It's time for "the chat" ...

[londonista]

Our 9 and a half year old has been asking a few questions of late about human reproduction. He doesn't know about 'sex' yet, as such, but he is getting interested in the biological mechanics of it all. I noticed you can still buy the book "Where did I come from?" which my parents gave to me over 30 years ago. Is that still the 'recommended text' for pre-teens, and if not is there another book you would recommend?
We will have a chat with him as well, but he's quite bookish and academic, and I know it'll sink in further if we give him a book about it as well.
He has a younger brother, who's 7 and a half. Would you tell them both? Or wait? Just looking for opinions.

Oh dear - I was glad there were NO friends round that day!

I didn't bother with books, just talked about it along the way as the subject arose with DS1. I'm quite happy though being up front with my DC, don't think DH would have been as comfortable doing it.

I guess DS2 got most of his info from DS1 as he doesn't seem to need anything explaining

FunnysInLaJardin

LOL, yes I suspect our second son will be the same. He's doesn't like being the last to know about anything really!

Is it easier talking to boys about sex and relationships I wonder?

I am dreading having to tell them about wet dreams etc. Over to Dad.

I read a terrifying statistic about the percentage of children who first see porn in Year 6 - 35% or something. They're only 11!

God, I really have left it late haven't I....!

Steppemum, did you actually show DS a condom?
I don't think I need to go that far in initial chat, do I?

I remember horrifically awkward 80s sex-ed class involving cucumbers, but actually good to practice the technique and normalise it!

Oh no! He said something/asked something that was obviously a combination of playground knowledge and truth.

So, I explained simply what a condom did, and why they were used, and I covered pregnancy and disease in that. Aware all the time of the flapping ears of the younger ones.

He had a couple of follow up questions about getting pregnant, including a pretty vile obviously repeated comment. So I said something along the lines of -
sex is great, when you are the right age, and when you both feel happy, but sex can always lead to a baby and it is the job of both the boy and the girl to make sure that doesn't happen, and if it does the baby is the responsibility of the mum and the dad. You don't want to be a dad at 15/16 and responsible for that child for the next 18 years. Sex is one of those fun things that comes with responsibility attached.

It was a much 'heavier' converstaion than I expected, but given what he was coming home saying, he was obviously hearing that level somewhere and I felt I needed to counter it.

(he is now 15 and still very much a kid, and not even a girlfriend in sight at the moment!)

I got two for my DD - ‘Hair in Funny Places’ - kind of Winnie the Witch style cartoons but really, really good & suitable from about age 8 upwards. Deals with both sexes so great. The other was an Usborne (I think) which was narrated by a bee and a bird and was absolutely brilliant - it didn’t only do the ‘mechanics’ but also discussed sexuality etc etc. If I can either find it or remember the name I’ll come back!

Both these were used by my DD and my godson so suitable for both sexes.

We were lucky too in that they had sessions in school from about age 7 that covered the basics gradually, and the school sent a booklet home for parents setting out what they were covering each year so we were ready for questions.

She’s 16 now and we’ve had some fairly frank discussions, especially after her best friend decided she wanted to dtd with her bf and came to me for advice on contraception.

As long as you let your DS know he can ask you anything you’ll be fine. .

Arrrrgh, thanks for that, I will look up that book.

Had a chat with my husband on the weekend, saying "it's time" etc.
Just trying to find a quiet weekend to sit down with him!

On Saturday, I was tickling him, and I leant down and caught a whiff of him - he had BO! I was so shocked, as he's always smelled so delicious. So I went out and bought some low aluminium ones for him. He sighed and said "how long do I have to use these for mum?", like he had an illness! Forever, son, if you want friends, forever!