When you decided to have a second...

[jinglebells123]

...how on top of things were you with your first?

Our dd is 3 now but it’d still tough - she’s a superstar but very full on, talks constantly which is great but can be very tiring and makes it difficult to concentrate. She also isn’t always the easiest to get into bed and is up very early and will still come into our bed during the night at least once a week.

I sometimes think another might tip me over the edge - or so you just adjust to the new state of chaos?

Trying to decide if I want to sign up to another 3+ years of chaos!

I’m pregnant with 2nd - and it was about 3 months after dd started sleeping through the night consistently that I got pregnant. It’s going to be tough as I’ll only have a 2 year gap so 2 in nappies at the start.

DS was 2 when we decided the time was right to try for another. He was kind of getting out of that rampant chaotic stage. DD was born when he turned 3.

My daughters 13 month and I've just found out I'm pregnant with my second, she sleeps through but bedtime takes forever. I don't know how I'll cope I'm just hoping l will somehow x

DD was 3.5 when dd2 was born. DD2 is a very chilled baby and fits in really well. With DD1 at preschool 3 days a week I'm really enjoying my mat leave.

I have a 23 mths age gap between my first two, 21 mths between number 2 and number 3 then I’ve 4 years 3 mths between number 3 and number 4.

I was very busy with 3 under 3.5 years but didn’t find it particularly difficult while they were little. In fact I enjoyed their age gaps and even now I wouldn’t necessarily change them. But since having a bigger age gap between our 3rd and last, I absolutely love the 1:1 time and taking her to activities I couldn’t take all our boys together.

DS2 was 2.5 when DS1 was born. He was sleeping through but took hours to go down with one of us sitting in with him. He was not potty trained. DS2 came along and decided he would only sleep in my bed just as DS1 started getting up in the night again for a cuddle (prob as a result of DS2 arrival). Now my DH sleeps with DS1 and me with DS2. We just evolved. Meantime, DS1 potty trained virtually overnight and is the best big brother in the world. I think you just adapt and take the rough with the smooth. Also, there can be lots of regression with a sibling arrival so waiting until everything is perfect is not necessarily the best idea either. Good luck

Mine is 4 now and I'm due with our 2nd in the next few weeks. For us, we waited until we got pretty on top of everything before planning another. We always wanted a 3-4 year age gap (as it turns out, we'll have a 5 year one because I had a mc before this pregnancy). But definitely it's helped I think that our daughter is older and more independent now. She's in school (no nursery to pay for), goes to bed easily, sleeps through, can entertain herself, get herself drinks and snacks, will be able to help with the baby, etc. I do think it will make it easier. I know there is probably something to having them closer together so you just carry on with it being hard and never adjust to being out of the hard stage when the next one starts, but for us, I think it was definitely an advantage to have a life again for a bit and have things be pretty easy for about a year/year and a half before the new baby arrives. I really needed a break and to re-charge to be ready to do it again.

We have a 5.5 year gap between our DDs, partly because I couldn’t contemplate another until the first one was 3 and things seemed to get a bit easier. However, while it definitely helped make things easier in the beginning when DD2 was a baby, I’m sorry to say that now they’re 7 and 2 there’s always one kicking off about something, whether it be backchat from the older one or toddler tantrums from the younger. There have definitely been days where I wished we’d stuck with one, as my patience does not seem to stretch to two moaning and whining at me at the same time...

I'm exactly the same as @mindutopia in that I felt I needed a break and a bit of a life before Number 2. Baby due in June and DD will be 3 years 2 months. She is off to preschool a couple of months after baby arrives (and will continue with a childminder before then). She's an awesome little girl, sleeps amazingly (12-13 hours solid), and is a wonderful non-fussy eater. Our biggest challenge is now potty training and I want to get her daytime dry for preschool in September. I felt that 3 years gap was big enough for DD to be more independent but still small enough for them to play together when Number 2 is a bit older! Plus we won't be paying for 2 in childcare full time!

mindutopia - you’ve just perfectly described my thoughts on this! I needed a bit of a break and I’m still not 100% sure if I can go back to the chaos - I’m so used to having 1 and still find that tough so worry 2 would be too much but the the thought of giving dd a sibling makes me feel happy so going to give it a go - that’s if a) I can get pregnant as I tried for about 4/5 months last year with no luck and b) can stay pregnant as I’ve had 3 mcs in the past. I guess that will be the real decider!

4.75 yr gap between my dcs. Perfect: my mat leave line up with dc1 starting reception. It meant I formed good relationships with the other families, had plenty of 121 time with the baby but was at home to support dc1 settle.

Plus we could explain what was going on & prepare dc1 for the changes coming. Dc1 loves helping with 'our' baby.

There's no way we could have coped with a smaller age gap.

I have 3 with small age gaps.. I wanted all the chaos to happen at once rather than drag it out. It’s full on but wonderful