Loneliness

[Ilovemybaby91]

Does anyone else find some days you feel particularly lonely? I know I'm lucky my partner leaves for work at 8 & is home by 6 & I try to fill my week with play dates, baby groups etc... I'm by no means depressed, I love my daughter & I love being a mum but some days (like today) feel so long & it's only 10am!

God all the time!

People don't want to say anything negative about having children but the loneliness of mat leave can be crushing!

I made a point of getting out every day to break up the long day. Even if the weather was shocking I just wrapped us up and got out.

I also spent a looooooot of time with my own mum than I ever did before. She loved it obviously but probably didn't realise at the time that it was saving my sanity too!

clara right? I feel bad complaining because I know I'm very lucky to have her. Most of my friends/family work I have a few friends with kids I see regularly but on the odd day it's just the two of us indoors the loneliness hits hard & fast only 7 hours till daddy is home ha!

Completely normal I’d say. How old is your DD? I found going out to groups, children centre groups etc really helped when mine were that age. It gave some structure to my week. Important to get out for a walk or fresh air etc. It’s hard when you’ve been used to the world of work and adult company.

I’ve been a stay at home mum for oooo around 7 years - went back part time last year for an 8 month contract. Can’t see the loneliness gets any better! If anything worse as mine both at primary now, with babies and toddlers you are busy with them.

Yes.

Having dreamed of maternity leave, I hated it. My dm died while I was expecting, and all my sisters & friends work so the isolation was total, made worse by the lack of funds. So much so that I went back to work full time as soon as I could.

Maybe I'm just not "mother material"

Kings - don’t be hard on yourself. I think actually going back to work is often the sanest option in lots of ways! I also don’t have family/other support, and that makes being at home much harder I think. If I could pop to family etc throughout the week I would. Some days the only adult chat is small talk at the school gates. I just don’t think this is how motherhood is meant to be. We should all be in communities and supporting each other. We are all so much more isolated these days. I’m happy for those that have good support and communities and also a little envious as I would like this for myself/would have liked it when my girls were younger.

Even speaking to your neighbours feels like a radical act where I live! People just ignore each other and we all wonder why mental health is such a massive issue.

Yes. Very much so.

It became much easier for me to truly enjoy time alone with DS when he started, you know, doing stuff. Around the age of 1 or so. Now we can read books, play with toys, have a basic conversation... He's good company. But before that, it was so isolating!!

How old is she, OP? I have a 5 month old. I stay sane by getting out every day, ideally to an organised thing (coffee, class, NCT meeting, cinema) but if need be we go to Sainsbury’s to buy one tomato.

Kings it doesn't make you not mother material at all! I complete understand the need to return to work for some sort of independence! Work before was work... now it would seem almost like an enjoyable outing! I would miss my baby for sure, but it's just not worrying about anyone but you for a while & an adult environment seems very appealing! My daughter is 7 months... I think the first few months were just a whirl of wow I'm a mum, everyone visiting, everything was fantastic. Now we're in a bit more of a routine/back to normality trying to keep the week socially busy isn't always easy!

currently sitting on my butt talking to you ladies whilst the other half bathes her. I can hear her laughing from here

Yeah I think at that stage I was getting out to groups quite a bit. Was breastfeeding so going to bf group and ended up training as a peer supporter which gave me something else to do, think about etc and other mums to meet with and be social. You’ve got to seek stuff out if you want it as it won’t usually find you. But definitely the days are long when baby is that age - make the most of any nap times I guess if you can to have some time to yourself. Each stage and age comes with different challenges.

Don’t know if it would help - depends on your personality, but maybe a schedule would help you give some structure to your week. You can have things to do on set days etc : groups, library, shops, walks... Thst might be totally not helpful but just thought I’d mention it. We are so used to structure from work I think that suddenly at home all day with a baby some women feel fast adrift a bit.

*Cast not fast

Thanks fleet we do have messy play on a Thursday & a baby group on a Wednesday. She's at that funny age where she can't do much but she's hard to entertain at home.. the weather has been crap, raining almost every day so park hasn't been possible really... have been to friends for play dates but some days I just can't fill we have a busy weekend ahead & hopefully the weather will be better next week! I definitely need to try & find some more things for us to do to fill the week up..

I’m about to have mine any day and am coming from a career of long hours and exciting work - I’m definitely slightly dreading f the long drawn out days with not much variety and not many people around me. I’m hoping a combination of NCT friends, neighbours, and play groups will keep me vaguely sane!

My OH goes back to work Monday we have a 3 week old and dreading being alone all day he leaves at 7 and not back till 8 . I have left a very full on job when I interact with people all day. I'm really going to struggle too.
I've already got a few classes/groups for the week booked but seem to be only one with such a young baby!!! But can't stand being in house all day!!
I know I should be looking forward to spending the day with LO but will also be counting down hours till OH is home and literally talking to anyone that will listen!!!

know I should be looking forward to spending the day with LO

I have a five month old and I don’t “agree” (wrong choice of word, but iyswim) with the above. I love spending time with my daughter, but not all day every day. I find it really really important to go out every day. At this age they don’t need classes for them - have coffee with other mums, or go to one of many classes which are (in a good way) just a vehicle for socialising with other new mums. And if need be just get trousers on and push the pram to the nearest supermarket to buy a single banana - just get out every day.

Very bored some days. My ds2 is now 6 weeks ol and after school run its just the 2 of us till pick up. What can a 6 week old do between feeding and sleeping??? I do try and get out every day....but as i had a c section have been unable to drive till now.....so having to rely on friends etc for anything which isn't within walking distance.
Baby massage is a drive away.
1 baby group a week - walkable.
Now i can move more easily I'll try and get out for a walk every day....other than this i feel quite isolated and often pathetic. Trying to make the most of it whilst he's little and static....but i spend a lot of time on MN just for sanity.
(Plus when ds moves his arm/hand he keeps hitting the 'Active' button on MN and then i lose my post!!! lol.)