Please help! Newborn struggles

[BrumKP]

Hi all,

Looking for support and advice. My beautiful DD was born 4 weeks ago by emergency section and whilst the last few weeks have been amazing, we are really struggling.

For the last 10days she has had silent reflux and 2 weeks ago she was diagnosed with oral thrush. The combination handmade her utterly miserable and it is now so bad that today she has screamed constantly from 12pm (barring the 20minute sleep intervals that come every 4 hours). She won't even settle to sleep on me or DH now and has barely slept at all.DH is great, but is back at work so I've had the brunt of it and I am feeling really down and hopeless. I just don't know how to make her feel better and I am worried that she isn't happy and that we aren't bonding - and that I'm doing everything wrong. I worry that she isn't getting any stimulation because her awake time is just crying, and I worry that this will damage her long-term.

Just wondering if anyone has any advice or tips - or if someone can just offer a kind or supportive word! Thank you xx

Bless. It sounds like perfectly normal early parenthood panics that every new mother faces. It’s a huge readjustment and you’re not doing anything wrong. All a new baby needs is it’s mother, nothing else. Humming and lullabies, feeding, cuddles, nothing more. Sometimes bouncing them around trying to make them happy makes it worse and you all get into a vicious cycle of stress.

Your baby is happy. Impossible to imagine but she is. Imagine how much she’s having to adjust from the complete protection and security of the womb to a loud, bright, ever changing environment.
Practically, do you have family who could take her out for a walk in the pram for an hour whilst you drink a mug of tea and have a lovely warm, peaceful bath. It would do you all good. You’re worrying about her which suggests you’re bonding just fine.
Are you leaving the house at all? Do you have other mothers of newborns nearby? Getting out seems impossible sometimes but is well worth the effort. Wrap her up warm, pop her in the pram and walk somewhere green like a park. Meet a friend for coffee but walk there. If she screams it’s no different to crying at home but it might just settle her as she is soothed by the gentle motion of the pram.
It gets easier.

It sounds as though you've had a hard time so far but are doing an amazing job! It honestly gets so much better and easier as time goes on. For me 6 weeks was a big improvement as she started to smile. I had the same concerns as you about bonding etc but for different reasons and seeing her grin whenever I walk into a room melts my heart. From 6 weeks to now it's got more fun and easier each week.

I don't have any advice on her reflux etc but what I found helped was not thinking too far ahead, just taking each day as it comes. Repeating 'this too shall pass' in my mind. They change so frequently and without warning, each phase is just a phase you will get through.

I have PND so felt almost nothing towards the baby at times (feel awful writing that). Yet we have such a close bond and she's now 11 weeks and clearly not aware of the rocky start we had. Your little one may not be showing it but will know it's you and dad who have done all this and will love you unconditionally for it.

So keep doing what you're doing and hanging in there! I found the first 6 weeks really hard and think I would have done without PND as there's no validation and it's all so new and hectic. I don't know how many times I googled 'when will it get easier / carter' and posted on MN. Everyone has a magic number they'll tell you, 6 weeks, 8, 12 ... but in all honesty it's irrelevant and probably best not to focus on as it's different for everyone. But just know that it will

• more fun not carter!

Don’t worry OP. Please don’t feel hopeless! I’m sure you are doing an excellent job. Newborns are exhausting and it sounds like you’re having a bit of bad luck too with thrush etc. Have you spoken to your health visitor? Assuming She has medication for the thrush, reflux etc? Chat to doctor or pharmacist if you’re still worried.
Have you anyone you can ask to help give you a break? Can a friend take her in the pram for half an hour just to give you a rest? The constant crying must be exhausting for you. Failing that, can you use a sling and take her out yourself? Sometimes just getting out the house seems to work for my dd.
Please don’t worry about stimulation. She really is very little.all she needs in terms of stimulation at this stage is to know that there is somebody there. T
Try not to worry. It feels like this period will never end but it will!

I found using a sling great when my daughter was a newborn , it really helped calm her down. Might be worth a try as it would keep her in an upright position and help the reflux too.

If you want a bit of stimulation you could sing to her (and the sound of your voice might be comforting)

I tried to go out for a walk in the fresh air every day, and still do. The fresh air and the motion of the pram helps her sleep.

Hope things settle soon for you.

I second pp suggestion of a sling. You are doing great, it will get better keep repeating this! A huge cuddle for you both

I was ready to give DD back at 4 weeks and she was just a just a bit colicky!

Every mum feels like this at some point, and it sounds like you have been unlucky with the reflux and the thrush, but honestly even without that 4 week old babies can just cry a lot for no apparent reason, especially in the evenings.

If you are breastfeeding have you both been treated for the thrush?

As for the bonding, I liked and cared deeply about DD from the moment she was born, but it took me a quite a long time to properly properly love her (didn't help she was an exact replica of DP, with no visual similarities to me or my family at all and it took me a long time to feel like she was really 'mine').

I also recommend a stretchy sling of some sort, it may help with the reflux but also see if there are any mother and baby groups or playgroups close by where you can drop in for a cup of tea and a chat.

Thank you all, nice to know that I'm not doing as badly as I think. She is being medicated for the thrush and reflux, but I'm going back to the GP because the reflux is getting worse.

Thanks for the tip about the sling - we have a Bjorn, but she is too little for it! She's only 6lb 11oz so we have a way to go!

I have been singing, rocking, reading and cuddling, so I will keep it all up! Xxx

www.amazon.co.uk/Baby-Wrap-CuddleBug-Available-Postpartum/dp/B00OJVNSFA/ref=sr_1_1?s=baby&keywords=cuddlebug+wrap&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1517407931&sr=1-1

This was the kind of wrap I used. As far as I remember there wasn't a weight restriction. I mainly used it around the house so dd could sleep upright on me while I got on with other stuff.

I just watched a YouTube video a few times to get the hang of how to tie it.