Leaving 4 week old to cry

[Oysterbabe]

I have a 2 year old (25 months) and 4 week old. 3 or 4 days a week I'm on my own with them all day and I'm really struggling to give them both enough attention. 4 week old would love to just feed and snooze on my chest all day, which is obviously impossible, but I feel bad because my first child did exactly that. I've just put the 2 year old down for her nap, which takes about 10 minutes. Unfortunately I need to stay with her and pat her back for her to go to sleep. The whole time I could hear the baby screaming his head off and I feel awful, first child was never left to cry. Please tell me that I'm not damaging him forever? I don't see what else I can do, toddler needs to nap and she needs quiet time with me to settle her down. Also often when I'm feeding the baby the toddler will ask me to play and just looks really sad when I tell her I'll play after I've fed the baby. My husband has only just gone back to work after paternity leave I just feel like I'm doing a terrible job and neglecting them both.

I had this age gap. DC2 had to fit in around DC1. So while I didn't actively leave baby to cry, if they started to cry whilst I was busy doing something that could not wait (like not burning DC1 lunch) they would have to wait a minute. Napwise though I also had a non self settling toddler so I just put them both in the pram after lunch every day and we went out for a walk where they both got a good nap

Seriously people with more than one child don’t let one of them cry ever? I have a 2.5 year old and a 3 month old. And lots of my friends have a similar age gap. I’m lucky in that my baby is very content and doesn’t cry much, but sometimes she has to cry if I’m dealing with her brother. That’s just the way it is. And if I’m at my friends house and they’re dealing with the toddler and the baby starts crying then naturally we help each other out and pick up the baby, but I assume, same as me, if there’s no one there then they have to just cry for a bit until mum is ready.

OP I would do your best obv to time things so that the baby is sorted, but a few min crying won’t hurt them. It’s just the way it goes I’m afraid when you’re the second child

I have exactly the same age gap between dc1 and 2 as you. Dc2 pretty much lived in a wrap (Didymous - a really long length of woven material) on my chest and dc1 and I continued as we had when I was pregnant.

I realise slings are a stock answer but that really is what worked for us. Dc1 stopped napping at 18 months, when I was about 12 weeks pregnant with dc2 though...

I did used to be able to carry my 2 year old on my hip with the baby in the wrap - but I also used to be able to carry one in each arm until they were 4 and 2 - was ten years younger, I don't think I could now, so it may or may not be possible for you with the right sling and a bit of practice.

Sometimes you have to prioritise your older child.. things happen. Especially once at the potty training stage! You can't leave a child wet or dirty, but other times too like bed time, cooking etc. A sling helps, but the baby will never remember it. My baby cried a lot. Some do..dont let people make you feel bad about it.

At this stage we all used to nap - my bed, feeding baby and patting toddlers back until asleep then I slept too, everything else could wait.

Mm, when I said earlier that dc2 lived in a sling for the first six months of his life, I mean that he was in a wrap for the first three months. Wraps feel more secure when they're tiny, and are easier to breastfeed in. After that, it was a ring sling, but other people prefer other types. Most people prefer a wrap for very small babies.

I have twins andsadly there have been many times one has had to cry while I dealt with the other (or while pumping, which I did for 7 months like a crazy person).

They are 16 months now and I'm finally at the stage where I can put them in their cot, give them a drink, turn on the projector and they'll have a nap. Maybe try and find something similar that could work for your 2yo?

Also, I had rockaroos for the twins and they were absolute lifesavers - worth considering for the baby.

"Leave a four week old to cry. .. are you okay? "

This is a valid question. The op is clearly very uncomfortable about doing this. As parents, our instincts are against leaving very small babies to cry, and it hurts us to do it.

Also, one of my twins was in nicu for 2 months, while the other was at home. The one in hospital spent much of his time without me there, I'm sure there were many times he cried and the nurses couldn't immediately get to him. This breaks my heart to think about but he seems absolutely fine and is now just as affectionate as his brother and even smilier :) I'm sure a few minutes won't hurt, but a wrap is a good idea.

Wraps can be hard to get the hang of, but it soon becomes very quick and easy. I ended up wearing mine all the time at home, so could always pop baby in and out. YouTube has some great tutorials. If I can do it, anyone can do it (I have dyspraxia and couldn't even tie shoelaces until I was nine ).

lules
you sound an excellent mum to me

I have four DCs,
Gaps are 14 months, 2.9years and 2 years....
Never ever needed to leave a four week old to cry.

Asking if the OP is okay is valid, it's not necessary to leave a baby to cry, I was wondering if she was overwhelmed or depressed.

You get the toddler into a routine and work around the baby, simple really.