How can I boost dd’s confidence?

[Longdistance]

Hi, I’m just after some tips for my dd. She’s 8, so Year 3 and she’s been with the same dc since reception, so they all know each other very well. She says none of them are playing with her, and she’s on her own.
One girl particularly bosses dd about, says she can’t sit in a certain seat as someone else is sitting there. I know her dps, but don’t talk to them much as —they’re a pair of nosey bastards— invited my dd round for a play date and started asking me loads of questions
This girl has also done stuff like, you’re not coming to my party, yes you are, no you’re not. One minute she’s her friend, next she’s not.

She was upset tonight, but I’ve given her a few tips like her standing her ground, rather than being pushed around.

I would love some tips for dd, just so she can stick up for herself.

I’m hoping you get some really good answers. My daughter is in yr 6 and struggles. I could weep ( I have , but not in front of her) a lot of days when she comes home from school. I don’t know what to do either and I feel like a useless mum and helpless.
I keep telling my dd that school yrs are hard and girls are not nice a lot of the time and can be really bitchy ( and sly and manipulative). I know I’m biased but I try not to be unrealistic and I think my daughter would be a pretty nice friend so I don’t know why she struggles.
I send you and your DD best wishes and hope you get some great answers

I know this won't directly address the problem OP, but is she in any groups like Brownies (or Rainbows is it at that age)? My DS had/has a fairly domineering friend in his class, and we started him in Beavers and Tae Kwon Do, just to try and build his confidence away from the school environment. The friend is still on the scene, but DS definitely has more confidence as a result - obviously it's hard to know exactly what goes on at school but I feel like overall, things have improved. I'm interested to see what other people say about how to help them actually deal with situations like that at the time though.

I would have a quiet word with the teacher. Mention that this is happening and ask her to keep an eye on things. Don’t worry about being ‘that’ parent - teachers are used to dealing with friendship issues as well as learning.

Also, can you invite any ‘nice’ girls over to play after school? And I agree with Private that activities outside school can boost a child’s self esteem.

Hi, thanks for the tips. Dd already does Brownies, and this girl is in it too. Dd joined Rainbows and she invited this girl, and others in her class when they were in year 1. It’s at the school and dd goes after school with ASC as I work full time, but term time only. So play dates are difficult to plan.
I may speak to the teacher as we’re due a parents evening soon. Thanks for the advice ❤️

I do agree girls can be horrible. I used to get left out at school, so know full well what it’s like.
I just don’t want that for dd. Dd2 has loads of friends, and they’re all kind to each other. She’s in year 2, same school.

My kids both go through this every so often but I really try to have them not feel like a victim. It sounds weird but I say ‘now you know how it feels when kids act like that, make sure you never make anyone else feel that way.’ ‘These kids just don’t have the social skills you do.’ I was bullied badly myself and still think I am crap and I will not have my kids think they are less than other kids. Also bullied kids easily become bullies so what I say hopefully stops the cycle. I will see in time I guess!