I think your doing amazing op.
I struggle with just my two year old let alone two babies .
Well done for making it out

Chillywhippet · 10/02/2018 15:37

I had a bigger gap but i remember what i thought life would be like with 2 DC. DD1 didn't agree. She hit DD2 if we had visitors etc

One day when DD2 was 3 months old we sat on the sofa and I fed DD2 while reading a book to DD1. It was a fleeting moment. The first time life felt like how I imagined. It soon went back to chaos.

Slowly we got there and moved from just getting by to being pretty OK but it took months.

You're doing great

Original poster

Prusik · 12/02/2018 20:56

Such a lovely day with my boys today. Ds1 has cut a tooth so that'll explain why he's been such a terror.

Today he was his sunny self full of laughs, smiles and cuddles. We went to the chemist to pick up a prescription as our day trip and it went without a hitch.

Feel like I nailed it today

OP posts:

Chillywhippet · 12/02/2018 21:36

Yeah

pastabest · 12/02/2018 22:00

Teething has a lot to answer for.

Glad things are looking up.

Original poster

Prusik · 14/02/2018 10:39

Bad bad day today. Had a 3am spat with dh because toddler was screaming and we disagreed about how to deal with it. Newborn increasingly uncomfortable at night (maybe reflux) and I'm very tired.

I've found myself being cross with ds1 for doing nothing other than be your usual 13 month old.

Just want to cry

OP posts:

Chugalug · 14/02/2018 10:54

Oh guys..I miss these days so much..my kids are 20 ,19, 17. And 8.. I'd give anything for a day with them new born again. ...your sooooo lucky .and it honestly does get easier ,although also more difficult in a different way....like now they are small you have them near you and you can keep them safe..but at teenage yrs ,oh it one worry after another...unfortunately they have a mind of their own ..good luck guys your doing great

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread