Help needed - dummy related :-(

[laurisse]

My 4yo (I know...) has a dummy for sleeping at night. We've tried giving up before for about a week when she was 3, and she did manage to go to sleep but it took til 11pm each night and it was so difficult (I was pregnant and shattered) that in the end I let her have one back.

Now we've managed to get to the point where she just has it for about 10 minutes to get to sleep then I take it out of her mouth and she manages the night without.

The issue is if she doesn't have it she gets almost hysterical at bedtime. She can't relax, gets totally hyper, can't stop talking and making noises and twirling round on her bed, getting up etc. I can't get her to be still so she can get off to sleep. Tried breathing techniques, body scanning, about a million stories, "hypnotic" stories (totally bloody useless). And she fully believes she can't go to sleep without it so gets quite anxious - i can't see it getting any easier by leaving it.

Any ideas? Shes desperate to give it up incidentally. Don't need techniques to persuade her which is all I can find online - it's just how to I get her to sleep?! Thanks x

Maybe sit with her while she goes to sleep and try having it then taking it out. For a couple of seconds each.

FWIW I don’t think a dummy to sleep at 4 is that bad... but that’s not what you asked!!!!

If she wants to give it up, that's a good start.

Maybe phase it out by slowly reducing the time she has it, eg,drop 30s each night?

Or just take the pain this half term and go cold turkey,

We had this - take her shopping for a super cuddly teddy? A huge one. One you can wrap yourself around. Take her out somewhere exhausting. Swimming, a big walk, loads of fresh air. Wait until she's shattered, stay with her stroking her hair (if she likes this). It took us maybe 5 days. But our DD goes off now with a two minute hair stroke after a story.

Prepare for middle of the night wake ups too, we were all exhausted for a good week, as she would wake up, roll over, find what comforted her and straight back to sleep. We had a few 1am sessions watching Gardner's world until she couldn't keep her eyes open.

Also - make sure you do it in a week with nothing big on. Nothing that she'll be anxious for - ie a new day at pre school, a trip out, dentist etc.

Persevere - it's like anything, it DOES get easier!

And finally, skim over any comments you get that are rude.

Good luck!

You need a sleep substitute - pick out a toy with her that becomes her bed cuddle buddy (and keep a backup). Use it alongside the dummy for a few weeks, then remove the dummy once abd for all. Seriously, post it to the stork or give it away! She needs to know it's not in the house and you can't cave if she cries. But she will have her cuddle toy instead...

I would just leave her be, tell her that when she's ready to get to sleep without it she will.

By 7 the dummy will not give the same sucking comfort and she'll
Wean off it.

I think she has such anxiety about trying to go to sleep without it that she is getting herself in a complete state. By backing off and telling her she needs it for now it will probably give her the poet back to do it.

Oh you guys are awesome, thank you! The idea of weaning onto a substitute toy - and one she needs to use her while body wrapped round to cuddle - sounds good. And gradually reducing the time she has it. The way she holds it in her mouth stretches her lips and makes them sore, it's quite distressing, so we're all keen to get rid of it!

Personally I'd just carry on giving it to her for the first 30mins so she falls asleep quickly and peacefully.

My eldest is 7 and sucks his thumb hard for about 10hrs a night (I repeatedly remove it but he puts it back in). I'm worried about his teeth and gums.

If she's anything like my ds2, she'll just one day decide that she no longer needs it. He has surprised us with his dummy - one evening at bedtime when he was about two and a half or slightly older he just handed it to me and said he didn't want it any more ! And that was that. He's since done the same with wearing nappies at night (he's 4 and has only just decided for himself he wants pants, and in nearly 3 weeks hasn't had a single accident).

4 is still little, don't beat yourself up about it (I had a dummy until I was 5 btw, and had/have no issues!).

Sorry Random, cross post. I know - and actually I have done that recently which is why she has it for going to sleep - I've just got really worried about the sore lips and she gets these pink marks in the corner of her mouth and I'm suddenly worried they could become stretch marks! She does such a weird thing with it in her mouth with her bottom lip stretched out...

Oh, cross post. Just seen it's making her lips sore? Do what everyone else has said then!

TheShape - thanks yes, that's the big concern. Otherwise I'd probable be a bit less stressed about it

I agree with substitute being introduced as well. How about trying a 0-3 month dummy - smaller in every way!

Mine dummy sucker started using her thumb when she gave hers up so went back to dummy! Getting one of my thumb suckers to
Give up was horrific, dummy all the way!!!

Sorry, no advice here my dd is 5.5 and still loves her dummy! I would have said to just leave it... but if it ishurting her lip then it's probably best to get rid. What I'm trying to convince my dd to do is go to build a bear and put her dummies in a bear, then take the bear home. That way she still has her dummies but can't suck on them. DD isn't convinced, but it might work for you. It's also similar yo the replacement toy idea. Whatever you decide to do, good luck.x