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Parenting

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Original poster

Why don’t I love my baby enough?

12 replies

Okbaby1 · 04/02/2018 10:35

Me and my hubby both 30 had or first ds 6 months ago. I like looking after him but that’s just it I like him. Sometimes I feel like I’m waiting for his parents to come and pick him up. My dh is in the army so we lived with my parents up until last year as I hate being alone when he is away but we moved out when I was pregnant because I thought I wouldn’t mind when I had the baby for company. My mum and dad always say that it was the best time of their lives when me and my brother were little and I thought I would feel the same about my kids but I don’t. I just want to go home (back to my parents) my childhood was amazing and it was the best time of my life even though I know it should be now. I feel so guilty about everything 🙁

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flippityfloppity · 04/02/2018 10:39

This is not uncommon - stop beating yourself up. Asking for help is a brave and honest step. Many more women than admit it feel like they're just going through the motions - it's usually a sign that there's some ppd going on. Have you spoken to a doc about this?

tralaaa · 04/02/2018 11:07

Goodness so so many mums feel like this, maybe speak to your HV.
I was a nanny to a woman who just loved children but not babies. Make sure you interact with the baby, chat and sing to the baby. Feed and make eye contact, you will start getting something back then all of a sudden it's happens

KimmySchmidt1 · 04/02/2018 14:25

Don’t feel guilty, babies aren’t very interactive or forthcoming, they are little tyrants! Sometimes admitting that and making a joke out of it rather than thinking you have to be in constant worshipping awe helps to feel a better bond with them.

Remember this age will pass and the baby will get more fun and interesting.

Can you go to your parents’ house more and spend time there? You won’t be getting any adult company from a baby and it’s natural to want some.

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SnowGoArea · 04/02/2018 14:35

Do you look after him - food, nappy changes, cuddles when he needs him? Doing it with kindness? Those things are all acts of love, even if not accompanied by the gushy feelings (that we often place too much importance on as being the only real love, when in reality there are lots of ways to live someone else).

It's also all too easy to look back and remember the good bits, so don't take too much stock in your parents memories of when you were tiny! You may still do that one day.

The feelings come when they come, it's different for everyone. You sound like a good mum - the guilt is a good indication of that 😁

Definitely explore pnd as a possibility too.

theboud · 04/02/2018 14:52

Go stay with your parents for a bit. Babies aren’t company, they’re actually quite boring IMO. Adult interaction is really important.

Some people love the baby stage, some really don’t. As long as you’re caring for your son he won’t know whether you’re loving every moment or just doing what is needed.

Mol1628 · 04/02/2018 14:56

Everyone is different. My mum says she loved having babies at home. I hated it, found it isolated and boring. It’s very normal and it’s not always depression.
I know they’re not everyone’s cup of tea but I enjoyed reading blogs like the unmumsy mum and hurrah for gin, helped me feel a lot less alone.

ThatsWotSheSaid · 04/02/2018 14:59

6 months old are a bit dull TBH. My 7 year old is my best mate and my 3 year old is just starting to really be a good laugh. Can you move back?

Original poster

Okbaby1 · 04/02/2018 15:21

Thanks everyone I just feel a bit silly running back to my parents even though I do miss living with them I don’t want people to think I can’t cope. I do take really good care of him and would never let anyone hurt him it’s just even when I’m not with him (my mum has him for 2 hours Tuesday and Thursday mornings while I’m at the gym) I don’t really miss him or feel the need to rush back and see him. He’s a really good baby - hardly ever cries and smiles at everyone sometimes I think he doesn’t really care if it’s not me who’s looking after him.

OP posts:

Mol1628 · 04/02/2018 16:17

I don’t miss mine when I get time away from them either. Never have. I make sure they’re with someone safe and having a good time and I enjoy the peace and quiet and freedom for a bit. I don’t see anything wrong with that.

MrsDilber · 04/02/2018 16:17

When till he's 2 and got his own, really distinct personality and can interact more, I'd bank you'll feel differently then. Not everyone likes the baby stage, it can be really boring and lonely.

Crumbs1 · 04/02/2018 16:19

Go and spend time being supported by your parents. Call it a holiday. Nobody will judge and your parents will probably be delighted to help care for their grandchild.
Do speak to your health visitor about your feelings in case of PND.

MoodyTwo · 04/02/2018 16:25

Honestly I loved my LO but I didn't really like him, until he was a year old ... now he is amazing and so much fun ...
I thought it was normal to be honest 😳

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