Miserable weekends

[satsumagirl]

I'm finding weekends really hard at the moment and wondered if any of you have been here. Both DH and I work full time and he travels most weeks with work. Our children are 6 and 7 and every weekend involves rushing from one DC's class to a sporting activity to birthday parties. I feel like we never get any time as a proper family or just DH and I.

It's really getting me down. I have depression (you wouldn't know it if you met me, to the outside world I appear like a happy, upbeat individual). But I had a bad flare up last September where I began to feel suicidal again and now see a psychologist every few weeks. The cause was PTSD from childhood abuse and combined pressure from our marriage going through a bad patch, working long hours and these relentless weekends. Our marriage has improved since then and my psychologist is providing excellent care, but I am still recovering. Yesterday I had a panic attack and couldn't stop crying. I feel like I don't have any control at weekends- everything is about the children, homework, looking after the house etc. I have a cleaner but I'm the only one who tidies the house. I don't understand why we can't have some downtime together as a family at the weekend. I know parenting is hard and involves sacrifice. I get that. I'm worried my depression is coming back though.

I've just re-read this and it sounds like first world problems, apologies. I know we are very lucky to have jobs and a family. I just think we need to spend more time as a family not rushing around constantly!

It sounds really full on. Why don't you have one weekend a month where you don't do anything - if the kids can't miss their activities then see if another parent can do the pick up that week and you repay the favour another time.

I am naturally bone idle and wouldn't function without a couple of days of proper rest each month. Everyone needs a duvet day from time to time.

Would scheduling in family time help? Then if someone suggests an activity on, say, Saturday afternoons, your default reply is no?

Also, do you need to look at the scheduling of your DC's activities to enable this? It's OK to tell them that they can't do everything.

You ask yourself why? Only you can answer that. Is it possible to cut your hours at work, cut down on kids clubs, say no to some parties?

Hello OP- I think that the general demands of modern life make posts like yours increasingly common.

We went through a bit of an Epiphany moment about a month before Christmas and have done the following to maximise our enjoyment of weekends and also our own sanity. (Werealised we were spending every weekend barely coping and distraught by Sunday night and that something had to give):

-Told both sets of GP'S (possibly a whole other thread tbh) that school night and Sunday night visits were now not allowed as it throws off DD's sleep pattern and we pay the price at weekends. So far this is working out well and we have informally arranged a late afternoon Friday family/GP'S session where we do a park visit, tea and cake type of thing out and I do us all dinner and they leave by 8.30.
-Declined some of the playdates/soft play invites/activities that meant we were beholden to other parents schedules that we realised not only did not suit us but were eating our entire Saturday meaning that we were playing catch up for the rest of every damned weekend. This means that DD still gets some sort of activity each weekend, but now it is most usually with us and at a time that works with us.
-I do a big shop on Friday afternoon (before the GP'S descend on us) and therefore gain a few hours at weekend.
-Sunday mornings DP does a park excursion whilst I do chores/ironing for the week, prep roast..... this means that dp and I actually get to sit down to dinner together and have a rare evening/tv/long bath ;-)/whatever else might need doing....
This means that I can follow up on any household admin and chores on week nights and that weekends are now enjoyable, it does get better OP, you just need to manage things and decide between you exactly how you want to spend your weekends (& with who!)

Hope this helps....

Perhaps just miss the odd weekend class/sporting activity/party?......it won't make the blind bit of difference to your DCs life in the long run but will provide a bit of family/'me' time?

who looks after DCs during the week? Cant they do all the taking to classes after school and leave the weekends as you time.

Thank you so much for the messages ladies. It really helps to know I'm not alone in feeling like this.

I think you're right, we need to start saying no to stuff. Surely missing the odd party or class is no bad thing?

@grasspigeons Our childminder does school drop off and pick up and does take them to a couple of classes during the week. She could probably do more but the DCs are pretty tired after school so I wouldn't want to give them more activities then. Tricky. I will have a think though.

Drop the weekend classes/activities?

We have started marking up one wknd a month on the family calendar for quiet and we just say no to everything/skip all activities. It does us good to have lazy mornings and scope for spontaneity.
Is it family time you need or DP time? Could those keen GPs take kids for a Friday night and let you two head to a hotel?

I limit my dcs to one activity at a time. If they want to try something new, they have to pause the current one. I have occasionally cracked and allowed 2 but only if it is a one time a week thing. It sounds like a lot of your time insanity might be driven by the dcs having too much on their schedules. Why not write it all down for 1 week and then review it and see what you think about cutting it back.

Schedule in some down days at weekends and decline invitations - your sanity is easily more important than your child’s presenteeism at every party going.

Online grocery shopping was a huge boon when our kids were tiny - helps curb impulse buying too & keep you on budget. We rarely go to a supermarket now. It is a novelty experience reserved for holidays. Most supermarkets have cheap or free (with min spend) slots midweek.

How many things are the kids doing? And are you getting any time?
I go to a class on a Sunday morning and dh goes to park run on Saturdays. I do the kids swimming when he’s at that. Dh gets supermarket delivery while I’m at my class and puts it away.
Afternoons we can head out together or chill at home. Kids get party invitations but only about once a month.