Help on how 2 tackle this!

[billie2004]

Hi all apologies 4 the long update. I recently split from my H in nov 17 & I’m currently living at my parents with my sons 13 & 10 while my house gets done. My H still runs & lives in our business/flat while the shop sale goes through. So far my H has been a ass in selling up he’s constantly playing mind games with me & my family. My family & myself have been very nice 2 him as it’s impairment he agrees 2 sell ( the money tired up in the shop is my boys future £££)
My family have offered him a rent free flat & £££ but he’s not having it. Instead as a gud parent I never talk about him infront of the boys (like mouthing him of) nor does my family our interests r the boys first. But my youngest 10yr he’s very close 2 his dad and I feel at times he is his dads spy? I’ve caught him taking pics of my things like my wallet with cash in 2 his dad. I do regularly check my son phone as my H always Whatsapp them both sometimes it heart breaking what my son says about me or does. I’m scared of comforting him as I don’t wanna push him we’re he totally doesn’t share anything with me. I still make sure they c there dad at the weekend although he’s constantly working in the business but I could of stopped that if I wanted to. I feel so overwhelmed with everything that’s been happening it’s like a never ending story. My main concern is my boys I don’t want them messed up in all this??

You need to see a solicitor about forcing the sale.

Don’t leave any paperwork around, lock it all away and don’t discuss anything in front of the kids.

Talk to your child about the split, how much you both love him and how you don’t want him to be in a difficult position and what will happen in the future eg we will be moving to x house and you can help decorate your new bedroom and although Mum and Dad don’t live together you will still see us lots and get lots of quality time with us both.

Next time you catch your child taking photos asking him why he is doing it, talk to him about privacy etc. Then speak to your Ex about the very difficult situation he is putting your child under and the effect of the pressure. If your child does not admit why he is doing it then still speak to your ex but don’t blame him directly and say your child must have misunderstood but still emphasis the pressure is under and how your child misunderstands and you both need to be careful to give the same message And not put the child under pressure.

Thank u chaosofcalm for your reply I have tired many times talking to my H is paranoid that myself and my family r trying to make him homeless & penniless and that is what he keeps telling my boys. We’re do I go from that? My boys know that we aren’t trying 2 do that but doesn’t help when he plays the sympathy on my boys telling them they are all he has and for support!

Stupid man. Unfortunately you can’t change his behaviour.

Just keep saying to the kids when ex sells our house and we share the money we can move into our new Home or do you whatever. Just keep plugging away at the kids about how the money is to be shared.

I would also speak to your kids school about what is happening and see if they can get anyone they can talk too