Dd very unhappy at dad's

[colouringinagain]

Hi there. I'm recently separated from the kids (dd13 and ds10) dad. Now he's got a place to live locally (was living with brother) the kids are staying with him one day and night every weekend (and in week)

A couple of weekends ago I got a video call from my dd at dad's, who looked very sad and pale. She said dad had spent half the time doing stuff on the computer with ds leaving her to occupy herself. I encouraged her to speak with dad, which she did. I also had a quick word and he said he realised he need to be more equal with his time etc.

So kids over at his Sunday, dd didn't sleep much, texted me Sunday to say dad and ds were doing k'nex together she was left out. She said she couldn't talk to dad again. I had a vv sad dd come home, "I just had to go and do some colouring" she was hurt.

Clearly dad finds it easier to play with ds. But I am really annoyed with him and sad on her behalf. She doesn't want to go next weekend.

Do I have another word with him about leaving dd out again?

Do I make her go?

Dd has always been closer to me, but loves her dad loads and misses him a lot now he's not living at home.

She has been very upset at school today, going to matron, missing some lessons and sending me lots of messages.

I'd really appreciate any advice around this - totally new territory for me... Thanks.

Bump

Aww I'm sorry your DAD is being left out. I would deffo talk to your ex about how she is feeling and maybe suggest some things they could do together? Maybe 1 day could be dedicated to DS activities and another on DD?

I'd also let DD chose if she wants to go and give her the option to come home if she's feeling left out. Perhaps even suggest an evening after school just 1:1 with DD and ez. Could he take just her out to dinner?

Best of luck

Thanks. For a smart guy he can be really stupid and insensitive .

She's due round there tomorrow as I'm out, so I will have to say he needs to put the focus on her...

At 13 your DD is too young to be making adult decisions about contact.

Dad needs to make the effort with her.

How often is she contacting you on contact. Could you lessen this so she focusses on contact with the dad.

It’s early days still so I think it’s important she does go as if she isn’t in the habit it could really effect her relationship with her dad in the long term.
What do you do at weekends with her? Could you suggest those? Could she suggest them to her dad?
Also does she have enough of her own things at his place to make it feel like home?
I don’t think children can expect constant amusement at either parents house but obviously it’s not fair that her dad and brother are just doing things together.

Thanks guys. I do try not to be contact too much cos like you say, she needs to get stuck in and build that relationship.

Dad def does need to make more of an effort though. I'm unimpressed with him that I have to suggest stuff, but I will of course cos she's more important...

It's got more complicated last 24 hours last night dd told me she's having suicidal thoughts. All v complicated. Dad has major mental illness though well at moment and doc today suggested that her experience with him in the past has probably playing a part....