My grumpy baby

[KimchiLaLa]

I love DD, I really do. But I've had it.
She's only 3 months. But she's so grumpy. I can't do anything right. She is the only one who cries in classes, cries if she's tired, cries if she wakes up and finds that she's no longer in my arms - refuses to self-settle.
She's just not a chilled out baby at all.

I know she is so little but I just want her to not have to be held to sleep just once.
I also know it could be a lot worse but I suppose my tolerance is low. I feel like DH and I constantly tip toe around her, and that it's me.

If you miss her sleep window even by minutes she has a full scale meltdown.

She gets so much love and cuddles from grandparents and us but she's never happy. She only smiles in the morning, I suppose as that's when she's had her biggest stretch of sleep, or when she wakes after a nap and someone goes to get her after she has cried out.

I know she is likely overtired and I need to sort her nap times out but she wakes herself up (I swaddle, she kicks herself out of it), then I put her back down. Then she wakes up, etc. So by the time the day is over, she is tired as we've only managed to get about 3 hours in. But she does want the sleep.

I also know she is going through a "leap" so is pretty grumpy right now on top of her usual grumpiness!

I guess I just needed to vent.

Elphaba thanks so much for the routine suggestion. I came on today to post "how do I get my baby to nap by himself?". Though I don't really want him to nap by himself, I really want time to do bits and pieces when he's happy and entertaining himself which he does in the morning but no other time because he's slightly tired and slightly cranky. I will be printing out your routine and following it! Thanks so much . You're a

No worries Midnight. Hope it works for you

Thanks all, she has reflux but it's medicated, but actually she is 4 pounds heavier now than her original dosage so I'm going to get that reviewed!

She is fine being put in her basket, but only when 99% asleep. She used to go down slightly awake but it's like she knows now! She is also fine at my mum's house so I am lucky for that.

But she cries before each nap time and I think it's because she's so tired and doesn't know what to do with herself. This is whether I cuddle her to sleep down bang on time, early (so pick her up before fussing starts)

My first child was actually quite an easy baby but was / is very very hard work from age of 2. She's now 7..
My youngest was a nightmare baby. Clingy, never ever fucking slept, wailed. Could not be put down. A breeze from 2 and still is much happier child. Go easy on yourself

Dd was awful for the first 5 months I really was beginning to wonder what we had done having her! She cried and screamed and fought sleep constantly, everywhere we went she had a meltdown and she wouldn't be held by anyone else.

She's 6 months now and started sitting up on her own at 5 months and all of a sudden my happy smiley baby arrived she still has her moments of course but she is 100 times better than she was a few months ago.

It will get better it won't last forever. Some babies jist don't like being tiny babies and that's okay. It's not until you have one you can understand it.

Elphaba I'm going through this with 5 month old DD and what you've described is what I do(ish) - it's really helpful to see it written down. When (for you, anyway) did it end/improve, and how?

OP - please don't worry about classes. They're for you at this age anyway, not the baby. Get a good sling (go to a sling library first) and go with it. Meet friends for walks, or time it so that the baby sleeps enough before you get to wherever you're going. We're still in the thick of it here, but I do see little glimmers of improvement and (more importantly) it's stopped being my obsession.

At five months you're probably doing more like 1.5-1.75 hours of awake time and down to three naps I'm guessing?

I went back to work full time with both of mine when they were 8mo so day naps were taken care of by nursery during the week (I was convinced they pumped sedative drugs at set times of day through the ventilation systems because both my DSs were textbook independent nappers there just to spite me) and I basically did pretty much the same thing as I wrote above at the weekends but did more naps in the car so we could get out and about, especially when we had toddler DS1 to entertain.

Both co-slept at night until about 14mo, then I started a very gradual withdrawal with them in toddler beds and me sleeping on their floors for several months. Once each got the idea that their beds were a safe place to fall asleep, I had a few halcyon months of them napping in their beds, once they were down to one nap a day - I'd have to sit with them while they fell asleep, but then they'd nap for so long I'd have to wake them after 1.5-2hrs or they were impossible to get to sleep at night. Just for LOLs I did occasionally leave them to nap as long as they wanted, and I remember them hitting the three hour mark - twas bliss! (Although the evening bedtime routine went out the window because they were so perky). DS1 was around 20mo when this happened which was perfectly timed as I was pg with DS2 and desperately needed the afternoon nap myself. DS2 managed bed naps from around 18mo I think - again, perfectly timed as DS1 had dropped naps by then and gave us some nice post-lunch 1:1 time.

But, as in all things sleep-related, you have to assume that anything that happens during the toddler years is transient, and at some point past the age of two, they each decided bed-naps were for mugs, despite still needing a sleep after lunch, and they had to be driven around for naps until they dropped them altogether. For DS1 this was shortly after he turned 2.5, so not much petrol wasted; at 3.5yo, DS2 still needs the occasional post-prandial snooze so we just coordinate an after-lunch drive to somewhere interesting so he can get half an hour then wake up at a shop or a park. Naps are virtually a thing of the past here now thank fuck.

It does end. It's all you can think about while on mat leave, so just make it easy rather than chasing something you think 'should' be happening but isn't. Your baby is telling you what should be happening, so listen. As I said upthread, I have far pleasanter memories of mat leave with DS2 because I didn't spend it fighting him into something he wasn't able or ready to do. My best memory is lying on our spare bedroom bed, under the duvet, sniffing his baby head, stuffing coffee and cake into my mouth and watching Ru Paul's Drag Race educational nature documentaries on my iPad. Total bliss. All I can remember from DS1's mat leave is feeling like a general, constant failure because I couldn't get him sleeping in his cot and having a permanently furious baby as a result, and I think I still see the repercussions of some of that in his behaviour now. What a waste.

OP - please don't worry about classes. They're for you at this age anyway, not the baby.

And I totally 100% agree with this. It is far better for their development at this age to get them sleeping well, in whatever way they need, than having sparkly crap waved in their faces or bounced around pointlessly to nursery rhymes like little squishy puppets. I was so sleep-deprived with DS1 I had a permanent resting bitch face so no one ever spoke to me at classes anyway, or I sat there listening to them say how exhausted they felt after having to get up twice in the night for feeds (when I was up a minimum of six) making me feel even worse. I was equally sleep-deprived with DS2, but I knew to keep the RBF at home or at least confined to close friends and family only!

My dd was exactly like this. She never seemed to be happy and would have complete meltdowns frequently. I thought she was so unhappy. She is now 10 months old and one of the happiest babies I know. She's always smiling and interacting with people and although she still has the odd meltdown when tired or hungry, she really seems like a different baby. Hang in there it does get easier as they get older.

Thanks Elphaba. Really helpful.

The other thing I thought of, OP, which may not be of help but which I find myself reminding DH of regularly - no one has the "perfect" nonexistent baby. Among my NCT/other group of a dozen women, two are nap dodgers, one is refusing all attempts to increase weight, another is up every hour at night, yet another is waiting on a raft of referrals for things both minor and potentially severe, two more refuse all bottles... Most people find something difficult at this stage.

You find something difficult at every stage, unfortunately Hummus. It gets physically easier as they get bigger but then there's a new challenge that you never anticipated. But they also talk more and say/do lovely things (or not so lovely ) so you at least spend less time working out what it is they're after.

Hang in there op it's a phase and it will pass

Thanks all, I'm learning things do pass. At one point her reflux was much worse, but fingers crossed/touch wood it is better. She does sleep more at night than she used to. I am afraid to say all of this as as soon as I do usually she has a regression but f-k it, I'm just going to. I guess there's always a new phase or something to get used to.

My first was like this and the first six months were hell. The first year hard. Then as a toddler she chilled out and is one of the sweetest, loveliest, chilled out children I know. She also goes down by herself at 7 and sleeps through - when I used to spend hours rocking and feeding - it has taken her until 3 to do this though!

The other thing I thought of, OP, which may not be of help but which I find myself reminding DH of regularly - no one has the "perfect" nonexistent baby. Among my NCT/other group of a dozen women, two are nap dodgers, one is refusing all attempts to increase weight, another is up every hour at night, yet another is waiting on a raft of referrals for things both minor and potentially severe, two more refuse all bottles... Most people find something difficult at this stage.

I find a lot of women brag about how well their babies are doing and I'm ashamed to say it does get to me. And they make t seem as if it's a problem when it's not. "Oh x falls asleep as soon as we pick her up, how do we stop it?!" Wait, you're complaining about them falling asleep easily?!

Or "my baby keeps waking at 6am! How do we get her to sleep in more?" Well id say a whole night of no wake ups is ok to trade in for a 6am start! It just does my head in.

Also, online, a lot of American baby forums have kids who magically sleep through. "Braxton/Tyler/Chase was sleeping from 7-7 at 6 weeks and now he's waking at 3am, what happened?!"

Ps the people with chilled out babies don’t always have them second time round and get a shock! I actually had two friends apologize to me after our seconds for not being more understanding with our firsts after their seconds were a nightmare!
Oh and don’t forget you aren’t seeing all the people who can’t even make it to the class

She doesn't 'regress' OP - sleep does not improve on a steady upwards trend as many 'experts' and websites would have you believe. Keep repeating - 'it's a roller coaster for the first three years'. Take longer stretches of sleep as a bonus, but not a sign of how things could or should be from this point onwards, and you'll be less frustrated.