What age would you stop letting your parents look after your child?

[User459]

Hey everyone I’m new here so please be nice. I have a dd who is 2.5 she’s generally well behaved (when she wants to be) her dad left about a year ago and left me in thousands of pounds of debt so I’ve had to move back in with my mum which I don’t mind as dd loves her so much, she’s been helping me out with child care as I can’t afford to pay anyone. The thing is she’s 72 next week but she doesn’t act it she still works full time and her minds as good as it’s ever been, I feel like I’m being unfair to her making her look after my child as well as working, any other people I’ve met over 70 seem a lot older (grey hair, problems moving, memory problems) just looking for some general opinions how long would you let your parents babysit? What health are they in at 70+?

I think it really depends on the individual concerned. As long as your mum is happy to do some childcare and it isn’t exhausting her then I’d carry on as you are. Do sit down and have a very honest chat with her though. Also have a backup plan in case her health deteriorates. My mum is nearly 70 and does 2 full days every other week for us. I ask her frequently if she is happy to continue, and she is, and I am confident she’d tell me if she felt unable to cope.

Surely it depends on the individual, how physically and mentally fit they are, and what the child’s age / needs are.

My Mum was perfectly able to pick up a 5 year old, play games in the park, make good decisions etc.

Sorry, my Mum at 75.

There’s not an age as such, but be aware that at this age things can change rapidly.
I would be sure to have some backup available. And make sure you speak to your mum about working AND managing childcare as that really does seem a lot.

MIL is 84 next month and the kids (4.5 and just 3) tend to spend a couple of hours at hers over the weekend. We are home (next door) and generally around if needed but she has never rang us to come and get them. I doubt we will stop as the kids get older, if anything she seems more able to cope and the kids understand more how to behave with her and what to help her with (i.e. fetching things for her, not caring for her).

It depends on how spry the grandparent is :)

My dm is over 70 and can cope very well with three large children of various degrees of stroppiness, and babies too. She also ran down the street to tackle a local criminal recently. I think you need to look at the person, rather than the number.

My parents look after their grandchildren regularly. They’re in their early 80s.

MN is enormously ageist

Remember your child will also get older too - so the stage of physically doing everything for them and running after them is quite short.

My mother is 83. She still has her hair highlighted, had implants for her front teeth last year, wears leather trousers and has only recently swapped high heels for 1.5". Still stylish shoes. She's off to Florida for a month next week with her husband who's 72! She didn't look after me OP, i was shafted onto my adorable grandparents. Look after my children 20 yesrs ago - ha bloody ha . Her sprightliness never came into it.

You are very lucky to have a mum who helps you and is willing and able x

My parents are 79 and 80 and they still collect DDs from school once a week. I cook dinner for them in the evening and they stay over so they can listen to reading, help with bedtime etc. Both girls stay with them in the holidays too. Girls are now 8 and 11.

My parents are very fit and healthy and have no desire to stop looking after their grandchildren. It's a precious relationship and they want to make the most of it while they can!

Over 70 is not especially old - unless you wouldn't let Helen Mirren or Susan Sarandon or Hrrison Ford, several MPs, high court judges etc watch a child

My mother wouldn't have been able to look after a toddler at 50, as pp have said their parents can still manage in their 70s/80s so really it comes down to both how your mum feels and how self-sufficient your child is

I was in no way being ageist I just wanted some other opinions. She only has her 6-8pm weekdays doesn’t have to feed or bath her just puts her in bed, she also has her 1 - 2 saturdays per month which does seem a lot as well as working all week but she says she enjoys it and wants to come out with us even when I have dd. My dad is also there at the weekends he’s only 60 so not even close to retiring! I have asked my mum about dropping some days at work but she doesn’t want to sit at home on her own all day with nothing to do. Its just I work with elderly people and some that are her age seem a lot older, I guess everyone is different.

Well my mum is 73 and picks my twins up after school and looks after them until about 5. She is fit and well but I wouldn't want her to be doing full days with them as she did before they were in school.

So if you trust your 80+ year old parents to be able to pick up your child and run out the house during a fire? Do you trust that they’ll even be able to stand up again after having a fall? Do you trust they can drive your child to the emergency room safety? It’s not ageist it’s just being real.