Exhausted, please don't judge...

[cds5163]

Has anyone slept while their baby is awake? Would that be wrong? I miss nap time with him during the day because I exclusively pump for him and by the time in done he's up. I try not to pump when he's awake because its hard to control him and try to play with him. I've fallen asleep on him accidentally and I woke up and he ended up falling asleep himself. I felt really bad about it but he was fine. He kind of a random napper and he sleeps how ever long he wants to. I'm just so exhausted and don't have energy. There must be something I can do, I feel like this is my last resort.

If you can afford it then I recommend hiring a hospital strength breast pump. It cost me £47 a month so not cheap but was amazing, pumping was done in just 10 minutes. Maybe you could do this for the next 2 months and then he’ll start having less milk because you’ll be weaning him

Thanks for the replies everyone. I've just moved to va in August so I don't know anyone in the area and I'm very far from family. My son also refuses frozen breastmilk, it just doesn't taste the same, so he doesn't want it. I will try out the hospital grade pump too.

Def try nipple shields and hiring a hospital grade pump

Oh and get some family to come and stay with you for a bit give you a proper break. 4-6 months is the worst for exhaustion

It sounds like you need some support OP, with regard to feeding your baby and in general. I understand it's hard if you are on your own with no family around but you do have a health visitor if you are in the UK. Ifind you don't know who it is, have a look in the baby's red book, there will be a phone number.

You can't leave the baby unsupervised while you sleep. Lots of people can't nap when the baby does, for many reasons, including having another child to look after

Thanks for the replies. Everyone in our family works and have children of their own, but we'll be ok. I live in the states, so I don't have a health visitor, I don't know what that is.

I guess I'll just break up the time, 30 minutes let him watch tv, another 30 let him sit in the chair, I still feel like thats too long but its probably better than sleeping when he's up

But what would he be doing if you were asleep and he was up?

Are you pumping for a whole hour? It's just that seems a very long time. When I was pumping, I was advised no more that 15-20 minutes each side every 4 hours. Would breaking down into smaller chunks of time like that help? Good luck though, expressing is exhausting x

I didn't really think it through, I was going to put him in his crib with his mobile, it takes me about an hour to express 4 to 5 ounces from each breast

I feel sorry for you but if you can't pump because you can't leave him alone then absolutely don't leave him alone whilst you sleep.

Can you gradually switch him to formula by mixing more and more in gradually to get him used to the taste?

You’ve done so well to get this far. He’s nearly 6 months so you will introduce solids soon anyway.

Can you gradually switch him to formula by mixing more and more in gradually to get him used to the taste?

You’ve done so well to get this far. He’s nearly 6 months so you will introduce solids soon anyway.

I exclusively express too so I do understand your routine and difficulty in reintroducing breastfeeding. How frequently do you pump?

Refusing frozen milk may be due to high lipase content which changes the taste but this can be overcome by scalding the milk before freezing.

I found a hired hospital grade pump was twice as fast as the best consumer device, with the added advantage that it made double pumping more efficient - so I could get more in 15 mins than I could get in 30 mins with my regular pump. If DD is awake while I’m pumping, I’ll put her on the playmat or bouncer chair and talk/sing to her even if I can’t physically interact with her.

I have also introduced formula by mixing it with breast milk in increasing proportions so she gets used to it. I see this as a back up as I want to continue giving her breast milk for as long as possible.

Prioritise sleeping when baby naps as you do sound exhausted so hopefully some of the ideas will help you shift things around to allow that to happen.

If you're going to continue pumping you definitely need a better pump, there's no way it should be taking an hour, more like 10 mins. You can hire the Medela Symphony double pump through their website. I'd also seriously think about giving it up and switching to formula. He will take it if you persist. You've done enough, you need to give yourself a break. You have my sympathy as I know how hard pumping is. You won't realise until you stop just what hell you are putting yourself through.

You can pump while he's in his crib with his mobile for 10 minute sessions. If he cries, it's not ideal but he'll be ok and you'll be ok. Give him a hug and then back to the pump for 10 mins.
Second the suggestion for nipple shields, my baby couldn't latch until we got some. Game changer for us.

Bless you OP, I just wanted to share some empathy with you as although I live in the U.K. I have a pretty similar set up to you- I have no family nearby, my son is now 3 months old and I exclusively pump too as he never latched properly. I don't think people can appreciate just how exhausting it is as the feeding process takes twice as long when you're having to pump as well as bottle feed. Like you I have to do both separately and some days I fall asleep in the middle of the afternoon as I'm just so utterly exhausted. Firstly you're doing an amazing job and are not a terrible mother at all. You're going above and beyond to give your baby breastmilk and for that alone you deserve a medal. I notice others have mentioned switching out to formula, is this what you want to do? (I only ask as you've said he rejects formula and nowhere have you said that this is what you want to do? I guess all I'd say is there's absolutely no shame in doing that IF that's your choice and what you want. I had many people including my health visitor tell me to switch but in my heart of hearts I know I'm not ready to consider that yet, maybe one day but not now). You can try the nipple shields, unfortunately for us they didn't make a difference. As others have said maybe ask about tongue tie (my son doesn't have it, the theory is that he refused to latch as he was a forceps delivery and they can have bruised facial nerves as a result that make it very painful for them to latch).

I don't know if they have this in the US but my saving grace has been La Leche League (LLL), they're a breastfeeding organisation who offer advice and support for mums who are struggling. They definitely have a website with info on so maybe google them and then if they run support groups you could go along? Thanks to input from them my son latched for the first time 2 weeks ago- don't get me wrong, I'm still having to pump every day and for every one good latch he does 30 bad ones but we are slowly making progress. Before that he would just scream when I tried to put him to the breast so I do feel we may one day get there and I can finally stop being a slave to the pump! LLL might even be able to advise you whether they know of a similar organisation your way if they don't cover your area?

Ooo and just to second what someone else has said- more pumps but less time will build your supply and might also solve some of your problems with entertaining bubba whilst you do so? I was advised to do at least 8 pumps a day even if just for 20 mins. I have a Medela Maxi Swing and that's been a game changer for me as it's a double pump so takes me half the time to express a feed. Best of luck OP x

OP that sounds like such a lot of work I pumped for 2 weeks and gave up because it was too much for me I couldn't imagine doing it for montha. I would be worried about what happens when he's mobile if your still doing the pumping.

You definitely need a better pump
How many ch sleep are you getting at night?

You have my sympathies, darling. I recommend hiring a hospital grade pump, the Medela symphony. £47 a month. My doc recommended it. V efficient. Likely to save you a lot of time.

Also have you considered getting baby a Jumperoo or Skip Hop Play for dome additional hands free time for you?

Hope you get some sleep soon.

cds I live in the US and have had three babies here in the past six years. Pump wise the medela symphony ones are hospital grade and covered by your insurance if you have a script from a doctor (can be your sons paed too which means no copay for their next check up!). I rented one from the pharmacy and it was fully covered by insurance because my lactation consultant told them that the pump was defective (it wasn't but the flanges for the spectra were just never right size for me) I'm in North Jersey and our mothers group is always helping each other out with breast pumps. Spectra has an excellent hospital grade pump but there aren't many rentals of those and my boobs were between sizes for the flanges so couldn't get an efficient pump.

Also, our local catholic hospitals which are non-profit, will lend pumps out for free. Walmart do a great ship to store for all parts and I found them the cheapest.

The pump bra never worked well for me. I used an old sports bra and cut two holes in the front. It had a zip at the front so very easy to get on and off. I sat in the glider pumping while baby slept and fell asleep all the time.

I'm assuming your current pump was obtained from your insurance. If it wasn't you don't need a script for a second to be covered by insurance.

Hi Thank you all so much for the replies. I will most definitely try scalding my milk before freezing it when I start freezing again. Right now I just don't have any to waste. My goal is to pump 5 times a day, if I have the time but I pump 3 or 4 times a day. My son had streaks of blood in his stool from trying to give him formula, so it's not a route I want to go down at the moment. I just don't want him to be hungry and frustrated. I got my pump through insurance but I've used it everyday for four months now and its wearing out, sometimes it doesn't even turn off until I unplug it but I'm going to check if my insurance will cover a rental. I will also make a pumping schedule, I just want enough energy to enjoy my baby and not take time away from him pumping. I get maybe 3 hours or sleep at night and about 3 hours of sleep napping during the day, my baby is just so unpredictable.I try to make his bed time at 10 but depending on if his father naps him before than he can be back up at 12 until about 3 and then I have to get back up soon after to pump. I have also looked at jumperoos I will get him one when I get out this weekend.

I had a similar situation - a non- latching baby who rejected frozen milk (apparently some women produce an enzyme that makes frozen milk taste bitter). I pumped and it also took quite a while but less than an hour. I had a baby Bjorn bouncy chair that I could rock with my foot to put her in while I pumped. Or I'd put her on her playmat. But often she would nap after a feed so I would express then. It did mean that I didn't get to nap and I was very tired. When my husband was around he took care of input while I dealt with output, which helped.

Fwiw I started mix feeding just before six months, in preparation of my return to work. We started with 90% expressed milk and 10% formula and gradually increased the formula over about three months until it was 100%. She didn't seem to notice.

Op l highly recommend the Gina Ford Contented baby, book for establishing a better routine, it was a lifesaver for my 1st and 2nd baby (16 months apart) I was overseas and my DH was working all over the place, l had no help or friends as we had recently moved.

It gently taught mine to sleep at night and have predictable naps throughout the day, 1st was sleeping 10.30pm till 5.30am by 4 and a half months, 2nd Dc was sleeping like that by 6 months.

I also pumped as l hated breastfeeding, l had an expensive pump and only pumped for 15 mins, 3 times a day to produce enough for a baby for 24 hours. You need a very good pump.

Good luck