What memories do your parents have of you as children?

[Eulalia]

I asked my mother recently what day of the week I was born on and she couldn?t remember (didn?t even bother to ask my dad ? lucky if he can remember the date!). She remembers the dates of my two older sisters. This is an example of many things that my parents don?t remember about my childhood, the problem also compounded because I am a twin. I often hear her talk about when so and so did this or that but a blank is drawn when it comes to me and my twin sister. I feel a bit jealous of them and sad that a lot of my parent?s memories of me have been lost. To make up for this I keep a diary for my children and record everything, no matter how trivial.

I know that in the great scheme of things this is not really important but just wondered what experiences others had. BTW I do have a good relationship with my parents and if anything this issue is treated as a bit of a joke. All the same it irks me somewhat.

My mum hardly ever refers to our childhood to the extent that it sort of shocks me if she does. It reminds me that I was small once like my ds. I know what you mean but I'm so pre-occupied with other things that it doesn't really bother me. I saw that someone had advised on the "what do you need for a first baby thread" that you should write everything down and I so wish I had. I looked at ds today looking so grown up and wished I had kept a proper record. (mind you times were so hard some of it that it was all I could do to keep going let alone write it all down ) Still, I suppose I could start now. Interesting question.

What a thought-provoking thread, Eulalia. My mum and dad are bad on some details and guilt makes my mum especially rather shifty on others (did not breastfeed; cheerfully smoked 40 Players a day through both pregnancies).
But like you, I have a good relationship with them and have grown up with lots of photos and some prize anecdotes, plus all my school reports - yikes.
I do wish they would not now start sharing these tales with my son, though - if I have to explain one more time why I emptied the whole coal scuttle onto the living room carpet while my mum was bathing my baby sister, I will scream. And it is giving him some very bad ideas for when his little brother or sister appears in January.
Finally - a cautionary note. A friend also passed on to her older daughter (9) a really hilarious account of her misdemeanours when she was that age. It got taken to school, where it made such an impression that it was adopted as the school entry for a London-wide story-telling competition. It was last heard being shouted to the roof of a packed marquee in Deptford. My friend works locally in education also, by the way, and her little treasure did not trouble to change any of the names in the story...

My mum and dad have a good memory of us as children. I did start writing bits down for ds but with one thing and another havnt written anything for a good few months now but am determined to start it up again and catching up with the things I can still remember.

I was given baby books for all my 3 children and started off with good intentions. DS1 has quite a bit written in his, DS2 has the odd memento stuck in but DD, being the last, still has an empty book. I do have a cardboard box for each of them with little treasures like their first clothes, shoes, hospital bracelet etc but I really wish that I had noted the dates when they had their firsts, I could cry now when I try to remember those important little milestones. I have a bursting baby book all about me, which details every little achievement during my first few years, together with lots of photos, newspaper clippings, letters, medical cards etc. I know that there weren't all the distractions of Mumsnet, videos and cable TV in the late 60's but I do wish that I had been as dedicated as my mum.

Eulalia, your message reminded me of something - when my oldest son was born, his birth and babyhood generated far more fuss from friends and relatives than the birth of my second son. For instance, we got far 'new baby' and 'first birthday' cards with son number one.

I know my second son is a happy little boy, but inevitably he's following a well ploughed furrow. Less people are interested in his development - mostly because our extended family is much smaller than it was, I suppose. There are few relatives who would want, say, a photo of him. With my oldest, it seemed like we were were sending pictures through the post continually. His pushchair, cot and car seat were all bought for his brother, or were given to us as gifts. I fear that in years to come, family anectdotes of my son's baby and toddlerhood (not counting dh and I) will centre on my oldest son. Also dh was a stay-at-home dad for the oldest son when he was a toddler, so has a close bond with him and very clear memories of him at that age.

I really hope to make this up to my youngest son - at least we have plenty of years ahead to do this.

One of the perils of being one of a large brood is you tend to get lost in the muddle. My mother is particularly notorious for telling stories of our childhood and changing the name of the child every time. We take all stories with a pinch of salt, and if we actually remember the event being mentioned never bother to correct her because she'll just get it wrong next time. It reaches ludricous proportions, she once told my dh that my brother in law had bought a saxaphone and was keeping my niece up at night. Unfortunately the BIL and niece in question live on opposite sides of the globe, one in Germany, one in NZ. One one family trip we even managed to leave one of my sisters behind.

I was stunned when I met dh's parents who had loveningly saved every one of his school reports, and proudly showed them to me one drunken evening. I was the first of my family to go to university and EVERY YEAR my mother asked "And just what is it you're studying dear?"

We are always amazed how little our parents seem to recall of us as children. My mother couldn't even remember if I had had chickenpox or almost every other childhood illness.

My husband maintains very detailed scrapbooks for our children. They record everything from scan pictures, first train/plane tickets, first haircuts (with locks), hotel bills, local currency and stamps of foreign countries we have visited and loads of bits and pieces from outings. Also things like cuttings from newspapers on events we have attended such as the millenium fireworks. Even an accident report from nursery is in there. He does it beautifully and I already love looking at them.

Our Nanny also writes a very detailed diary although it tends to focus on the relative stinkiness of various nappies and what the lady at the cheese counter said rather than anything that might be of use!.

Bells, this is probably a silly question but I've been meaning to start a scrapbook for ds, all his mementoes are scattered about the house and I need to do something before it gets completely out of hand - how did your dh display everything so nicely (ie. the locks of hair)?

I did put this on the other thread, but i do birthday letters in a book for my dds. Just looking back at the highs and lows, what's changed, big events etc and small things like how they make me mad/ laugh etc. It's a tonic for me too to read when I'm struggling with tantrums/sleep(lack of)/strops etc, it helps me get my perspective back. I plan to give it to them when they're 18.

Jodee, we bulk bought some large photo albums with thick card for the pages. For things such as locks of hair, they go in small plastic bags (have a suspicion they come from philately shops).

Thanks Bells, I shall get cracking on that right away.

I wish I'd kept a diary of dd's milestones but I was too exhausted/post-natal to do so. However, I've started now with her baptism. And I have also kept a memory box. We were given a selection of gifts in a metal box and I've started to collect together bits and pieces to go in it. So far we've put in it her scan photos, the first photo of her taken in Nicu that dh brought to show me in recovery as I'd been unconscious when she was delivered, her wrist, ankle and cot tags, one of her first body suits and her first coat and hat. I'm about to add her baptism candle and an antique lace hanky that she's been given for her wedding day. And I've scented the box with some essential oil that I used in hospital- every time I smell it I am reminded of our precious first days together.

I have hundreds of photos of my now-5 year old dd and have kept, in a series of boxes, everything relating to her life such as tickets for things we have seen,places we have been, hotel brochures, menus,etc. Also I have kept a diary of milestones/achievements/first times, as well as a health record, have to admit I forget to write the diary as much as I used to since she started school: went to school doesn't seem interesting as a daily entry once they are full-time!!

Thanks for the comments. Some of the stories made me laugh. One thing my parents do have is lots of photos as my dad used to develop his own prints.

As for my children, I've pressed flowers from the time of their birth and for my son I made a birthday card with the flowers for his first birthday (daughter not yet old enough). Oh yes and have kept ds's first lock of hair, amongst all the other usual things.

I look at my diaries for the past few years and there is masses of stuff. It is nice to dip into now and again and see what I was doing this time last year for example. I remember writing it on occasion and my eyes were crossed I was so tired - mad - probably should have been sleeping

I feel pretty hurt too that my mum has a total of 2 pictures of me as a child. One of them is a family joke, taken at age 5ish, when the photographer was unkind to me, so I scowled & he took the picture. My galring, glowering scowl glares down from the kitchen to this day. But I have no other pictures of me as a kid.

So when I had mine, I was such a sentimental old thing, I was determined to do it differently (ie better!). and especially with ds2. Being the 2nd myself, there is no way I'm going to shortchange my 2nd son, or ever make him feel '2nd' (as much as I possibly can) and take the same amount of pictures etc.

4 things I've done for mine:-

1. A box, where I chuck in 'big' momentoes, like birth congratulations, scan pictures, hospital name tags etc. (In the future it'll be the school reports!)

2. I did a framed picture with a photo for every month of their first year - neborn to 1st birthday, so 13 pictures in total. I've done the same format for both sons now, and did 1 for myself & 1 for each of the grandparents, so you can see how they change month by month.

3. I'm keeping a photo album along these lines. I take a photo of them on the birth date every month, then stick it in the album. I'll probably do this till thet're 18, then give it to them for their 18th birthday (they'll think I'm mad) I'm toying with the idea of doing 4 identical albums, so I can keep 1 and give the grandparents on each too.

4. The diaries. I've got a useless memory, so the diary has been useful already - seeing times when ds1 have sleeping problems & how I handled it, to help me with ds2 probs for example. I am most rubbish at keeping the diaries up to date though, even though I already love reading back over them

At Christmas my Mum presented me with an album she'd made up from her favourite old photos of me - baby photos, holiday photos, me in my school uniform, photos of me at my riding lessons with my favourite pony, right up to the photos she took at my graduation. It was a lovely surprise, and I've really enjoyed looking at it with dh and my own children. Mum said that she wanted to be sure that I had the photos, rather than them getting lost or thrown out after she's dead and gone.

Have been pretty good with the photos of DS - one a week for the first year in an album. Admittedly I did nearly forget one night and had to sneak into his room and stick the camera through the cot bars at 11.30 pm. After that we are sticking to one a month - but that is much harder to remember.

Album went down v. well at 1st birthday gathering.

I've done a photo every week for DS till about 20 weeks and then several every month. Now I take hundreds as I have a digital camera.

Also took videos and did copies for his older step siblings and his grand parents.

I also have a small tape recorder with short recordings of DS from about 6 weeks onwards. Also doing this for DD.

I've been keeping DS's paintings too but I think I need to draw the line somewhere!

Eulalia I didn't mean I only took one a week - just made certain that I did one every Tuesday (usually several) to go in a special album. Had another album to stick all the others in.