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Original poster

How to encourage DD 3.3 to give up her beloved dummy?

53 replies

yeeyeelovesraaraa · 01/02/2018 22:43

DD (3.3) is very attached to her dummy & it gives her a great amount of comfort when she is tired or upset.

She is usually fine without it whilst at preschool / childminders / out doing activities however the moment we get home she is desperate to have it & we feel its become a problem.

She wants to have it all the time but we can't understand what she is saying when its in & are also concerned about the dental effects of her using it too much.

So we started leaving it in her room in the morning - which worked ok for a time though we discovered she'd been hiding them around the house for a sneaky suck!, but lately she's becoming more & more upset at leaving it or not being able to have it, & spends a lot of time crying / wailing for it.

She's dropping her nap so is often tired which isn't helping. And at times, if she is especially tired or hurt, we do let her have it for a short while for comfort, but then she (understandably) gets very upset when we say its time to put it away. No doubt the mixed messages aren't helping there.

We think it probably needs to go and have been discussing the idea of the dummy fairy with her but she's really not keen & says she doesn't want to give them up - even the suggestion she might get a present won't persuade her.

Would you just take them away in these circumstances & deal with the inevitable upset? Or wait for her to decide she doesn't need them anymore on her own? Ideally I'd like her to be willing to part with them but don't want this dummy misery to continue for another 6/12 months!

Any suggestions on how we can encourage her to give them up much appreciated!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Calphurnia · 04/02/2018 21:13

We did a combination of:

Dummy out of mouth to speak
Dummy whereabouts became DC's responsibility, so if one was wanted, they had to know where one was. I've usually known where one is, so have said "did you look in ..." for example to avoid the absolute meltdown
I had one secretly in bag/ car for emergencies or long journeys

It has worked pretty painlessly. No wailing. It's been a process though, and a gentle one

musketeersmama · 04/02/2018 23:40

I agree with other posters, the anticipation is much worse than the reality. I was dreading removing DS's beloved dummies and only permitted them at bedtime. Then his little cousin was born and I suggested we give the baby his dummies and to my huge surprise he agreed. Job done. Good luck!

GreenTulips · 04/02/2018 23:48

One decided to be a 'big girl' and threw it away
One banged her mouth and couldn't have it anymore
One lost them all and left the last one at a friends miles away

All did the same cried first night winged second night nothing g their night

Just throw away any you find and leave one remaining one and when that goes it's tough luck

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EsmeeMerlin · 04/02/2018 23:52

Honestly, I just gathered all my son's up and threw them all in the bin. I know some people go for the dummy fairy and all that but for my son if you gave him the choice he wouldn't have gone for any of that and it would have just prolonged it. By throwing them away, he went cold turkey without his dummies and actually in 2 days he was fine and never once asked for it. We distracted him and told him what a big boy he now was.

meandthem · 05/02/2018 01:49

We had friends with a young baby who my kids played with, visited regularly and were fond of, who was "desperate" to have a dummy so after a bit of a build up we gave it to mum at their house for baby to use. Baby's parents were on board with plan obviously and ever so grateful that dummy was passed on, made fuss of how kind my toddler was - no problems after, because that's just what happens to dummies and new babies wouldn't be able to have them if they weren't passed on.....Worked for us!

SheSellSeaShells · 05/02/2018 10:20

My son was about 2.5 or just over when we decided to ditch them. He was very attached to them as well and loved them for sleeping but I got fed up of his calling out at night as he couldn't find the dummy.

I popped all his dummies in a food bag and we told him we were putting them at the end of the bed for the dummy fairy and she was going to take them away as he was a big boy now. He actually went to bed ok (I was expecting a hellish night). We popped a present on the bed of his bed in the night, from the tooth fairy, all wrapped up in exchange for his dummies. He was SOO EXCITED in the morning bless him.

He was really fine after and occasionally he asked but we said they've all gone, fairy took them, and he just kind of accepted it. I did think he'd be a nightmare, especially at night but he surprised me.

SheSellSeaShells · 05/02/2018 10:22

*dummy fairy not tooth

Emmasmum2013 · 05/02/2018 10:38

My DD was 3 when she gave hers up. Se'd just had her third birthday so it was a good time to start saying "you're a bit girl now, you're 3. Only babies have dummies". She was very attached to it at bedtimes and if she got upset over something. to the point where she wouldn't want a cuddle off me, she'd just want her dummy!

So we started off small, getting her to take it out of her mouth instead of leaving it in there for ages - same conversation - "dummies are for babies, you're a big girl now"

She was almost doing it herself, she'd go for a good half an hour at bedtime without it and then all of a sudden she'd decide she wanted it again.

then we started talking about the birdies and how they'd like the dummies for the baby birdies and would she like to give her dummies to them. She actually agreed to! So one day we left the dummies in the back garden for the birds. I snuck out a bit later and removed them and then we made a big song and dance over how the birdies had took them.

I was ready for a night of tantrums and tears that night. But we went to bed and she got to her usual time of saying she wanted the dummy and I reminded her that the birdies had took it, and she's a big girl now so she doesn't need it. Amazingly she sat up and said "Yeah! Because I'm a big girl! Like Shrek!" haha and she lay down and fell straight to sleep! She woke up once in the night but I just gave her a cuddle and she fell straight back to sleep. I was totally stunned. In all honesty I had a little cry myself. She definitely wasn't a baby anymore!

So I would say the key to it is preparation. Talk about it and practice as much as you can then come up with a removal technique that works for you... the birdies worked for us. "The birdies" also left her a thank you present a few days later.

Maybebabybee · 05/02/2018 14:28

Following as my nearly 2 year old is obsessed with his dummy and know we'll need to bite the bullet at some point.

whiteonesugar · 05/02/2018 17:17

DS is 3 in a few weeks, we stopped the dummy in line with his advent calendar. He was only having it for sleep at night anyway by that point and we said if he was a big boy and could sleep without his dummy he would get a special present in the morning, which was his thomas minis advent calendar.

First night he asked for it - but he was SO tired he fell asleep fine. He woke once or twice looking for it but gave him a little hug and he was fine.

Asked for it the second night and hasn't since! We made a big fuss of him being a big boy and about how it was better for his teeth and it was a lot more painless than i expected!

nannybeach · 06/02/2018 07:33

Lots of good advice on here, I watched one of those Supernanny programmes and they said, tell they child they are very grown up now, and to leave i out for the "dummy Fairy" to take. Collected my DGKs from school yesterday, amazed at how many of the children up to about 4 years old had dummies in their mouth. Always understood they are "comforters" for use at bed time, but these parents seem to use them as a gobstopper for their children, was listening to one right next door to me trying to speak with this thing in her mouth.Then dropping them on the floor, back in the mouth, !!!!!

ittakes2 · 06/02/2018 12:25

We told my twins the dummy fairy was going to need their dummy for new born babies...but she would leave a bike each for them instead and they were very happy with that.

Becca83 · 06/02/2018 21:13

My LG absolutely adores her dummy but I always wanted to get rid by 2. At about 18 months we switched to night time only which definitely helped the transition. At about 22 months she started biting huge holes in them, so it became a safety issue and our hands were forced.

We showed her the holes and made her pit them all in the bin, telling her that she couldn't have them as they were broken.
The first night she cried for about 20 minutes, the second night, she asked for it but didn't cry. By the 3rd night she knew not to ask anymore and she has now completely forgotten about it.

I honestly don't think it's as bad as you expect it to be. They seem to forget quicker than you would think!

Best of luck!

Italiangreyhound · 07/02/2018 01:02

How about the dummy tree?

www.serenesleep.co.nz/sleep-packages/the-dummy-tree

My dd never got a dummy, she found her thumb and is only just coming off it 13 years later!

I'd encourage her to lay off it with substitution, something nice to hold or stroke, a toy bunny etc.

www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/08/14/9-ways-to-wean-your-baby-off-the-dummy_n_7336610.html

Good luck.

CaveMum · 07/02/2018 06:47

We did Supernanny’s Dummy fairy approach just before DD turned 2 - we spoke about the fact the dummy fairy would be coming soon for a few days and on D-Day we hung one of those gift bags on the back of the front door together and out all the dummies inside just before bedtime.

She went to sleep without a problem and in the morning there was a toy inside the gift bag for her from the Dummy Fairy. We never looked back! She did ask where her dummies were a few times but we just said “You gave them to the Dummy Fairy” and she was fine with that. No tears at all thank goodness and like others I threw them all straight in the bin so that I wouldn’t be tempted to give in and let her have one.

Original poster

yeeyeelovesraaraa · 07/02/2018 23:36

Thankyou all for such great suggestions, some very helpful posts here.

DD's been unwell for a few days so I've been putting off dealing with it properly until she was better.

Anyway, we saw the dentist today & DD is developing an open bite so he said she needs to get rid. We talked about that with DD & she said "I'm a big girl I'm ready to give up my dummies".

So....we've agreed with her that D-day will be tomorrow (to give me chance to go shopping for special present!!) & we are going to leave the dummies for the dummy fairy.

Will let you know how we get on!

OP posts:

SuperMam123 · 08/02/2018 00:07

@evilgiraffe I was a thumb sucker until I was about 10!!! As you say, you can’t take a thumb away. My dentist told my Mam to soak plasters in malt vinegar, squeeze them out well and put them on my thumbs once I’d fallen asleep. As I sucked my thumbs I’d taste vinegar and subconsciously stopped sucking my thumb for comfort! It didn’t take long to stop the habit.

Lickedthespoon · 08/02/2018 11:31

We went with bedtime only. Then started talking about big boys not having dummies and that they’re for babies so now that he’s big, he doesn’t really need it (in a nice and gentle way) and with lots of encouragement, he gave them up thankfully. Maybe try swapping the dummy for something else for comfort, like a teddy?

CrazyExIngenue · 08/02/2018 11:33

I told DD that she couldn't come to the movies if she still used her dummy. I said only big girls who don't use dummies are allowed at movie theaters. She went straight to the bin and threw it in and never asked for it again.

To be fair, I could tell she was at the point that she was getting ready to give it up on her own.

Namechange16 · 08/02/2018 11:36

Throw the dummy in the bin in front of her.

Original poster

yeeyeelovesraaraa · 08/02/2018 20:16

So....DD put all her dummies in a box & left them downstairs for the dummy fairy to collect. She asked for her dummy a couple of times as we got ready for bed & then again once she was in bed, then got a bit upset when I reminded her she'd left them for the dummy fairy. No tantrums or crying though - she just said she felt really sad & asked if I would stay in the room with her while she fell asleep.

I told her we were very proud of her for being such a big girl - and then quietly shed a few tears myself while she cuddled and chatted to her baby annabel for about an hour before drifting off to sleep without her dummy for the first time ever!

OP posts:

CaveMum · 08/02/2018 20:19

Well done OP! Small children are more simplistic and matter of fact about this sort of thing and it’s always us (the parents) who over analyse things and get ourselves worked up!

foxmuldersufo · 08/02/2018 20:21

She’s almost 3 and a half.
Take it away and be done with it.

Original poster

yeeyeelovesraaraa · 08/02/2018 21:04

thanks Cavemum. And so true - I feel quite upset about it which is silly really! Didnt bother me in the slightest when we got rid of DS's but he was only 6 months old so not so emotionally attached to it as DD is.

She's just woken up very distressed but settled back down again now after a cuddle and hand hold. Here's hoping the rest of the night goes ok!

OP posts:

fulltimeworkingmotherof4 · 08/02/2018 21:08

Following as my youngest is exactly the same age. Doesn’t have it at all all week when she’s at pre school/childminders but as soon as she claps eyes on me that’s all she wants. I didn’t have the same issues with the older ones but if I’m being honest we just let her have it for the easy life, she’s the baby of the family and is spoilt! I’ve worked FT since she was 6 months so guilt is a little bit of it. Good luck 😉

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