HV advised me yo leave toddler alone?

[lizzlebizzle33]

Hello
After speaking with my HV about the trouble I am having trying to get my 2 months old to nap while I have an almost 2 year old tearing around the house waking him up with screaming tantrums, she advised me to leave him alone downstairs while I take baby up to his cot to settle him??
I'm a little unsure on this advice, what do you all think?

Is downstairs baby proofed?
We baby proofed our living room to the extreme so I did leave my two year old to play while I settled the baby.

For at least the first 6 months your baby should be sleeping in the same room as you.

Take them both out for a walk. Let the 2 year old run off some energy while the baby gets rocked gently to sleep.

How long does it take you to settle the little one? If you put him down awake it would only be a minute or two surely.

If you have babyproofed and are within hearing distance of him then yes that should be okay. Dont feel pressured into doing things you arent comfortable with however, dont do it if you really dont want to. It is perfectly valid advice from the HV though. As long as the 2 year old is in a safe environment leaving him alone for ten mins is not going to harm him.

Of course you can leave your toddler aging quietly to put the baby to bed. I had a 19 month age gap and routinely left my toddler to put the baby to bed and or to go to the loo

It's pretty safe, he can't get in the kitchen or climb the stairs, if i put something on telly for him he will usually sit glued to it.
Baby obviously is in our room so sleeps with us at night times, do you think he should be in the same room as me for naps too?
It can take ten or more minutes to settle him sometimes, he will cry and I'll have to go back and shush him or pick him up and rock him again.

That's not advising you to leave him alone, it's advising you that he doesn't have to be in the same room that you are putting your baby to bed in.

What do you do when you go to the toilet or shower or change your baby's nappy?

It's a good idea to have two year old safe rooms in the house.

It's a compromise once you have more than one under 3 or so - either the baby doesn't do structured cot naps but naps as and when in a sling or pram or on you, or just happens to drop off as and when and be put down in a travel cot in the living room, or you baby/ toddler proof a room with toys for the toddler and possibly put cbeebies on while you go and settle your baby in a cot.

You can't do a settling to sleep routine with dimmed light and white noise and pat shhh or something, with a toddler wide awake in the room, you have to compromise and wing it a bit.

Justmuddling what kind of magic babies have you had that only take a minute or two to settle! ( envy)

Will baby sleep in a sling while you carry on around the house with toddler? I know that is a vv mn response.

I have left my two year old watching telly while I hey on with something in another room, but I know her and trust that she will stay glued to it...

Only you know your kid and how 'adventurous' he is and whether you are happy to leave him out of sight for a bit.

Really the baby should be napping in the same room as you to protect against SIDS.

Is there somewhere downstairs for the baby to sleep? Pram or baby swing?

I do leave my 3yo watching TV while I sort the baby out or cook dinner though.

you dont have to have your baby napping in the same room as you as long as you are regularly checking them. I presume you wouldnt just sit staring at the baby the entire time it naps even if it were in the same room as you so i really dont see how there is any extra risk of sids if you are checking up on them in a different room regularly.
Its not always easy to get a baby to sleep thru the noise of a toddler in the same room.

Yes we have a travel cot set up in the living room which I do currently try and put him down for naps in but he often gets woken up within ten minutes, this is why she suggested to take him upstairs to his cot.
I am happy to let him sleep on me or in the sling but she said i should be getting him used to going in his bed in the day.
Just s little unsure on what to do, and now I don't know wether it's ok even to leave baby napping upstairs while I'm downstairs 😩

I'm not sure sleeping in a baby swing is better than in a cot in a different room...

My dc2 mostly lived in a sling until about 5 months old, but I'd put him down in the travel cot in the living room once asleep. He was a good sleeper and stayed asleep then through any toddler and household noises. Dc3 would wake up once put down in that situation (change of temperature or whatever) so slept better in a pram. You just have to see what works.

@bumpertobumper no magic was involved . Eldest would never settle without being rocked and shushed to sleep. With DS2 and DS3 I never had that time or luxury, so at nap or bed time, from the get go they were changed, fed, burped and settled. 2 minutes and they were sleeping.

Hey, I leave my son who is 2 and 9 months by himself to settle the baby. I put TV on just as I go upstairs and he is glued to it. It takes me about 5-10 mins.

They should be napping in the same room as you until 6 months. AFAIK its so that they don't fall into too deep a sleep if they are left alone in a quiet room and then they can forget to breathe. (or something like that I can't remember the exact explanation)
Would baby sleep in a sling or in their pram? But yes once baby was 6 months + I left his brother watching tv while I got him to sleep, as long as its childproofed I'm sure he would be ok.

you dont have to have your baby napping in the same room as you as long as you are regularly checking them. I presume you wouldnt just sit staring at the baby the entire time it naps even if it were in the same room as you so i really dont see how there is any extra risk of sids if you are checking up on them in a different room regularly.

The guidance is because babies can forget to breathe while sleeping - especially in their first 3 months. Hearing an adult breathing in the room reminds them to! No amount of checking or fancy monitors cuts the risk.

I'd ignore the HV and keep baby napping in the sling/on you/in the pram at that age. No way should she be recommending you leave a 2 month old to sleep alone upstairs in a cot! Which you would have to do because you can't leave your 2 year old downstairs for the whole of the nap.

Im really shocked she said that!

I doesn't really sit well with me either to be honest, I'm not happy leaving either of them alone. Even though I'm sure my 2 year old would be fine for 5 mins and 90% sure baby would be OK for a nap upstairs, I just don't feel comfortable with either.

Baby in the pram pushed outside in the back garden while toddler watches TV? Bring pram in when asleep!!

I had a 21mo gap and naps aren't always easy to manage but definitely go with your gut on this one!

Now my younger one has just turned 1, my DD will sit on her bed with a bit of CBeebies on the iPad whilst I settle DS for his morning nap (fed to sleep and cosleeps) but I keep the door open a bit so I can keep an eye. In the early days it was DS in the sling/fed on me or we were out in the car/pram. I wouldn't have left either of them on their own for any length of time.

If the 'sleep in the same room' guidance for naps is so they can hear their parents, then I'm guessing that household noise, radio, TV or conversations should also be banned, as they would impede the ability to hear.

As with lots of SIDS advice, they don't know exactly how it works (as you can't experiment with babies) but they can advise that babies are more likely to die if they sleep in a room alone.

Of course it's fine to leave a toddler to potter by themselves when you sort out a baby! I had 17mths between mine and i have no idea what I'd have done if I supervised them both all the the time 😂

Have a couple of safe rooms - bedroom is a good one and chuck them in there. Stair gate over their door works a treat, that way you can hear them.

I used to let my toddler have after lunch telly while I settled baby for a nap, then we'd do the washing up and some crafts. That was once we were down to one nap, so old enough to remember to breathe. The then toddler is 6 and still remembers having mummy to herself in the afternoon. If ds so much as coughs she suggests I send him for a nap! I knew she'd watch telly at that point, anything complicated like doing stuff, shed be shouting upstairs. 15 minutes on a bad day, 7 on a good day to settle baby.