Town vs country living for kids.

[Hedgehog46]

When I was young we lived on a typical housing estate in a nice town but my parents alway wanted to live in the countryside, they worked really hard and when I was 12 and my brother was 15 they bought the house of their dreams on the outskirt or a small village. The house was amazing but I felt a bit isolated all my friends would walk home together, go into town, I couldn’t get a bus as there was no stop near my house so my mum picked us up on the way home from work which was nice of her but I still felt a bit left out, I stayed in at weekends because I didn’t think it was fair to keep asking my parents to drop me off and pick me up. It got better when I started working and driving at 18 but I still didn’t go on nights out if I knew I couldn’t get a lift back. Anyway I met my hubby 2 years ago and we got married 3 weeks ago, we talked about buying a house together, he has his own but it’s too small and I still live with my parents anyway it turns out he is also a country person and has fallen in love with the village many parents live in and wants to buy a house that’s for sale there 😩 I alway thought I would move back to town when I was older, I have a 4 year old dd and I don’t want her to feel like I did I know it doesn’t matter in primary school but it does get harder as they get older. Any thoughts?

If you’re willing to do the lifts for your children that makes a difference.
Also, a good busy village with a few shops and meeting places is different to the back end of beyond.
Is there any bus service?

Can’t you do the suburbs instead?

I adore suburbia! I know, I’m weird.

I’m a Londoner, and grew up in a suburb, and have lived in two other London suburbs - one of which I also liked, the one we’re currently in, I hate, but not because it’s a suburb.

I’ve lived in two Central London locations, and whilst very convenient, just too busy and noisy for my liking, and not enough greenery.

I lived in a different UK city for a year, and suffered from dreadful depression - too far from London and family, and felt too isolated and rural.

DH and I disagree so much on locations, but because he is a postcode snob and I’m not! We agree wholeheartedly that rural, or semi-rural are just not for us.

Me and my hubby grew up in villages and loved it but since having dc for several reasons ended up buying a house within walking distance of town center and it has changed our lives! Before I would spend hours driving round in circles dropping/picking up kids now they can walk/bike to most places. If they stay late at school no issues with buses they just walk home. I have my life back! Kids are really independent and growing in confidence

Also means hubby and me can go out and both have a drink as we can walk home or taxi is only a few quid.

We have both decided we would never live outside of a town again as it is so convenient to live in a town - ad when we want a country walk we have a short car ride and some stunning countryside to explore.

Out of towner here, I am the family taxi, have been forever, I do it with a smile because I don't want my children to feel like you did. If you like the village house buy it, I love living in a village but make sure DH does his share of being the taxi service too. It's a soulless task that eats into your life.

From various things I've read (incl MN threads) it seems there is a small window of time - basically primary school years - where countryside living seems to suit dc really well. Before that and after that, being in easy reach of amenities is more beneficial and being isolated is a real pain.

Being in reach of amenities doesn't have to mean city centre though, it could mean edge of market town, village with regular bus service to town, suburbs of large town etc. Then you can still get enough green without the isolation.

We lived in a rural area when DS was a teen. We did end up driving him around a good deal but it mostly fitted in with us coming and going anyway. We were 4 miles from the nearest village and he cycled quite a bit too.

Where do the two of you want to live. Ultimately, I think that's more important (and where can you realistically afford to buy). Kids are pretty adaptable and I think it probably depends more on your dc's personality than anything. As adults before we got married, my dh and I lived in towns/big cities. It was great for us in our 20s, but neither of us grew up there and wouldn't have wanted to. I lived in both the suburbs and a large ish village. I never felt isolated, felt like I had plenty of friends and opportunities nearby, even without much public transport. My dh grew up very rurally in a small hamlet with about 10 people. He loved it. He's now actually incredibly grateful he grew up there as he had plenty of freedom and lots of places to play and explore. As a teenager, the bus was about a mile walk away and he'd just walk there and go into town if he wanted, but he was often quite happy with friends who lived nearby. We live in a rural area (not even a village, village isn't even walkable) and love it. We're happy to drive our dd to do things when she wants, but the quality of life and cost of living is so much better. A lot of that is down to personality though. My dh and I love it here and our daughter is quite happy to be running around outside than going shopping. I don't think any of us feel like we're missing out.