Am I over reacting?

[Dlah]

Mother in law . .
So my little one goes to her on a Friday whilst I work (which I fully appreciate) I've always sent her fully stocked with a changing bag and what's needed but since day one she's been out and purchased practically double of everything.
First ever grandchild just put it down to being excited/wanting to be involved.
Couple of months ago she commented something like 'oh don't worry about sending clothes I'll get her some', now I've always sent her with clothes yet then didn't want them I felt a little like she didn't like my choices?!!
So again, let her get on with it (continue to put our clothes in but never used now) :(

She came back last night and went straight to bed as asleep, woke up this morning and she's in a pull up, she's 14 months old for starters and I had already said to myself I wouldn't be using them - just not a fan, have worked in nurseries for over 10 years and found they confuse a lot of children. Obviously everyone's preference but personally I won't be.

Now is it just me that thinks she should have asked before doing it? It's not even a brand of nappy she's ever had before, thankfully not had a reaction, just getting to me a little when as per Normally daughter was sent with a bag full of nappies to use

:(

In the kindest way, I think you're over reacting. She clearly adores having your Little one to have set up the house etc. And at 14 months they're not as sensitive as a new born- I imagine she'd know if your DC has sensitive skin anyway. She is doing a lovely thing by offering child care and to be honest I love the days my DM has DC instead of nursery. I can drop off in pjs with just a changing bag and know that every meal, every toy, every nappy and every whim is provided with love... much less stress than a nursery day and packing everything they need!!

Honestly, yeah, you're overreacting a little bit. Unless you've specifically said to your MIL that you want to be consulted on all changes to clothes/nappies/wipes/food et al and she's ignored you, I think you just have to accept she is looking after your child and won't want any harm to come to them. My mum looks after my DS twice a week and she always asks about food and snacks, but in terms of nappies and clothes, I couldn't give a flying monkey what she does when he's with her so long as he's warm and dry.

I'm not sure why pull-ups are an issue at 14 months old - my son is 16 months and doesn't take any notice of what nappies he's in or out of? I appreciate at 2/3 they may take more notice, but I think you are being a bit precious to assume at 14 month old would take stock.

If you feel your MIL is undermining you or you want to set firmer boundaries, you'll need to have a chat with her. But if I'm honest, it's sounding all a bit PFB and I think you need to chill out a little

Yes, huge overreaction. Do you dislike her generally and its colouring your view of her?

Sorry, but I think you are overreacting - unless your child had a history of having bad reactions to other brands of nappies (and MIL was aware) then I don’t see the problem. Oh and using pull-ups doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with potty training if that’s what you think is confusing - I put my DS2 in pull-ups from around the age of 8 months because he was so wriggly/rolling over all the time and a nightmare to change. (Since gone back to mostly normal nappies as he has gotten more settled.) Your MIL may just have found it easier to put on the pull-ups?
The not using your clothes thing is a bit strange to be honest, but maybe she just loves having an excuse to buy baby clothes since it’s her first grandchild. As you get free childcare (I’d love it if I had that option) I wouldn’t be bothered by this personally.

I'm not sure why pull-ups are an issue at 14 months old

Because the OP doesn’t want them on her daughter yet. And that is sufficient enough reason.

Yo until that point I think your MIL is simply being a besotted grandma who enjoys buying baby biys. However you explicitly said you didn’t want those nappies and she didn’t listen, so I think you just need to gently and kindly ask her not to do so in future.

However the tone of your post and indeed the fact that you are even posting would indicate your relationship with your MIL is a little freight at the best of times.

I don't find the own clothes strange, both ny DP and PIL have nappies and clothes at theirs for when the kids visit,they like to make it easier for us so we don't have to take loads of crap over!

Did OP tell MIL that she didn’t want pull-ups though? She only states she has said to herself she wouldn’t be using them - not clear whether this was communicated to the MIL.

Ah yes

On that case OP YABU!

Thank you for all the prompt replies.

In all fairness no I hadn't explicitly said don't use as i never thought of it being something I should - ie she has a bag full of nappies sent (infact I gave her a whole pack and said tell me when low and I'll resend) but she didn't and I put extra in bag incase low, but just didnt expect her to go and buy own choice.

I genuinely don't want to have an issue with MIL but I've always been made to feel like what I was doing wasn't good enough for our daughter. She makes me feel a little inadequate sometimes and now for that reason I've asked that question to make sure it's not just that clouding my judgement.
I know she loves my daughter, cares for her well and for that I am thankful, just sometimes feels like she makes me feel like I'm not doing the best for my daughter

Op are they actual pull ups for the point of toilet training or are they pull up nappy pants?

We use the later on our 14 month old as he is awful to change. Is she perhaps struggling to change her and saw the advert and thought it might help

Just a thought, I picked up pull ups instead of nappies a few times and used them instead of wasting them. Maybe she's trying to save you some money by providing her own and just made a mistake?

She's saving you money on nappies, is happy to buy and provide things for her grandchild and wants to get some clothes for her too, sounds like a lovely helpful mil! My mil has a stock of nappies in the sizes that fit all her nappy wearing grandchildren and regularly sends ds home with nappies she's bulk bought and new clothes, last time it was 5 new long sleeve tops just as the weather was getting colder, win! You're reading too much into it, just enjoy and appreciate it.

Wishing - OP didn't communicate her feelings about pull-ups, that's why I couldn't see the issue.

Bollocks, massively delayed cross post whilst changing my own DS nappy

Oh gosh OP I totally identify with your feelings re inlaws and inadequacy.

Mine are the same, they have brought everything twice and usually a more expensive version than what we have at home.

The thing that made me mad was when they got him his own coat. I was so offended. I always send him with a coat ffs!

You are overeating a bit. Maybe she finds them easier to change her? Pull-ups won’t confuse her used as nappies. Just make sure you talk to her about potty training when the time comes, not yet.

My mum has a supply of pull ups at her house as she can't wrestle my DS into a normal nappy. Like you I send him with a full change bag but she always uses the pull ups (he's 12 months). Used to wind me up, but if it's easier for her then I leave her to it!

It is good of mil helping you out and buying her spare clothes is hardly a bad thing imo. My mil bought DS a stack of clothes after he stayed over for one night, aged 3. He probably only stayed over a handful of times, but she was excited and it'd been years since she'd got to do it. Be grateful.

I'd say let her indulge if she wants to, she says don't send over stocked bag, just check before you send her that you don't need to.

Your MIL spends her day looking after your child for free. If you don’t like what she does pay for nursery like the rest of us have too.
Re pull ups perhaps she finds normal nappies difficult to put on a wriggling toddler so finds them easier to use. Again huge over reaction.

Just be grateful your daughter has a grandma who lives looking after your child.

@Hellothereitsme my daughter does go to Nursery also, I've never said I was unhappy with her care, infact I said I know she cares well for her.

Purely a question over her taking things upon herself that there's no need to but cheers!

She is prob just doting a bit with the clothes and what not, and with the nappies, maybe a mistake or maybe she finds it easier as PP said.

Either way she prob thinks she's doing you a favour by buying her own - I wouldn't think any malice. My MIL did the same when she had ours for a day, despite me sending plenty with him. No biggy.

We certainly switched to pull ups when our little blighter got beyond wriggly at nappy time - prob at about 14 months to be fair.

He was fine at nursery, but just would not lie still for us - could be the same for your MIL.

@Dermymc yes similar, always seems to be the more expensive/better and had to coat also when already had coat/snow suits everytime.

I probably do sound ungrateful, but i just feel like she'd rather do it her way/present her the way she thinks she should :(

My MIL usually has everything she needs when she looks after dc. Clothes, nappies, food and appropriate receptacles. I'm immensely grateful as it means less hassle and expense for us, which is exactly her intention. Your MIL is trying to help you, not undermine or judge your choices.

Yes is it a training pull up or a nappy pull up as it maybe she finds the latter easier

Also it’s likely this is not about you and just she likes buying stuff