Feeding to sleep

[Aintlifelikethat]

Hi, I’m hoping for some advice regarding my six month old dd. I have been incredibly lucky with my daughter, she has slept through from approximately 9pm-8am since she was 2 weeks old. She is a really happy and giggly baby and so easy so I feel guilty complaining about anything but I have always fed her (ebf) to sleep and I really would like to be able to put her to bed and let her self settle.

Currently our routine is she has a bath, has a long feed until she falls asleep, starting at about 8.30-9pm and then I put her in her cot when she’s sound asleep. I have tried starting her evening routine earlier but she never falls asleep before 9-10pm.

I would love to be able to feed her and put her in her cot while she’s still awake because to be honest my nipples have had enough of being used as a dummy. She will suck on them, not drinking for anything from 5-40 mins before falling properly asleep and it’s getting really painful. The last couple of weeks she has woken up about an hour after she falls asleep and my dh sometimes manages to get her back to sleep walking round with her but if not I have to feed again for anything up to a couple of hours.

I have spoken to HVs who say they wouldn’t change things if she’s sleeping through. All that I’ve read suggests putting her in her cot and playing white noise/sshhing her and keeping a hand on her but she cries as soon as she’s put in her cot awake. The crying very quickly turns to full on screaming.

To give all information, I get her to sleep for her daytime naps the same way and she will only sleep on me during the day. I’m very loathe to give her a dummy having lasted this long without one.

Any advice would be incredibly gratefully received!

You could try introducing a dummy if you want. That might help with the comfort sucking and should have no affect at all on her latch at this point. I found it helped a lot and it was easy to get rid of when our dd was older and we were ready to move on. That said, if what you're doing otherwise is working (minus the pain), I wouldn't change it up too much. I feed mine to sleep at bedtime until around 6 months (and then she would still be awake so just lying down next to her and giving her a cuddle then sneaking away when she was asleep worked), still fed her to sleep at night though. But really if it's working, keep doing it. It won't be like that forever. No way mine would have gone to sleep with white noise and shushing! But a dummy did help a lot. I still had to stay with her though, but our bedtimes were much earlier by that point (6:30pm ish). Mine didn't self settle until around 10-11 months, which is pretty normal. I think 6 months is still quite young, so I wouldn't necessarily worry just yet that you are doing anything much different than what everyone else is doing.

Thank you so much for your reply and reassurance. I think I worry because of everything I’ve read and friends saying that they put their babies to bed and they self settle. It’s good to hear this isn’t always the norm. I’ll just keep slapping on the lanisoh and give it more time.

My baby (nearly 1 year), loves to feed to sleep. To get to the point where I can put her down drowsy but awake, I do the following routine:-

While she feeds, I notice what sort of sucking she's doing. When she gets to the fluttery, comfort sucking I wait for her to do five of those. Then I swap her over to the other breast. (Breaking the latch with my little finger while saying "ok, other booby!")

Then I wait again for her to do the comfort suck thing... again, five of those. Then I break the latch. If she protests or roots, I give her the nip again. Wait about 10 seconds/when her mouth stops moving (whichever is soonest) and break the latch again. I might have to do this a couple or few times but eventually, she stops rooting/protesting and I can put her down in her cot.

Thanks for that, I’ll give it a go. Do you put her straight in her cot when you’ve broken the latch the second time (or however many times until she stops looking for it) or hold her until she’s properly asleep then put her in?

Step away from the baby books, all they do is make you feel like you're doing something wrong!
If it's not a problem for you, it's not a problem!
I fed my DS to sleep for almost a year, and he's a great sleeper now, still doing the same with DD.
Baby is so little, and if it ain't broke, don't fix it!

This might not be what you want to hear but I'm afraid the only way I've got away from feeding to sleep with my two was controlled crying at around 6 months. With both of them it started to take hours of faffing to actually get them asleep in the cot and both of them started getting overtired and grouchy because they weren't getting enough sleep.
The second one got to a point where it was taking me 2-3 hours and about 25 attempts to lower him into the cot asleep and then if he woke up in the night a similar lengthy battle.

I did try other methods first but they both refused dummies completely and co-sleeping just didn't work for either of us, we just disturbed each other and I got backache from sleeping in funny positions.
I understand why people don't like it but I had run out of other options and both of them have been much happier babies afterwards because they were getting more sleep.

I experimented with it....

The sooner the better after I break the latch, is where we came to after many nights! If I put her down completely asleep, when she wakes up a little bit in the night she's all "where's Mum?!"

If she is a little bit awake when I put her down, she looks around, sees she's in the cot and falls asleep most nights&naps. She protests sometimes but I do the shushing thing and stroke her to get her to calm down and fall asleep.

I fed both of mine to sleep, this was mych easier than trying anything else (which I tried with my older one and eas feeling like a total failure). They both stopped falling asleep feeding sometime before their first birthdays and learned to fall asleep by themselves without too much trouble. My advice would be, don't try to change what works. As for a dummy, I seriously doubt she would accept it at this point.

DD fed to sleep until she was 9 months old. I ended up doing the white noise/gradual retreat with her... It took 2 hours the first night and was rough all round, but by the end of the second week I could pop her down and walk out! She definitely wouldn't have stood for it at 6 months though, it's still very young, so don't put pressure on yourself if you feel that you and/or DD aren't ready for it just yet. Just do what works.

Thank you everyone for your advice, it’s been really helpful. I will stop panicking that she’s too old to be feeding to sleep and go with it. I am loathe to change things too much, I like my sleep and worry if I upset her she might stop sleeping through!

I will hold off trying to make any changes for at least a few months.

A dummy might not work. DS2 was a snacker, little frequent feeds, and the HV suggested a dummy, which he rejected after a week, presumably because it didn't have milk coming out of it.

What's the issue with a dummy? They serve a purpose.

I wasn't happy feeding to sleep for the discomfort and for setting up a sleep association that would get increasingly difficult to break. I swapped the dummy in as DS got drowsy and carried on cuddling to begin with. Then moved to putting him down sleepy but awake.

I was hearing exactly the same thing, my little man is coming up for 6 months and everyone was saying ..ooh he needs to learn to self soothe and put himself to sleep. I thought there was absolutely no chance he would do that..luckily he seems to have taken to it quite well. Once he has actually stopped feeding, I break his latch then I snuggle him, but he is still dozy and I place him down in his crib ssshh him or sing twinkle twinkle and he dozes off.
However my hubby and I decided we would definitely not be letting him controlled cry.. He is a baby and if he feels lonely or scared he can have a bloody cuddle, they are still so young at this age and if it is not an issue for you to keep it that way, and distresses your LO to put them down, then I would just carry on as you are. I like the suggestion of putting the baby books down, ignoring all the "what you should do " people and just enjoy your baby the way you feel us best. It sounds like you are doing a fab job 😄😄

I think feeding to sleep is the most natural mothering technique in the world. No rocking or shhing or pick up put down or cry it out. Just mother and baby. I find myself worrying that I'm doing something wrong by feeding my 5 month old to sleep at night and for most day naps, when my friends' babies can be laid down in their cold to sleep... but idk, it's such a beautiful thing to hold my sleeping baby who only feels safe enough to sleep when in my arms that I carry on.

Your baby sleeps through? Amazing. I wouldn't change a thing. I don't need to breast feed to sleep now ;) I know our babies will learn to fall asleep on their own when they are a little bigger.

Thank you everyone for your advice and reassurance. I’m feeling a lot happier about it now and will carry on as I have been. I agree, in many ways it is such a wonderful thing to be able to do and I do love having her in my arms!

I’ve been putting on the lanisoh more frequently and that seems to be helping with the discomfort. Stupidly, I will probably miss her falling asleep on me when she eventually grows out of it!