Would 3 be very much harder than 2?

[handlemecarefully]

I have a just turned 2 year old and a 15 week old baby (21 months between them) and I am finding the juggling 2 little ones thing quite tough going (although we do have good days). I particularly regret that I can't spend the quality time with my eldest that I used to....(although she doesn't appear to mind all that much)

Anyway I quite like the idea of a bigger family...(tempted to go for 3 in total with again a gap of 21 months between child 2 and 3) but I don't want my heart to rule my head. The wife of my husband's friend, (mother of 4 boys) said to my dh that sometimes the third and fourth etc are no harder than having two. I asked dh to expand on what she said, but being a man he is useless and said he hadn't asked her why this is...!!!

For those of you with more than 2 kids - particularly those with small age gaps, did child 3 / 4 etc make family life harder to manage / easier to manage (well you never know!), or no real difference?

Hi there,

There's a discussion running on Going back to work/childcare: Calling all mums of 3 or more (or something like that - sorry, can't do links yet), which you might find interesting.

Good luck

HMC are you thinking of starting again soon?! that's quick.

I also thought that 3 wouldn't be much different and I still think in the longer run it won't be, but til now, yes,
I am finding 3 much harder. I feel sad the last year has been a lot tougher (cos I find pregnancy so tiring) than if we hadn't had a third. Not that I regret dd3 at all, I definitely wanted a 3rd, and love having 3 as a longer term goal, but yes it's harder work. and I can't see it diminishing in the near future (dd3 as you know is 3 months now). I have definitely spent a lot less quality time with my 2 year old lately and regret that. but am hoping it will even out, as the baby gets a bit bigger and spends less time feeding etc.

ps like you my dd1 and dd2 don't seem to mind the relative neglect and do love their baby sister lots. dd2 in particular adores being a big sister. she's a bossy sort so I think she'll appreciate having a little one to boss for many years

I found going from 2 to 3 the hardest actually. Everything seemed to take so much more planning,noise levels increase, laundry, food bills,squeezing car seater into the back of a 5 seater isn't great either. Having the fourth just intensified it all. We have to have a minimum 6 seater car now, and it's not too good at taking luggage for that amount, esp now ds2 has a wheelchair to fit in, so things tend to be stowed under feet, between chairs etc. Going out gets v expensive too. I have gaps of 4y8m, 23m, 27m between mine.

I found going from 1-2 absolute hell TBH. I just felt so suddenly overwhelmed by everything, and couldn't find time to do anything properly.
Personally the move from 2-3 was soooo much easier, as i expected it to be hard and so was quite pleasantly surprised when Ds just sort of slotted into the family without much effort.

This is the question that is going round and round in my head 90% of the time at the moment - so thanks for asking it, handlemecarefully. We have a four year old and a two year old and are so close to going for a third. The only thing that's stopping us is that really everything is pretty perfect at the moment and the kids are at that stage where you feel life is easy again.

Both dh and I love the thought of having a larger family but the thought of being pregnant, dealing with a baby again and the chaos of squeezing three kids into a small house is pretty daunting. Then there's the money ... On the other hand I can't bear the thought that this is it and we can all settle down and be comfortable as four - it feels a bit mundane.

I think we're going to go for it ... but could still be swayed. Please tell it as it is everyone with three or more.

I'm 90% certain that we are sticking with 2 but keep feeling tempted. My biggest concern is fitting everyone in a car if we had 3.

Thanks wifeof - I've read the other discussion under going back to work and it was very relevent....and its helped me make a decision.

Fennel - if I was going to go for a 21 month age gap again I would have to conceive when ds is 12 months old in 8 months time...so no was not thinking of it imminently, but its not that far away.

After a lot of reflection and reading wifeofs' thread about others mums experiences, I have finally (and a little sadly) decided to settle at two kids. I think you have to be a certain personality type to be able to handle bigger families...i.e. you need to be flexible, relaxed and laid back and philosophical about the chaos that ensues. Unfortunately I am uptight, like order and control over my life, obsessive about cleaning and tidying and I am one of life's great worriers. I do enjoy my two but I can't do the 'ingnoring the dishes in the corner' thing... I have to clean the house up so that it looks like a show home after the kids have gone to bed (started at 20.00 tonight and finished by 22.10)...and I find it all really exhausting. The thoughts of extending this drudgery still further by throwing another child or two into the mix is enough to have me teetering at the edges of insanity. At least I will be getting some order back in my life by two or three years from hence it I stop at two (like Sari says, things have got easier now that her youngest is two and her oldest four)

I posted on the other thread about this. Really I found no difference going from 2 to 3. When I became pregnant with no.4 life had become easier. They could get themselves up at the week-end, I could garden in peace, and we could go out at night, but that is a thing of the past. And I don't miss it at all. Because I will garden again, and lie in, and go to movies and restaurants.
Nothing replaces having ds3 and ds4. Sure it's hard going sometimes, but mostly it's fun, and they are all so great together and occupy each other. Really, the first 2 children were the hardest because after that they amused one another, ds1 was 3 and dd was 1 when ds3 was born.
Of course they often fight, and argue and it ends in tears,and someone gets sent to their room and you feel like you're the mother on Malcolm in the Middle.
Luckily I am not obsessive about a tidy house, because with 7 of us it is just not achievable. HTH.

Cannot sleep. Haven't read any of the other posts.

Would LOVE to have child no.3 but due to age (39) and finances am not brave enough.

When ds2 was born, I had 3 children under 4 and a half. 1-2 was the hardest (apart from having munber 1 when every one thinks OMG!!!), learning how to cope with 2 different routines. TBH 2-3 was a lot easier and ds2 just kind of 'fitted in'. Yes the work load is harder and yes there is less time to spend with the others, but it was still the easiest transition. DS2 is now 24 weeks old and I would love a 4th.........

I've found going from two to three the hardest, they're 5, 3 and 8 months now with age gaps of 19 months and 2.5 years. Having two is reasonably ordered, but it seems that when no.3 arrived it all became more chaotic and everything is a lot more difficult to do. Little things like picking dd1 up from school become so difficult when the other two are awake in the car - do I get them out (tons of hassle and the chance of dd2 running out into the road) or leave them in (ds will probably cry), someone always seems to be poorly, and chances are someone will be crying for mummy. I don't really go anywhere with all of them, dd1 (country girl and totally oblivious to the dangers of the city) just runs of and I can't possbily run after her when I also have dd2 and ds there, it's a total nightmare. I've lost her in a big bookshop before because some bloke was taking up so much space that I couldn't get past with the double pushchair.
Bedtime is also a logistical nightmare, dh works away during the week so it's just me and three cranky children.
People say it does get better and really nice when they're a bit older.....

I hvae found pregnancy (moody cow) with 2 much harder than 2+baby, too.

HMC - I feel the same way as you I think - we always wanted 3 or 4, but have also decided to stick to 2, and I often get really sad twinges about this... But I'm also a neat tidy person (or try my best to be) and am constantly tidying toys away and trying to get the house to be 'normal' - virtually impossible with 2 now, just in terms of energy levels - so I can't imagine having the energy with 3, and it depresses me when things start to slide into chaos, so it's probably best to quit while we're just about managing, and enjoy things as they get older. Still doesn't stop me feeling sad as ds2 gets older and bigger and the little baby phase starts to disappear - I love this stage..!

HMC do you have to decide quite yet? after my second I said we'd leave the decision til she was two, and then either go for it or forget it. but actually I knew all along I wanted another.

I am not too obsessive about cleaning but do find the mess made by 3 (and a messy DP) pretty overwhelming. It's endless clutter everywhere.

Reading threads like this and asking people, it seems you get a pretty even split of people who found the first, second or third baby the hardest experience. there's no one consistent answer.

bump

25 and 26 months inbetween my 3...3 not much different to 2 to be honest, cos I'm used to having v little time to myself. Guilt at children not getting lots of quality time allayed by knowledge that they're bonding and doing lovely sibling stuff (fighting, mainly). I quite fancy four actually, then they can all go off playing and I can spend my whole life on mumsnet

As a mother of 4, the hardest thing about having 3 was, IMO, the problem that you no longer had a hand/arm/half a lap for each child. Also, with 3, it is no longer possible for you to have one and dh to have the other. I noticed that problem quite strongly almost straight away. However, having said that, you are quite an old hand by the time you have three so you can probably deal with these juggling problems much more easily than a new mother.

Sorry, didn't mention the age gaps:
between 1 and 2 = 18 months (very easy to handle the increase as No 2 is very easy child. The two are inseparable)
between 2 and 3 = 25 months ( harder because No 2 was jealous of not being youngest anymore)
between 3 and 4 = nearly three years (no problem at all. He is another placid child and the other three all adore him)
This might suggest you could do with a larger gap between your second and third, but it is different with everyone.