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Finding newborn stage really hard.....does it get easier??

36 replies

crispaddict76 · 01/02/2018 16:42

Hi

I love my 6 week old boy but I am finding this newborn stage so hard. I feel as though my life is just feeding, nappy changing and sleeping. I spend my days anxious about whether there is going on to be an unsettled evening as he gets a bit colicky some evenings. I don’t seem to have any sort of routine. I’m just anxious all of the time. Please tell me it gets easier? Don’t get me wrong I love him and love sitting and staring at him and cuddling him. I’m just finding it a bit lonely anxiety ridden and relentless at the moment. Is this normal and when does it start to get easier? He is 6 weeks tomorrow xxxx

OP posts:
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Chaosofcalm · 01/02/2018 16:46

Yes, it gets so much easier. Think of this stage as survival by 12 to 14 weeks everything is much better.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 01/02/2018 16:46

It does get easier, yes. It can be really tough though in those first few months. Do you have any support? Any time out?

Sorry you're feeling so anxious, could you talk to your GP about it?

stuffstuffeverywhere · 01/02/2018 16:47

Totally normal!

My DS didn't have a routine until four months.

Just do whatever gets you through- be it chocolate, box sets, baby groups, making sure you have a shower every day, having a good cry, whatever it is.

I found taking one day at a time and forcing myself (no matter how tired) to get out of the house.

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Needsleepnow87 · 01/02/2018 16:51

I also felt like this early on but they gradually can go longer between feeds and become more aware, it all gets easier!! Try and get out everyday...if your little one sleeps in the pram, go for a walk, go to a baby group or go see friends/family. My DS is now 9 months and I always think this stage was better that the last...it gets better all the time! Wait till they give you that first little smile or giggle!

FartnissEverbeans · 01/02/2018 16:54

It gets easier!

It's always hard work (DS is 15mo) but it's different, and more rewarding. DS is so funny and clever (IMO Grin) and I just can't wait to see him in the evenings. He's having tantrums now and I'm exhausted most of the time but I just love him to bits. He's the best thing ever.

I found the repetition of the newborn stage was the hardest thing. I felt like I was just on this endless, mind numbing cycle of feed, change, sleep. I thought I would go mad! DH would come home at night and ask what I'd been up to and I just couldn't remember - all my days just merged into one.

In a few months it'll be a distant memory!

ShimmeringIce · 01/02/2018 16:55

Absolutely! You'll find there are little leaps all the time and things get gradually easier the older he gets, and then (god knows why) you'll decide to have another and be back to square one 😆

Seriously though, I found the unpredictability and complete dependence of tiny babies so hard, but they start falling into routines, laughing, playing, sitting, crawling. Before you know it you can pack them off to school for a few hours!

And please ignore anyone who says they miss these days, and you'll wish he was still a little baby when he's running around making mess because it's much harder... karma will get them eventually!

FutureFairyCrayon · 01/02/2018 16:55

Oh bless you, give it another six weeks or so, and you will find that it gets much easier. The colic usually dies down, they smile and are a bit more 'awake'. I still remember how awful the colicky evenings were, three years on. I used to pretty much count down the seconds until dp got home, so that I could hand him the baby.

Every age brings it's own challenges of course, but I found the newborn stage the toughest - I thought I'd made the biggest mistake of my life! You are still getting to know each other, you don't need a routine yet, he's still working out wtf is going on. Read up on the fourth trimester.

The things that helped me were to have a shower before dp left for work in the morning, everything seemed easier with clean hair, and to get outside at least once a day, even if it was just for a few laps of the local park.

If your anxiety is making life difficult though, I would urge you to speak to your GP. A lot of it may be attributable to lack of sleep, I know how difficult I found it to keep things in perspective when I was on my knees with exhaustion. Is your dp/dh helping out as much as possible?

Mulch · 01/02/2018 16:56

Yea gets easier, think you've sussed it then they change again

mommybear1 · 01/02/2018 16:57

Absolutely normal! Mine is now 14 weeks and I felt exactly as you described he is my pfb and much longer for so I felt terribly guilty but crikey the first 12 weeks were hard. I only just feel like I am coming out the other side. One thing I have realised is don't expect too much of yourself I genuinely had high hopes of being able to get all my housework done, dinner on and spend quality time with pfb but reality is I take it as a win if I manage a shower and he is alive and well at the end of the day! It will get better honestly no one can prepare you for it it's like nothing else I have ever experienced BrewThanksCake (top tip get a thermos you will finally be able to have a hot drink!) xx

mommybear1 · 01/02/2018 16:57

*longed for - yish Blush

pimlicolife · 01/02/2018 17:08

At 12 weeks things got so much easier as my daughter then slept overnight.

At 4 months it got much more fun and now at 6 months it's just a total joy all around!

Honestly the first 12weeks are by far the hardest. Just get through those and it will be a breeze in comparison Smile

pimlicolife · 01/02/2018 17:10

Oh and yes to the thermos. My other half got me a thermos mug and having hot coffee by your side makes everything easier. Brew

sourpatchkid · 01/02/2018 17:11

Gets so so much easier Thanks
It's gonna be ok

crispaddict76 · 01/02/2018 17:26

Thanks everyone. I do have friends and family but they don’t live nearby. I think getting out and joining some groups will help and I am booked on to a baby massage group which starts soon! My OH helps out but obviously I am doing the bulk of it as he works. I feel so guilty for feeling this way so it is a relief to know that others found it a bit of a slog too!! I think when he gets colicky it is just hard not being able to do anything to help him. Thanks for your words of support xxx

OP posts:
GimbleInTheWabe · 01/02/2018 17:29

Yes yes and yes. I promise it does. DS is 16 weeks now and is so much easier to look after and fun to have around. I found setting my expectations very low regarding sleep each night helped. So I would expect to get no sleep, so any sleep I got would be a plus. And don't worry at all about a routine, there's no need for One so early on. I worried about that too but now DS has set his own routine of naps etc. The more alert and awake the get the better as you get smiles and giggles back from them.
Take it easy and do nice things for yourself when you get the chance: a bath, a nice slice of cake. I found nice snacks during the many many night feeds made things better, and a flask of tea.
Keep on keeping on @crispaddict76, you're doing great!

Thiswayorthatway · 01/02/2018 17:33

Yes it does get easier. I didn't enjoy the first few months at all. Get out of the house, fresh air and walks, see people even though you feel crap.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 01/02/2018 17:33

I think meeting up with other mums and getting out of the house will help you. Even if it's to have a natter about baby stuff I'm sure it will help.

ElenaBothari · 01/02/2018 17:36

Oh this stage is really hard: gets easier after 12 weeks I think, and then generally gets better as they get more interactive, sleep for a bit longer etc.

At this stage tbh babies should still be in the womb, they are in other primates. They just come out earlier for us so they can have bigger heads.

I found reading about the fourth trimester really helpful to have reasonable expectations at this stage.

crispaddict76 · 01/02/2018 18:06

Thanks everyone. I feel reassured that others have felt like I do.

Think that is a really good idea about setting expectations low regarding sleep as I think the worry about sleep and lack of is stressing me out too. I know it is easier than it was three weeks ago so I just need to keep positive!!

I didn’t expect to find it this hard.....like I knew it would be hard and I would be tired so I don’t know if I was naive but it has knocked me for six a bit!

Thanks everyone xxxxx

OP posts:
callmybabybalonz · 01/02/2018 18:12

No

BroccoliOnTheFloor · 01/02/2018 18:14

It gets much easier. At 3-4 mo they are no longer colicky. At 6 mo they start interacting more and playing with toys, and you can kill hours by preparing food, then feeding them and cleaning up after them. For me, it became really fun at 1.

In the meantime, join baby groups, try to find mum friends / retired friends for coffees, go for long walks with an audiobook, and forget about the state of the house. Force DH to do more at home. If you have visitora like grandparents, uncles etc, show them how to take care of the baby, and go have a bath. Let the baby sleep on you and catch up on reading / TV during that time. Let DH rock the baby every evening while you have a long shower. Buy your favourite shower gel. Blast some music so you don't hear the colics while you're having your 15 minutes.

EssentialHummus · 01/02/2018 18:17

Just do whatever gets you through- be it chocolate, box sets, baby groups, making sure you have a shower every day, having a good cry, whatever it is.

Exactly this. And get out every day, even if it’s five minutes to the postbox or nearest Tesco for a chocolate. Honestly, makes a world of difference. 19/20 week old here and I properly enjoy her now.

GinIsIn · 01/02/2018 18:29

I hated the first months - they were lonely, anxiety-ridden, long and boring.

My DS is 11mo now. Today, we have spent the morning playing, been out to lunch, been to the aquarium, been for a potter about the shops, and for tea and cake. Now we are watching Hey Duggee and eating spaghetti. It’s been a perfect day. It gets so much better!

callmybabybalonz · 01/02/2018 18:58

That’s nice @FenellaMaxwellsPony but not everyone has the disposible income for that

DeltaG · 01/02/2018 19:05

Yes OP,

What everyone else says is true. I'm sitting here with a 3-week old on my lap and although feeling sleep-deprived, I'm not as anxious as I was with DS1 as I know it gets better around the three-month mark.

And for me, pregnancy & the newborn phase are the hardest things I've ever done. And I have travelled the world alone, worked in dangerous places, done a PhD in hard science etc. All a piece of piss in comparison!

My DS1 has just turned two and is such a little delight now, it's all been worth it, and it will for you too. Keep the faith!