My 17 year old daughter has lost all respect for me since i have stopped working... help!

[anaisfinn123]

When I did work, I worked 45 hours a week but I don't work anymore for medical reasons, and my lovely daughter, who is excellent at school, has lots of friends and is very kind to everyone, treats me awfully. She is studying her A Levels and has no respect for me when I have spent my day doing housework, caring for her younger brother, preparing her meals, tidying her room as well as her brothers and my husband. I get tired quite easily and was telling her when I picked her up that I was tired and stressed and asked for her help with the housework. She looked at me and said that I had all day to do that and she had a lot on with school work. I understand that but since I have stopped working I feel as if she thinks I relax all day and so has no respect for me, believing that I am complaining when I am only asking for her help. I get the sense that she doesn't think she has to help me anymore because I don't have a job. How do I gain her respect for me again? Is this normal? Thanks

she has never been jealous of her brothers, she loves them to bits. Her room is never messy, just things like dusting, hoovering and not leaving her folders and books all over the floor and windowsill. That is all I am asking of her. It's odd because she used to help so much, make tea and hoover and everything. But since A levels, she is busy which I understand, but it is as though she has a right not to do those things anymore. I just asked her now to get any coathangers from her wardrobe for when I do the ironing and she just put them on the floor outside her room. Not even in the basket where they belong another four steps away from where she knows they are kept.

Typical teenage behaviour. Not that it justifies the attitude. Stop tidying her room so that is less work for you. If she say no to little things like taking the bin out, as pointed upthread, just say no to her when she wants lifts. She will learn quick enough, If she doesnt, then its still win win for you as you wont have to run after her as much.

So what are you going to do OP? If you just want to complain then that's fine. But the kid you once had is gone and if you don't nip this entitles rude behaviour in the bud now you will reap what you sow.

You are her mother, not her friend.

I don’t see this as normal teenage behaviour

Her mother is will. I’ll wboufh that she has to give up work. And yet she displays no empathy, just rudeness and judgement. This is not “normal”.

Her mother is ill

Thank you, I want her to be how she used to be. Because I know she is able to do it. She is helpful in some ways I guess, because she plays with her brothers and always asks to babysit them, helps her father, she just doesn't help when I ask her to.

This brings back memories. The way I got through it was by closing her bedroom door and not looking at the chaos within. Stop tidying her room. I'm assuming that you're still ironing her clothes? No coat hangers, no ironing. I’m

I will sort her out. Maybe because it was exam season. I will start a new thread about her behaviour in a couple of weeks to see what I still need to do.
I am going to have a sit-down talk with her about it because I can't stand it anymore.

1980 " I’ll wboufh"

Will you now!

Op yes, I'd say to her straight, what is your problem? Leaving hangers on the floor. Meh.

Thank you for everyone's help. I have just had a talk and she is going to keep her room tidy always, hoover the house once a week, collect the washing, wash the dishes after dinner every day and change her own bedding. Once she starts pulling her weight, I will help her more. She can walk to and from school and to her work on weekends until I see a change.

I think sometimes it is hard to understand or accept other people’s incapacity - even to the point of not believing them - and especially for teens who are developmentally egocentric. I would roll your eyes and carry on, perhaps pointing out that she is being unneccessarily disparaging and that it is not ‘your work’ for you to ask for help with, but family responsibilities, unless she does not subscribe to equality for women.

I am actually finding this a bit with my teenage daughter - a kind of ‘looking down on me’ while trying to impress her Dad. I think it is just developmental. I am hanging in there, and pointing out when I am disliking being ridiculed/disparaged or laughed at. I am still the one asked to do anything that she needs help with. The joys of being an older woman.

Ok, that being the case, I'd stop running round after her. When she notices, tell her it's a case of quid pro quo - she needs to help out with the family chores and then you'll start giving her lifts and doing her washing again.

Sorry, I see you've already decided to do that! Good luck, OP. It's probably just exam stress and generalised teenage stroppiness rather than a lack of respect. I hope she pulls it together soon.

I've got kids going through A levels and there's no way they would speak to me like that. I think the tone of this thread is blaming the OP somewhat, for asking her to help. Yes, A Levels are stressful, but they aren't so bad that she cannot take the recycling bag out!
I agree that she might be motivated by fear, but equally she might just be trying it on. Agree also that you should be less accommodating when it comes to giving lifts etc. If she wants help and consideration herself, then she has to behave in a helpful and considerate fashion first!

i remember being so stressed and tense during my a levels. It felt like my entire future was riding on them so unlike any work related stress i have had since.

I had a full stressful day at school with teachers reminding us how soon exams were and then a mountain of coursework and homework in the evening. My mum really helped me during those times by not asking me to do additional work around the house so i could focus at night and not get sidetracked if i went downstairs for a zone out while i boiled the kettle.

Often when i was getting a drink or a snack downstairs it was more so i could get away from my desk for a few mins and zone out/work out a problem.....

honestly she sounds tense with school and exam pressure and it releases at you when you interact...i dont think its a respect thing... Id cut her some slack and not ask for favours until shes obviously finished her work for the evening and see if that changes the response.