Friend in need of help - URGENT advice from the wise and wonderful please

[BernieBear]

Really wasn't sure where to post this, but figured I would try here and may get re-directed.

I am a long time mumsnetter with parttime postings! My close neighbour has just had her first baby prematurely (about six weeks early) he is fine but is being kept in hospital. She was able stay in hospital for about 10 days and is now home and his going in every day all day to be with him. She is desperately trying to express milk although I understand there are worries this maybe drying up so she has been put on tablets.

My heart completely goes out to her and I have no idea how to help. Sadly I have been down with a ear/nose/throat infection and whilst up and about haven't dared to go near as I didn't want her to pick it up and thus her baby ds to end up in hosptial longer if he got it. (I have explained this)

Any advice/suggestions/just general help/understanding for her that I can pass on. I just feel so helpless. It is all very well empathising but when you have not been in the same situation it all seems very hollow hence this post. Flowers/cards/presents just won't touch the sides on this I know and I will be cooking dinners and things (once my cooker is up and working) but in the meantime I just don't know what to say or do.

Many thanks for any answer in advance. x

Support helps.

Re: her milk drying up, she needs to be pumping often, like eight times per day, some of them in the night, at least.

she needs to express for 20 mins every 2-3 hours - just like a baby feeding - including through the night. It helps if she can use a double pump so can do both sides together.

And it really helps if you can watch tv or read or do anything that takes your mind off what you are doing and not stress about how much you are getting.

Drink lots of water, and massage the breasts before and during expressing.

And remember tiny babies don't need much milk.

Just wanted to confirm she needs to be expressing really often! I had my DS at 31 weeks and the hospital got me to express every two hours (even at night) whch was increadibly painful for first three days before any milk came through. They have electric pumps at hospitals for this. Persevere I'd say, I almost gave up tooo many times to remember, but eventually milk came and I BF for 18 months.

As for support, just let her know you're there for her, take round things like finger foods, easy things to eat that don't need warmiong up that she can take in to hospital for those long days spent there, hospital canteen food can become rather boring! Magazines and books too, and maybe an offer to clean her house as it will be the last thing on her mind.

Also just chat with her, take her mind off it, reassure her that her baby will be fine, and that if she can't breastfeed it isn't the end of the world as at least she tried.

Remember that she has had a huge shock as well as giving birth, as she wasn't prepared for it (at least that's how I felt).

If the baby is breathing on it's own she will probably be allowed to take it home soon, as long as it can suck too.

The doctors told me DS would be in hospital until at least his due date, in the end he came home three weeks after being born. I think doctors always er on the side of caution.