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Grandparents rights

12 replies

3Blues · 24/01/2018 14:23

Hello!

I am looking for some advice regarding grandparents rights. My mother lives in a different country (she is British but lives abroad) and we are estranged. We have always had a tough relationship, with her always being very controlling and demanding. Some background: she hated my now husband, but paid for us to get married. She then tells me to leave him, and by the following day would say she thinks he's great.

With my children, she has always spoilt them but at the same time thought that she knows best with them. She took my first child for his first haircut without consulting me, taking away that milestone from me when she was meant to be spending time with him for the morning. She would let my two boys watch films I deemed inappropriate for them, take them to places I specifically asked her not to take them etc. One example is London after there were the problems in Westminister. She was having them for the day and night and I asked her to not take them to London as my signal would be sketchy where I was going and if something went wrong in London I wouldn't be able to get hold of them. She sent me a full agenda (not my requirement) stating what she was doing with our sons for the day, all local to where we live. However she picked them up, took them to London for lunch with estranged family members and called me to tell me once she was there.

My children are busy almost every weekend with activities etc and she will demand to see them, to have them over night etc when she is in the UK. I have said no to her having them overnight as I don't trust where she says she's staying with them, and I don't truly trust that she is doing what she says she is with my children, aged 7&8. She has demanded to see them next weekend, they are busy all weekend and will not be dropping their commitments; they don't want to drop them, and she is now threatening me via email.

What I want to know is, what are grandparents rights to see grandchildren? I have tried to maintain the children seeing their grandmother as mine and hers lack of relationship is not their fault, however I am completely estranged from her apart from via email. She doesnt live in this country, she lives elsewhere in the EU, so would going to court for visitation rights work in her favour? My husband and I don't want her seeing the children anymore, due to the amount of abuse I receive from her and the lack of trust in knowing where our children are; and her going against our wishes.

Help!

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lorelairoryemily · 24/01/2018 14:29

Grandparents don't have any legal rights to access. Don't worry about her. I'm nc with my father and very low contact with my mother. They live nearby, my father has not seen my ds since I decided I didn't want him to, he's not happy about it but there's nothing he can do and I allow my mother to see him in our house but not unsupervised

InDubiousBattle · 24/01/2018 14:33

Grandparents have no rights to see their grandchildren however I think that they can apply to court for a contact order(check this , I could be wrong). I very much doubt you would ever need to worry about it. If you don't want your mother to have access to your children then simply say no and don't let her see your kids. If she starts to harass you or send you threatening e mails then she is commiting a offence herself. Keep the emails.

user1493413286 · 24/01/2018 14:36

They have no legal rights. They can apply to the court for contact but it’s very rare to be granted and is normally when they have been the children’s primary care giver at some point.

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Notasperfectasallothermners · 24/01/2018 14:38

Tell her to fuck off..
Simple.

mindutopia · 24/01/2018 14:38

Grandparents in the UK, thank god, have no rights to see their grandchildren. We have banned my MIL and her partner from having any contact at all with our children - either physical, face to face contact, phone calls, letters, presents, etc. - due to risk of abuse (one of them has been convicted and served time in prison for abusing another child in the family). They have no rights and no way to make a claim to rights, which I'm incredibly grateful for. So it's your choice. You don't want her around, then she can't force it. You may need to be very assertive and direct about it. Put it in writing and be very specific about what levels of contact are or are not acceptable (and that may be none at all).

wheresthel1ght · 24/01/2018 14:40

As above they have no rights.

The contact order mentioned is only ever granted IF the grandparents have provided a long term and key part in the children's lives up to that point ie daily childcare from being babies.

Don't worry, tell her to get lost and that she only has herself to blame and then block number and emails

Caselgarcia · 24/01/2018 14:41

She sounds very demanding, can't you give a nice vague reply of 'sorry the boys are busy with activities that weekend but you are welcome to pop round for tea and cake'

3Blues · 24/01/2018 14:41

This is reassuring. It is not as a punishment that I want to cease all contact, I simply do not trust her and don't believe it is in the children's best interests to see her. It's just so frustrating!

OP posts:
3Blues · 24/01/2018 14:43

Caselgarcia, I gave the response "they are busy that weekend" to then receive the response "doing what? You are the worst person..." blag blah blah

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welshmist · 24/01/2018 14:46

Banned my Mother from seeing the children, I can tell you she would have moved heaven and earth legally to see them just spite me if she had found a leg to stand on. We just have to endure the mail and phone calls, now thankfully blocked by Sky.

TellerTuesday4EVA · 24/01/2018 14:57

We had a situation in our family, I can't say too much without it being outing but my family members DH was out of the picture, his parents took family member to court for access to their grandchildren. It dragged on for months, they were granted visiting rights but only with the kids mother (family member) present. This was supposed to be once a fortnight in a local soft play centre, I think they went twice. They did it purely to spite family member & probably cost themselves a shit load of money in the process - idiots!!

Caselgarcia · 24/01/2018 15:00

You hold all the cards here, it's her that wants to see the boys and she has no rights to see them. If she can't accommodate your wishes and gets nasty just say I'm sorry you feel that way, maybe come over for tea next time you are in the UK. Don't feel guilty, you are not stopping contact, but are offering it on YOUR terms

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