Parents want to come and stay to help when baby is born but I don't ... am I being unreasonable?

[peggy0062]

My parents wants to fly in from overseas to stay with us for over a month when baby comes. I don't think I can handle living with them again. Last time my son was born they were here, although grateful for the cooking and cleaning my mum did, I found the whole experience unbearable. Had a bad time trying to breastfeed, not to mention that my parents disapproves of breastfeeding; and they gave me looks each time when I tried to breastfeed. I found they are unable to respect or treat me (or my husband to an extent) as a adult - to this day my mum still say 'good girl' to me e.g. when I bring her a cup of tea (I am over 30). I know my 2 year old is going to be very demanding when the little one comes and I have to do what's best for them. Do you have similar experience with interferring parents? What would you do?

Good point, mamma2kids! Finding someone to look after the kid(s) during labour is such a headache! I asked my health visitor for advice and guess what she suggested - that if I can't find anyone I'll have to have the baby in hospital BY MYSELF while husband look after my 2 year old!

I perfectly understand about not telling your MIL until the last minute. There aren't that many people I would be comfortable to have in the house when I go into labour! My MIL lives 2 hours drive away and they have to temporary close down business if they come down. I have yet to ask if they would.

Don't have the baby on your own Peggy, that would be horrible.

I have exactly the same situation Peggy. My folks live abroad and want to fly in. It would drive me spare and there simply isnt room. My mum will help for sure, but she is very opinionated and bossy! Fortunately my mum suggested herself what I had been agonising over how to say...the magic words b+b. I dont want to make it really expensive for them to see their grandchild but they would be difficult guests, pretty much needing constant entertainment/conversation.

I am still not sure how the b+b thing will work, will they still be up here all day/evening or will they pop up and down between me and the b+b....

Peggy I think you need to be firm on this one. It is a time that you will never get back with your new baby. I think the ideal solution would even be some sort of self catering apartment nearby for them.....cheaper maybe and easier for them to fix themselves lunch etc and give you a break. If youre in a city like me then thats probably not an option. Or do you have any friends that might be away at that time for a week or so and could possibly be begged/bribed to let you put your parents up at their house?

Either way, maybe you could look up some fun toddler type activities, national trust walks or whatever, for them to do with your 2 yr old some days, and just tell them, this is what youre doing wednesday, hope you enjoy it!

You must refuse them. Our parents were great - they took the lead from us. I didn't want them travelling to see the baby until we were established as a new family unit and bonded and they were content to respect that wish.

Just say NO.

And I wouldn't go with the hotel thing either - my inlaws stayed in a b&b and they arrived at our house before I'd had breakfast and stayed until after I went to bed - I didn't really notice that they weren't sleeping in our spare room!

Could you try "Mum, I love you, I'm so tired I can't think, please give me some space, we'll talk about a visit after the baby is born"? And then refuse to get drawn on any arrangements. Just repeat "we'll talk about that after the baby is here" - changing to "when I'm feeling better" after you've had the baby!

And set up a webcam so you can chat online with them, while holding the new baby, and they can see her/him when he/she is really tiny. But you can switch them off!