Breastfeeding and how ‘professionals’ DONT support it.

[pixydust94]

I recently (tonight) responsed to my local MP’s email to me, and included only a couple/few issues I’ve faced at the hands of ‘experts’ and ‘professionals’ from Children’s Services and a Family Assesment Unit. (I’ve had to blank out/change a few things including the FAU’s name and other bits, for safeguarding purposes obviously. But do people think this email is good enough to outline the most smallest issues I’ve faced as a mummy who chose to breastfeed to please?....

Dear Sir (local MP’s name)

I am extremely overwhelmed that you have decided to take time out of your busy schedule and help in some form of way. It is a huge ‘sigh of relief’ and I am interested to see where it goes from here!

Some of the ladies I’ve been speaking with, who are trying to help me also, by explaining certain things etc, have all said to explain to you that the social worker that is causing me this hassle, and making false accusations, is in fact the same social worker that ‘stitched up’ a previous lady you helped by the name of Sarah Smith (made up name. This social worker is known as Lucy Bloggs (made up name). And I have never, during my time as a service user, or as a volunteer to Children’s Services, met a more unprofessional and disrespectful employee than this. And I have met many of the employees over a good number of years through working for Children’s Services on a voluntary basis myself.

Piecing things together, slowly and over time, it appears that the Family Assessment Unit were very ‘pally’ with the social worker/social services, and that every tiny petty ‘detail’ they could pick up on, was included as ‘concerns’ or ‘worries’ about my care for my daughter. An example of this is breastfeeding. I chose to breastfeed my daughter exclusively, and formed a beautiful, close bond with my daughter by doing so! However, contrary to belief, and it is also stated in Hazeldene’s very own policy, whilst I had decided to breastfeed my baby, this meant that, following the FAU’s specific rules, aswell as being a confident, caring mother, I breastfeed in communal/public areas. Following this decision, it came to light that FAU staff had an issue with this, and then included in their reports/reviews etc that I ‘had no respect for anyone else’ because I was ‘leaving my breast exposed for too long’ during my daughters feeding/winding times. Staff had suggested trying to ‘cover up’ whilst I feed, which meant having to have my daughters face under cloth/a Muslin whilst she fed, but this didn’t work for us, it was just too much hassle.

Whilst I can understand and sympathise that breastfeeding may make some others uncomfortable, I had specifically gained the permission from the other parents in the unit, to breastfeed in front of them/their partners, and they were all ok with this.

As mentioned above, even though getting consent from other families that they were ok with it, FAU staff still continued to moan, so I started feeding upstairs in our allocated room instead where I wasn’t ‘leaving my breast exposed’ to anyone else. I also offered staff to come up and supervise/observe my daughters feeds, however this wasn’t always followed. Following this decision to feed upstairs because of the palarva staff had caused previously, they then start to moan and ‘mark me down’ for spending too much time upstairs!

I would just like to finish those paragraphs off by informing that as the caring, nurturing and incredibly devoted mother I am, I would (and did) feed my baby absolutely anywhere, anytime, if they needed feeding. My daughter is my priority, not the opinions of others who may be anti breast-feeding. And if she needs feeding, I will do exactly that, with no issues, objections to the time or surroundings etc.

Receiving this kind of treatment from other people, but more specifically, staff that work at a Family Assessment Unit, where the staff there are ladies who are ex midwives, ex social workers and so on has been deeply disheartening, and incredibly upsetting to be victim off.

As you can see, this is just one situation/problem! And it’s quite lengthy to explain, because the amount of depth I have to go into to explain it all. Now imagine several other ‘issues/concerns’ FAU had with my parenting (although, it was said/confirmed by multiple members of staff, on an exceptionally regular basis, that my basic parenting of my baby was ‘good enough’ to the standards they expect. She had all her needs met.

FAU say they judged/observed my ‘parenting’. This is absolutely, definitely not the case! They judged my mental health only. Not my ability to parent. And, of course, without any relevant mental health qualifications/experience etc, one simply cannot make judgement of another’s mental state, unless absolutely qualified to do so!

So I strongly and firmly believe (and feel) that FAU, even though classed as a ‘Family Assessment Unit’ and a place of observations of ‘parenting skills’, is more of a:

1. Popularity contest - by this I mean, if you aren’t ‘friends’ with the staff and essentially, challenge their own wrong doings and failures of practices too, then you have already failed your assessment, because hey themselves don’t like being proved wrong or challenged when they have failed to provide a service to an expected standard.

2. An absolutely outrageous and exceptionally unsupportive/inconsiderate service that fail to provide even the basic of services they claim to offer, but instead are what’s more commonly known as ‘a judges panel’ to see which ‘contestant’ can ‘score the most points’ by be friending staff, which is absolutely disguised compliance of course!

I think I have now covered enough of only 1 or 2 problems that have occurred from this FAU place, and I can only sincerely apologise to you for the length of this email! But this is only a couple of petty little ‘problems’ the staff at this ‘service provider’ nit pick at, because they have no real cause of concern to my PARENTING skills.

Once again, my apologies for such a lengthy email, that must have taken up a significant amount of your precious and limited time! But I have, and will always continue to advocate and stand up to speak out when things aren’t right.

Children’s services and this Family Assessment Unit have both failed me as a service user, and as a parent, they have also failed my beautiful and most precious daughter aswell. And now she is missing out on such a crucial transition and milestone due to their unprofessional lies and personal opinions.

My utmost kindest regards and best wishes,
signed by me obviously!

Why is your daughter missing out on a crucial milestone? Is it something they already know about?

Why couldn’t you use a Muslin? Was your breast exposed? I have nothing against breast feeding, but I know how long it can take to wind a baby, and if someone left their breast hanging out during that time, I would find it a bit strange - you may get the go ahead from other people but it’s only because they are afraid to say anything else in case they get accused of breast feeding bashing. It comes across like you were trying to be awkward and hard work with the staff. Sorry if that’s not what you want to hear, but that’s how I read it.

Personally I just found it really hard to understand. Some of your sentences are too long with commas in very strange places. I would rewrite it before you send it. It also feels like there is a lot of information missing to get the full picture. Does the person you are sending it to know the rest of the story?

I am also very confused what this is about but in terms of improving the email I would suggest:

1. Stick to facts and try to make it less melodramatic (however upset and angry you clearly are). Eg when you say the reports said 'I had no respect for anyone else': which report on which date by which person/organisation? Reduce or cut out the speculation about 'popularity contests'/'judges panel' etc unless you can relate it to specific facts/incidents.
2. Make it shorter, perhaps bulletpointed - follow number 1 to help you cut down. Whatever the current word count is aim to cut it down by at least a quarter. Eg if it's currently 750 words, cut it down to 500 words or less. The only exception would be if you are adding really specific factual information eg 'on the 1st of February Lucy Bloggs said x and then on the 1st of March she wrote me a letter saying y'.
3. Make sure each sentence makes a specific new point which adds to your overall argument. Any sentences that don't make a specific new point need to be removed.

I would also suggest asking someone less emotionally involved in the situation than you to help you edit it.

I have stuck to fact. And there is more than sufficient evidence to back it all up. Reports, daily notes, signed documents from staff etc. I also advocate on behalf of young people and children in care, so I wouldn’t advocate something if I knew it wasn’t based on solid facts. Where as this is.

You’re right, there is a lot of information missing, but that’s because of 1) safeguarding, 2) data protection and 3) no one else needs to know the entire situation, whilst I understand it will be difficult for you to understand without said information, and all the ‘ins and outs’, I cannot expose any more details at the current time under the Data Protection Act.

The FAU WAS a popularity contest, and not an ‘assessment’ per say. If you didn’t get on with staff, you didn’t leave with your child. If you kissed their behinds, you left with your child.

As I have quite a naturally advocating and challenging personality, I will challenge anything I feel is wrong, and will back is up only with solid evidence.

There are also other factors, I sometimes ‘struggle’ to communicate well with others, face to face, over a screen, during a telephone call etc.

I tried using a Muslin, but with breasts this large, it was hard to keep pulling it out and sorting that out rather than focusing on feeding my daughter, who is obviously my priority.

In addition to my ‘email’, I’m just curious, is it against the law to breastfeed in public? This is something I don’t know the answer too, however, I’ve seen plenty of mums breastfeed their little ones in public, so going off that, I’d assume it’s not?

Agree with others, too lengthy and not objective/ clear

Have you been through complaints process for the service?

What you are trying to say gets completely lost as it’s so long and waffling. You need to cut that by at least half.

Also there is no evidence anywhere in that email, it’s purely subjective.

Cut the length, don’t repeat points. Take out unnecessary adjectives and adverbs. Stick to facts.
No it’s not against the law to breastfeed in public - it is against the law to ask a breastfeeding woman not to feed in a public place.

I would stick to facts rather than your feelings.

Of course there isn’t a law about not breast feeding in public, but I’ve been around lots of mums and nobody really leaves their tit hanging out whilst burping - not that I’ve ever noticed.

What do you actually want from them? You don’t really say what you want them to do?

Too lengthy and waffly, and it reads like you've got a chip on your shoulder against a few individuals, so I take the whole thing with a lunch of salt
If it is all true, the dramatic language ruins it all

I rolled my eyes at the opening sentence as well

I think that email isn't going to help your cause sadly OP.

It makes you sound in your own words 'challenging', as well as uncooperative and paranoid. Even if you do have a valid complaint it's lost in your view that the FAU and the professionals you have encountered are engaged in a conspiracy against you.

For what it's worth if I was another vulnerable woman and another mother with a 'challenging personality' started questioning me if I had a problem with her breastfeeding and her breasts being out in the communal areas I would probably just go along with whatever she was saying to keep the peace even if she was actually making me uncomfortable.

The staff at FAUs aren't engaging in a popularity contest they are assessing your ability to parent your child and your ability to engage and work with professionals, given that presumably there are issues if you have been offered a place in an FAU in the first place. The people that jump through these hoops and 'pass' are the ones that get to leave with their children.

But surely if you advocate for children you will be aware of the need to reference in specific documents/names/instances or any complaints/allegations cannot be properly investigated?

Also, isn't your job (and the children you advocate for's position) very compromised if you struggle to communicate etc?

It's not againt the law to breastfeed in public but there is legislation against public indecency and the right to breastfeed does not trump that. For the avoidance of doubt, breast feeding in the usual manner in public is absolutely protected. However, if you have finished feeding and are winding a baby, you are not breastfeeding so sitting with an entire boob exposed for a significant period of time could fall foul of that.

I've tried to read that but to be completely honest I've no idea what you are tryimg to say/complain about.

You've complained about a social worker in the 2nd paragraph but im not sure what it is you are complaining about there either. As for the fact that you know there have been issues with her before, HOW do you know? Word of mouth? In other words be very careful in how you word.

I agree with pp. Bullet point all the relevant points. Get your evidence together. Link to WHO re breastfeeding. Find the relevant nice guidelines.

Also, it's not clear what milestones you feel your dd is missing?

I would consider:

1. just remove the first paragraph altogether.
2. Writing in shorter sentences (easier to understand)
3. Making the language less colloquial.
4. You haven't really made the connection between Lucy and FUA clear enough.

In your place I would just write along the lines of the following:

Dear Sir,

I would like to thank you for your time and consideration. I am writing today regarding the FAmily Assement Unit and a Ms Lucy Bloggs who I believe you are already familiar with. She is the social worker who was involved in the case of Sarah Smith. Members of staff at the FUA had an inappropriately friendly relationship with Ms Bloggs. This lead to the FUA inappropriately divulging information to social services and treating me unfairly. In particular I was victimised and bullied by the FUA, under what I believe was Ms Bloggs' influence for breast feeding my infant daughter.

Despite NHS advice to exclusively breastfeed babies for the first six months of life, the FUA discouraged breastfeeding. They unfairly and unlawfully critisised my choice to breastfeed my daughter in public. They claimed that my choice to breastfeed without a cover showed a lack of respect for others. I attempted to explain to them that my daughter would not breastfeed with her face covered but they were not interested in supporting my decision to breastfeed. Instead they made me feel ashamed to breastfeed in public. As a result I chose to breastfeed up stairs in our allocated room. I invited them to observe us in our room but they refused. The choice to breastfeed in private was then also used to critisise me.

In addition to this the staff at the FAU were unprofessional in other ways. They showed an obvious prejudice as a result of my mental health issues. The staff have no mental health qualifications and overstepped their remit. Their role was to assess whether my daughter's needs were met by me. It was inappropriate for them to pass judgment on my mental health beyond the ways in which it affected my daughter. The staff also engaged in blatant favouritism to some clients. Their reports ofparents who challenged them were unduly harsh. In contrast reports of parents who were friendly with the staff were by and large favourable.

I am and always have been a devoted mother. My only concern has been to ensure that my daughter's needs are met and that she is happy and safe. Breastfeeding was an important part of my role as a mother caring for her baby. The staff at the FUA behaved unprofessionally and unhumanely when they bullied me for feeding my baby.

I thank you again for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours sincerely,

What milestone is your child missing out on?

The whole letter is too long and hard to read. I’m struggling to pinpoint what you actually want to complain about. I would take out all the emotive stuff and do bullet points with facts only.

op I'm a huge BF advocate. I'm tandem feeding till natural weaning age. I have many of the same opinions as you, but I'm so
Sorry you some across as very angry and defence. To advocate, one should be open minded and assertive. To me you feel narrow minded and aggressive. I appreciate this may come across as a character assassination but it isn't. Take reference go forth stronger.

It's far too rambling and emotive. So much so it is a chore to read and difficult to understand.

Stick to facts. It might help to scrap what you've written and make some bullet points. Only elaborate on a few bits that need it.