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Original poster

Daughter going off the rails

13 replies

choco94 · 28/01/2018 23:02

Help me I do not know who to talk to. My daughter has recently separated from her partner and she is acting very strangely. She has three children 20 17 and 15. She has turned against them, won't feed them just screams at them all the time. She also is distancing herself from her Dad and I. Doesn't phone us anymore and we call her she just says yes and no, absolutely no conversation whatsoever. I have her children calling me very upset. It seems like depression and she has threatened to leave her children, but I don't know what she means by that. Who can I contact as she isn't going to listen to any of her family. Please help.

OP posts:
Christmascardqueen · 28/01/2018 23:19

could you meet up with your three grand children (young adults) and discuss what is happening? drug and alcohol and or mental health issues is what immediately comes to mind but i wouldn't rule out cancer.
in an emergency could the three count on being able to stay at your home?

becotide · 28/01/2018 23:23

can the children stay with you?

my mother did that, it was awful for my brother and sister.

EggsonHeads · 28/01/2018 23:26

Definitely sounds like depression or maybe anxiety. Your grandchildren should stay with you if possible.

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paranoidpammywhammy2 · 28/01/2018 23:34

How is she acting strangely?

Perhaps she thinks they should be feeding themselves?

They are nearly all young adults at 15, 17 and 20.

Did you know she was having problems with her partner?

Does she work? Do the children share chores? Does the 20 year old work?

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 28/01/2018 23:37

What is she screaming at her children?

Does she need someone to listen to her?

Does she have friends/close brother or sister she might talk to?

MulhuddartDrive · 28/01/2018 23:45

Is her ex the other parent of the children? What is s/he doing to support them?

PhilODox · 28/01/2018 23:48

Why would a 20yo and a 17yo need feeding? They should be sorting the food between them, making sure 15yo is fed/sleeping enough, and taking care of their mum. It sounds as though everything has got on top of her.

Original poster
choco94 · 29/01/2018 08:40

I have spoken to the children, and I would love to have them stay with me but I only have a one bedroom. She doesn't take drugs and doesn't drink at all. Yes the children can feed themselves when there is food in the house. She refuses to go to the shops and the eldest is buying all the food. The children's father lives overseas. The eldest works and does cook for them when she is there and the other two won't help. They think she hates them. When I say she is acting strangely she has put all her belongings in bin bags to do what with I have no clue. She tells the children that they won't have to put up with her for long as she will be gone in 2 weeks. What she means by that I also have no clue. She won't go to the doctor as she is anti drugs such as prozac etc. So what do I do?

OP posts:
Chaosofcalm · 29/01/2018 09:23

Her children are being abused and neglected and your daughter is showing signs of mental illness. You need to ring her GP and ask to speak to a GP. While her GP can’t share any information with you they will listen to your concerns. You also need to contact children’s SS due to your concerns about their care.

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 29/01/2018 09:27

Did her children have anything to do with the break up?

The younger two that won't help - teenagers can be really difficult - it does sound like she's had enough and is going to leave. I'm not sure how you can physically stop her.

It might be that she needs a break to work out what she wants to do.

Is her house owed or rented?

What will the consequences be if she moves out?

Will the 20 year old be able to care for the younger children for a few weeks?

Original poster
choco94 · 29/01/2018 12:36

Her house is rented and yes the older child is very responsible and can care for them. She says she is happy in herself that she has made this decision as she is sick to death of hurting the people that she loves. She did go to a therapist a while back and they said that there was nothing wrong and that she was suffering from mild anxiety and she should remove herself from the people that cause her anxiety. What sort of answer was that? She has always been short tempered and mouth off at people, she has tried to stop that but feels she can't as it is her make up. Thanks for all the responses I really appreciate peoples opinions.

OP posts:
paranoidpammywhammy2 · 29/01/2018 12:48

I think you need to get all the practical stuff sorted out.

Money, child benefit, tax credits, housing benefit - may be universal credit? for if the parent leaves. Put plans into place.

She's an adult and you can't really control what she does.

At least she's seen a therapist. It doesn't sound as if staying is healthy for anyone.

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 29/01/2018 12:50

Don't make it impossible for her to come back. Don't give ultimatums.

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