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Parenting

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Original poster

4 year old party - parents stay or leave?

40 replies

feejee · 06/01/2018 14:16

I'm currently writing out the invites for my sons 4th birthday party. He is the oldest in his school nursery class so I only have playgroup parties to go on, and all the parents would stay at the parties we went to.

I am hoping that parents will stay at his party to supervise their child - what is the done thing at 4? I am useless at remembering each childs name, let alone trying to look after 20 of them on a bouncy castle whilst sorting food etc out.

The party is in our village hall, bouncy castle, party food etc. Tea/coffee and snacks for parents. Do you think most people would assume parents welcome, or would i need to state this on the invite? and if so, how best ?

Thank for any advice offered

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Ringonrighthand · 06/01/2018 14:17

Stay! Definitely! Mine is 6 and I would still stay! :)

thepatchworkcat · 06/01/2018 14:22

Everyone stayed for my son’s 4th and for his 5th too, if that helps! I’d be surprised if anyone didn’t stay for a 4th (but you never know, I’ve read all sorts on here!).

converseandjeans · 06/01/2018 14:24

Stay - or if they are dropping off ask for a mobile number. Be careful though as some people stay but have a toddler with them & they will probably want to join in. So you might need to factor that into numbers.

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ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 06/01/2018 14:25

Round here we stay.

Ragwort · 06/01/2018 14:32

Personally I hated parents staying, but DH & I were Scout leaders and well used to organising children . I found it a real pain when parents stayed, and never forget one mum who tried to intervene so her child won pass the parcel .

I think you should make it absolutely clear in the invitation whether or not parents are expected to stay.

I remember dropping my DS off aged 3 at a party, he was a very confident child and I had no idea I was expected to stay - the look of shock on the mum's face when I left .

Chrisinthemorning · 06/01/2018 14:34

Definitely stay in nursery and reception. We do drop off sometimes now in Year 1, but it’s 50/50 so the best thing for that age is to give drop and go as an option.

StopTheRoundabout · 06/01/2018 14:36

I would stay. 4 is very young to drop and run at a party imo.

GrooovyLass · 06/01/2018 14:36

Is it a thing now that parents stay with their kids at parties? I would have hated that when DD was young. All the parents stay and it turns into just another adult/kid playdate and not a party. Either that or you're trying to entertain the parents as well as the children.

megletthesecond · 06/01/2018 14:36

The vast majority will stay.

Chrisinthemorning · 06/01/2018 14:38

Definitely stay in nursery and reception. We do drop off sometimes now in Year 1, but it’s 50/50 so the best thing for that age is to give drop and go as an option.

PolarBearGoingSomewhere · 06/01/2018 14:41

DD2 had a 4th birthday party that stated parents weren't to stay. I really wasn't happy about leaving her but there was another mum I'm good friends with (and DD knows well) there helping out so I left her for an hour.

I still stay half the time for DD1 who is in year one and I'm far from the only one!

Iloveacurry · 06/01/2018 14:43

When my daughter was 4, at her party only one parent stayed!

BackforGood · 06/01/2018 14:47

Simplest to just make it clear on the invitation.
IME, once dc were at school then you left them at parties and collected them at the end. It is the host's responsibility to invite only the number of dc they can look after with the number of adults they can provide, but from reading MN for many years, that isn't the case everywhere!
At Nursery I would have expected to have to stay - as you say, most of them will be 3, some of them only just 3. No harm in being clear though.

Vanillaradio · 06/01/2018 14:48

Ds is 4. At his party all the parents stayed and we always stay, never seen anyone drop and run yet. I am told by those with older kids that 6 is usually the one where people start leaving.....

MelanieSmooter · 06/01/2018 14:48

I’m literally just leaving to take my 6yo to a party (year 1) and I’ll be staying, as will all the others!

Original poster

feejee · 06/01/2018 15:36

Interesting there are different responses. The kids have only done 1 term of 2.5hr afternoons with each other, and my son doesn't have any friends in particular, he seems to play with everyone so i was planning on inviting the whole class (seems a bit mean otherwise), there's 16 of them (although more may be starting next week i guess) and i should have 5/6 adults with me so it wouldnt be a disaster if people shoved off, but as I say i only know 2 of the girls names and a few more of the boys names from his class - luckily all the names are down in the nativity play programme so i can write the invites.

I wouldnt dream of leaving my son at a party on his own just yet, maybe next year when he is full time at school though and Ive got to know the parents a bit better.

OP posts:

Cakescakescakes · 06/01/2018 15:38

If the kids are being dropped off the write the kids names on stickers and stick them onto their back. Stops them peeling them off and means you can identify everyone easily. I run kids events for preschoolers and this system works really well for us.

Original poster

feejee · 06/01/2018 17:24

Good idea cakescakescakes, i'll use that idea.

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grandolddukeofyork · 06/01/2018 17:47

I've turned down lots of invites because it's never made clear whether parents can stay or not so for this reason definitely specify.

Figgygal · 06/01/2018 17:48

I've never left ds 6 at a party wouldn't have thought to tbh

whatsagoodusername · 06/01/2018 18:03

In my experience, most people stay at that age - if they are younger siblings their parents might be more likely to leave them, but most parents will stay.

State that there's tea and coffee on the invitation - I would assume from that you want parents to stay.

MelanieSmooter · 06/01/2018 18:47

Is it a thing now that parents stay with their kids at parties?

I stay with DS because he has ASD. I’d stay with DD because she’s only just 4 and would hate me to leave. I haven’t stayed with DS1 (9) since about half way through year 1. I imagine DD will be the same by then.

Nobody entertained me today. I spent the entire party chatting to another parent (not the party holder) about our other DCs.

Original poster

feejee · 06/01/2018 19:08

Ive decided to add onto the invite time line to say 11-1 - party lunch for kids, tea/coffee for adults provided. Mother-in-law is bound to make a huge victoria sponge for the adults too as its her speciality.

OP posts:

PolarBearGoingSomewhere · 06/01/2018 20:13

FeeJee great idea. Makes it clear at the beginning. However if people are staying perhaps do an extra plate or two of food, in case of unplanned brothers and sisters.

GrooovyLass · 06/01/2018 20:22

My DD has ASD too. Parties started at 4 when they were in the last year of nursery and parents never stayed. The drill was you'd say "erm, do you need any help?" and then leg it when the parent pretended to think it over. I'm only talking 14 years ago with DD but I don't remember parents hanging around when I was a child either.

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