I can’t put my baby down! Advice please

[MummyToLeo14817]

I have a lovely healthy 5 month old ebf baby.

We have a Snuz Pod cot attached to our bed which he has almost never slept in. We also have a sleepyhead and a baby bean bag which he also rarely sleeps in. He hardly ever falls asleep in the car seat unless he’s cried for ages first ( because I physically can’t stop him while I’m driving).

He sleeps quite well -
7pm - 5am waking for a few feeds
Morning nap - hour ish
Afternoon nap 2 hours ish
Late afternoon nap 45mins ish

He feeds well and is very happy, rarely cries.

The only problem is WHERE he sleeps .... on me , either in my arms, in a sling or co-sleeping! I have tried to put him down but he always wakes within 15 mins and will not settle unless I pick him up again . My husband and I normally hold him all evening until we go to bed when he lies next to me( 4 inches from his SnuzPod!!!). I’ve tried lying right next to him in the SnuzPod but he just wakes and has a meltdown unless in our bed.

Any advice on how I can get him to stay asleep in a cot/bed etc because it’s a bit limiting!

Thanks

I BF mine lying down. So fall asleep on the boob, release nipple and role away....
but I co sleep with both of them still 🙄 Which I secretly love as one day they won't want me x

Ah okay I didn’t think of I that! I’ll try it when he next wants feeding.

I also secretly love cosleeping but I’m worried about how he’ll cope when I go back to work if he’s unable to sleep without me!

Will you be working nights?

I also feed lying down and do what user said.

It's so hard. I've got two that don't sleep. And I work. I look like shit. I can't remember what j did yesterday. Won't last forever x

Yeah I’ll b doing shifts which will involve some evenings and nights, I mean he’s only 5 months now and I’m not going back til he’s a year so I’m sure I’ll work it out by then !

Yes! Don't even worry about it now x

I have this issue with night sleeping and Really need to stop it as I have a 2 year old who is currently sleeping with his dad (he has a double bed). The issue is - aside from limited adult time and this not really being a choice - my DH is going to start having to work away soon and i can’t be in bed with both of them. No point dropping the co-sleeping with my 2 year old until my DH can get back in our bed. I was kind of hoping the switch to the cot in his own room at six months would let it sort itself out.

Four months is the pits. I co-slept from 4-6 months with ds1. At 6 months he was more ready for his cot so I transitioned him then. We would have got no sleep if I didn't co-sleep at 4 months! I'd prioritise sleep - but that's just me

I’m worried about how he’ll cope when I go back to work if he’s unable to sleep without me! if you're not there he'll just have to won't he? That's not meant to sound harsh, but if you are planning to go back when he's one then I think the fairest thing to him would be to try and ease him into it before you do. Personally I think one of the greatest gifts you can give your baby is teach him to drop off to sleep unaided. There will inevitably be a bit of crying and grizzling at the start, but better for that to happen when you can go back and reassure him in a gradual way than complete cold turkey when you go back. The best lesson for me was when I had my second child. Having to put two to bed on my own meant that having bathed and fed ds I had to leave him to grizzle in his cot while I sorted out his older sister. By the time I got back to him he would invariably have dropped off, very soon he didn't even grizzle, just happily went to sleep. As a result he was always a much better sleeper than his sister.

I would feed lying down. I coslept with 3 of mine and all learnt to fall asleep alone between 18 and 24 months. I see it as another milestone, like walking or talking.

Baby is likely to reverse cycle when you go back to work, cosleeping will help this (help you get sleep). There’s a great breastfeeding website kellymom which I used loads.

I am also really struggling with my 5 month old - I feed him to sleep and then put him in the cot but it takes many hours and multiple attempts to actually get him to stay asleep in the cot.
I know we're putting him to bed at the right times etc as he falls straight to sleep, but he just keeps waking up/stirring and rooting for me either when put down or shortly after.
May have to do the gradual retreat method as I also have an older son and just can't spend hours and hours every evening putting baby to bed - also I think the feeding to sleep association is getting worse rather than better so I think what I'm doing is really not working. I'd be quite happy to do night feeds if he was hungry but spending hours with him using me as a dummy is just really really frustrating...
There is going to be crying unfortunately but I just can't think what else to do and hopefully after a few nights he will sleep better. I can't do PUPD or rock/walk to sleep as he's really big and heavy for his age and my back already hurts.....

PS with my first I had similar issues and did controlled crying at just under 6 months - worked brilliantly: the first night he did cry for a very long time, but it very quickly got better and he's been a great sleeper ever since.

I'm not sure that's right for us this time for various reasons but I have got to do something a bit more drastic - I was trying the softly softly pantley pull off technique but didn't really get anywhere with it.

What does it mean when you say “baby is likely to reverse cycle when you go back to work” ?

I asked my HV about his sleep and she suggested controlled crying but not til 7months, I’m just a massive wimp as he’s my first and I find it very hard to see him cry even for a moment 🙈.

I tried the feeding lying down last night ( which I do while he’s cosleeping in my bed anyway) but within 5 mins he was writhing around and then woke up and cried so I gave in and put him back in with me. I’ll try again tonight

Also thanks everyone for the advice, most of my baby friends have their babies happily sleeping in their cots and so can’t really offer any advice.

I’m going to have a look at KellyMom thanks

Try moving to a eat/awake/sleep routine rather than awake/eat/sleep. Offer milk only upon waking and settle to sleep in the cot by sitting next to the cot and putting your hand on them, using a few soothing words etc.

Ideal routine before sleep is into room, draw curtains, read the same short book and then into cot wide awake. If you do that every nap time for two weeks, they’ll catch on.

At bedtime, differentiate so they know it’s not just another nap. Pjs, milk, brush any teeth, gro bag, room, curtains, book and bed.

Good luck! I don’t know how you get anything done without hands free naps!!

Mine was like this Nursery sorted him out in that he could then do it without me he just preferred to sleep on me lol

I’m just a massive wimp as he’s my first and I find it very hard to see him cry even for a moment totally normal. I was the same. I realised when I had the second and had to leave him to tend to the over-indulged first that what is really required is something to take your mind off it for five minutes or so which is effectively what happens when you are driving. Make sure he's fed, winded, changed (i.e. cover all bases), put him down in his bed sing him a song or whatever then go and empty the dishwasher/ hang out the washing whatever - i.e. a short task which you complete before going back. I would try to avoid feeding to sleep because then he's effectively using you as a human dummy and consequently won't be able to drift off to sleep on his own if he wakes. He will cry a little bit - that's quite normal for babies - try and think of it as teaching him how to go to sleep which is actually quite a kind thing to do.

I have a healthy ebf 8 month little boy and he's the same I've tried everything, I've tried walking away and leaving him to cry but he cries so hard he makes himself sick :( some nights he will sleep in his cot for most of the night but as soon as he realises hes got to go back it's back to the screaming until I pick him up and he's instantly back asleep. I'm also a first time mum and the thought of him getting that upset breaks my heart

I have a healthy ebf 8 month little boy and he's the same I've tried everything, I've tried walking away and leaving him to cry but he cries so hard he makes himself sick :( some nights he will sleep in his cot for most of the night but as soon as he realises hes got to go back it's back to the screaming until I pick him up and he's instantly back asleep. I'm also a first time mum and the thought of him getting that upset breaks my heart

I had/have that same issue with my DD. I slept sitting up with her on my chest from the day she was born until she was about 4 1/2 months. Then I bf her to sleep now she’s 8mths and we still co sleep which has its own set of issues (in our case).

Now I wished I tried controlled crying, she used to scream her head off when in the car seat and we obviously couldn’t take her out. Now she falls asleep at the drop of a hat, it did take a few months to get there.

Glittabug your LO sounds exactly like mine, only sleeps on me, car seat hater, cosleeper!

How did you get her to fall asleep on her own?

Mummytoleo14817 well to transition her from sleeping on my chest, once she fell asleep I rolled over to place her on her back. I slept on my side in a C shape around her.

I wouldn’t say she sleeps on her “own” this is still a work in progress. Shes used to me being next to her she most times wakes up looking for me if I am not right next to her.

Mine did this, and hated the car seat too. Some babies are just like this. It’s nothing you’ve done wrong and they do grow out of it eventually!

What helped me: co-sleeping cot (so 3-sided cot attached to bed, you can adapt a normal one). Feed or cuddle or pat to sleep, then roll away. Saved me tons of time I used to spend trying to coax her into cot or Moses basket. Also white noise seemed to help. She did start growing out of it after 1, and nursery could get her to nap by sitting next to her and singing/patting so long as she was near other children on the sleep mats.