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Parenting

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Original poster

Toddler toothbrushing - at my wits end!

25 replies

NordicNobody · 30/01/2018 23:04

I'm having a nightmare brushing 15 month old DS teeth. He used to do it himself and be OK with it, just had a few teeth so mostly just for fun. Now he has molars and his canines are on the way, I can see food caught in them after meal and he still breastfeeds at night so I'm concerned now about him brushing properly. When I give him his brush he sucks the toothpaste off and chucks it away. So I do it for him. At first he protested but I was quick and got it done without too much trauma, but as the weeks have gone on it's got worse and worse. He flails and screams and sobs. I have to hold his arms and a few times even had to wrap him up in a towel to stop him fighting me. We're very attached/ gentle in our parenting style so this absolutely breaks my heart, but I reasoned that it was better than cavities. Tonight he got so upset and I saw that I made his gum bleed a bit so obviously I jabbed him or something while he was thrashing. I can't do this anymore, I feel like the shittest parent ever that I did this at all and wish I could take the last few weeks back. I thought I was doing the right thing but little by little it's escalated and now I'm afraid I've broken his trust/ traumatised him. What should I do? Am I worrying too much and "proper" brushing at this age isn't that important? I just found out I'm pregnant btw and my emotions are running wild so possibly feeling more upset/ worried than I should over this.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

GreenTulips · 30/01/2018 23:07

Lots of great tooth brushes available

Some sing in your head - some have lights and vibrate

Do yours at the same time and ignore him! Give him a brush and let him stand and watch he'll soon learn

ShovingLeopard · 30/01/2018 23:15

Before I had DD, I used to read news articles about under-fives with cavities, and be utterly appalled that any parent would fail to brush their toddler's teeth. Now I realise a large part of that cohort must be sporting blackened stumps because the fuckers don't let you clean them.

At 2.5, DD now more or less allows me to brush without an epic fight. She still sucks off the paste, chews the brush, thrusts it away with her tongue, yadda yadda, to the extent that I am quite convinced that I am only realistically removing half the plaque I need to each time, but what can you do? You can try making it a game, or bribe or threaten. I currently find threatening removal of (very much rationed) TV time does the trick. If wrapping him in a towel achieves the aim, then maybe that's just the way you have to go right now. Sounds like you are otherwise gentle, so hopefully it shouldn't affect your bond.

Animalvegetable · 30/01/2018 23:21

I have two DCs, 3 and 2. Try going on YouTube on your phone and putting Elmo brushing teeth song on. Works for us! Encourages it to be something fun

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1 year olds 1st trimester General parenting General pregnancy

Brys125 · 30/01/2018 23:30

Have had to pin down both my DS to brush their teeth. They were rewarded with a sticker if they did it without a fuss. Felt terrible holding them down but they learnt it was the hard way or easy way. I felt the importance of brushing thier teeth came first.

TillyTheTiger · 30/01/2018 23:34

Turn it into a game... I tell DS that we have to brush away the tiny animals that are hiding between his teeth and he loves it and lets me brush no problem while I tell him about the teeny lions and zebras I've found.

Petrichery · 30/01/2018 23:35

Mine went through an anti-toothbbrushing phase at about 18months -2yrs.
Following advice on mn, i bought three brushes (one for each of her hands and one for me), and always accompanied brushing with “ooh, you’ve got all animals stuck in your teeth again, dd, we have to get those brushed out. Look - here’s a cow, Mooooooo, and here’s a flock of owls, twit twoooo, and what’s this right at the back, oh no, crocodiles, snap snap, we definitely have to get them brushed out” etc etc
Sounds like drivel but she was transfixed from day one and it really worked. She went from thrashing and shouting to actively wanting her teeth brushed again.
And it’s amazing how many animal sounds you can dredge up when you need to...

Tryingtogetitright · 30/01/2018 23:37

Try the Blippi Toothbrushing song on youtube.... Blippi is a nightmare but my three year old loves him and this song has made brushing his teeth less of a battle. Good luck!

Tryingtogetitright · 30/01/2018 23:39

Oooooh love PPs animal idea I'm going to try that. Thank you!

MrsSiba · 30/01/2018 23:39

I made up a song that we used to sing.

Now we brush our teeth to impress Mr Dentist all in the expectation of a sticker on the next visit.

But some days they just don't want to play ball. We had a full on meltdown tonight because I put the toothpaste on and DD likes to do it.

PinkBlueYellow · 30/01/2018 23:44

Mine is nearly 3 and still kicks off for morning and night brushing. But it's tough, it has to be done. I don't ever lose my temper with him, but I never back down so if it takes 20 mins or longer then so be it. It usually takes no more than 5 mins these days but is often accompanied by lots of tears and wailing. I figure he'll be crying a whole lot more if he has to have fillings or teeth out.....

welshmist · 30/01/2018 23:50

Singing toothbrush is great, we just singalong and do the four quadrants of his teeth. Elephants top left, zebras bottom left, monkeys top right, giraffes bottom right. Sounds silly typing it out, but it works.

Neverenoughspoons · 30/01/2018 23:54

Brush baby do a chewable toothbrush that my son loved at that age. Recommended by the British dental association. So I used to give him that as well as trying to brush them with a normal brush afterwards.

Rainatnight · 31/01/2018 09:24

Feel your pain. And like you, really don't feel comfortable doing it by force.

Some great ideas on this thread. Two things I find that help - if I tell DD (19 months) I'm going to 'tickle her teeth'. And then I make a big deal of 'tickling' when I'm in with the toothbrush.

Letting her do it and taking turns. She's just becoming very independent, and I think part of the issue is not liking things done 'to' her. So she has a 'turn' (chewing on toothbrush) and then Mama has a turn (frantic brushing). It all goes to pot when she announces that it's her turn precisely 1.5 seconds after my turn has begun, of course...

TomFun · 31/01/2018 09:35

Following with interest as I have a bit of a battle brushing my 14 month old's teeth! I have awful teeth and I'm so worried about hers, I don't want her getting to my age and having a mouthful of fillings

Rainatnight · 31/01/2018 11:25

I'm the same, Tom. Determined not to make the same mistakes with DD's teeth.

Original poster

NordicNobody · 31/01/2018 13:03

Thanks for the replies everyone. Some brilliant suggestions here for making it into a game. I think I'm just going yo focus this week on de escalating things and trying to get him happy about toothbrushing again, even if that means they don't get brushed very well for a few days. I think breaking that negative association is important at this point. Will definitely try all the suggestions! I've found a few books on toothbrushing as well that might help. Why do the little monkeys have to be so willfull haha?

OP posts:

MigGril · 31/01/2018 13:10

Everyone has already given you lots of really great suggestions and while we found this worked with DD. DS was a lot more stubborn we did have to resort to just pinning him to brush his teeth, he grow out of this phase. But I'm so happy he doesn't have any teeth problems the last thing I would have wanted is to have given in and not brushed his teeth.

Good luck I hope you find something that works for your DS.

Rainatnight · 02/02/2018 10:11

Wow, Petrichery, I tried your thing with the animals this morning and it was amazing! Literally opening her mouth wide, showing me her molars going, 'more monkeys! More monkeys!'

Her teeth have never been so clean! Thank you, thank you.

WhyTheHeckMe · 02/02/2018 22:37

My ds was a nightmare so we bought him another toothbrush and now every teeth clean time we give him options..
Do you want to sit on the floor or the toilet seat?
So you want the blue brush or the green?
Who's teeth do you want to brush tonight?
We allow him to choose one of his teddies and while we brush his teeth, he's distracted by brushing his teddies teeth.
If he starts getting bored I say "ooh mummy's turn to brush my teeth then" and take his toothbrush towards my mouth and usually he laughs and says "no no no mine" and opens his mouth and let's me carry on.
The more stressed I got the more stressed he got.
It may not work for all kids but allowing that extra bit of time for it to be more fun is what turned it around for us. He's now just turned 2.
Good luck!

Summerdays2014 · 04/02/2018 19:45

I read this with internet as my just turned 2 year old is a nightmare when the toothbrush comes out. Tonight I tried the “there’s a crocodile/dog/tiger quickly let’s brush it out” as suggested by another poster and he actually opened his mouth without complaining! He found the whole thing hilarious and I had to get the toothbrush out a second time to find more animals! This is why I love mumsnet! So thank you to the poster who suggested it and to everything else (sorry, this isn’t even my thread but I’m so pleased I actually managed to brush his teeth without a fight tonight!)

Rainatnight · 04/02/2018 20:01

It's ace, isn't it?

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 04/02/2018 20:04

Do it in front of the TV.

wheresthel1ght · 04/02/2018 20:32

Dd did this, if you are using the fruity toothpaste then swap to a minty one as that has helped, but so has an electric brush. It's much easier to do it and even when she buggers about they still mostly get done

Petrichery · 04/02/2018 23:08

Aww, i’m so proud
Actually, much as i’d love to claim credit, i got the advice off mumsnet myself, so i’m just passing on the wisdom. And mine was the same - total success from the first time we tried it, and by the time her interest wained (many months later), she was in the habit of teeth brushing and just puts up with it now. Genuinely a break through for us.
Also, i now do a pretty good elephant noise, so that was an unexpected bonus...

FartnissEverbeans · 05/02/2018 15:30

DS is okay for now, though that will probably change (doesn't everything). In the meantime I use raspberry toothpaste, let him brush my teeth, let him play with the toothbrush when we're not brushing, and clap profusely when we're done.

Nappies on the other hand are like medieval torture

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