8 yr old can't say sorry

[SmiledWithTheRisingSun]

Arrrrgh! My 8yr old has a really hard time saying sorry.

He is generally a well behaved nice boy & is clever, does well at school, has lots of friends etc...

But when he does something wrong - for example this evening I asked him why he hadn't given his little brother the snacks
I had given him for the both of them
this morning at school - he just made a load of excuses & became really cross with me started shouting at me & stomped off into his room slamming the door. The most I have been able to get out of him is a very insincere "Soreeee!"

I don't know why he finds it SO hard to accept very reasonable criticism.

What am I doing wrong???

Don’t ask him what he did wrong. Tell him. Tell him and explain exactly why he was wrong, and keep reminding him to apologise to his brother. If he doesn’t sound sincere then punish him.

That's not being well behaved! He can. He is choosing not to.

He can say sorry, he just refuses to, so there should be a punishment or toy withheld until he does say it.

I have told him.
Have asked him to sit in his room & think about it.
It's just so infuriating.
He usually snaps out if it & gets over himself. Just so 😤 At the end of a long day!

Sitting in his room and thinking about it? Wishy washy response. He's being rude. He needs a clear and immediate consequence.

He's come out & sincerely apologised to both of us now. Got there in the end 🙄

There's no real consequences for him not apologising though is there? So he doesn't really need to say it. Natural consequence no snack for him tomorrow.

What would your clear & immediate response have been Wolfie?

Depends on the child. I would generally start with saying go to his room until he's prepared to say sorry. Allows him to get away from the conflict and think about how to proceed. Gives him a choice.
If he doesn't apologise nicely then no TV today or no swimming or club or whatever he cares about for today.
He's getting away with kicking off and then maybe saying sorry if and when he chooses. That pattern isn't good.

Just a suggestion but...
When you ask him to say sorry, make sure he understands why!
So tell him what he has done wrong,
Let him think about it!
Calmly tell him to apologise, but not just say sorry!
Ask him what he did that was wrong and ask him how he thinks the other person may be feeling.
Then ask him how he would feel and if he likes feeling like that.

Im not saying it will work, its just what I do with my Children, it works for them but not necessarily all children.

Oh, forgot to add, until my children apologise they are not allowed to carry on with their playing. (Some say this is too harsh)

Have had a very similar conversation to you Skippy - I asked him to explain why I was asking him to apologise. He gets it. He does it in the end. It's just annoying that he finds it hard to do initially I guess.

Thanks for the speedy replies

Well it is the hardest word!

That sounds flippant but apologising is hard. It's almost meant to be.

But he got there in the end!

It's a sad sad situation 🤣

And it's getting more and more absurd