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Parenting

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Original poster

At what age would you leave DC unsupervised whilst you slept during the day?

20 replies

EarthwormsAndSnails · 04/01/2018 12:32

I picked up my DSD (5) last Friday from her Mum's house at 1, the step dad took ages to answer (a good 10minutes) he was in his PJ's and barely awake. In the car my DSD mentioned that her Mum and SD had been asleep all day in their bedroom and she's been watching "lots of TV" in the front room.

I normally pick DSD up from school or if it's half term, it's typically early in the morning or late in the afternoon. I don't regularly pick DSD up from their house at mid-day, so I don't know if this is usual.

Me and DP were a little surprised at this and didn't like the idea of DSD being alone all morning until afternoon whilst they slept in a different room. I can understand one of them sleeping and the other being awake or if really need be, one of them nap on the sofa in the same room as DSD so at least they're right there if needed. They also have a 1 year old baby so I understand they'll be tired but they both don't work and they were both home. There have been a few other occasions where it feels like DSD is coming 2nd to the baby and this just felt like another one which is maybe why it bothered me so much.

We haven't mentioned anything as not to cause an hostile atmosphere during pick ups/drop offs.

But it left me wondering if we're just being hyper sensitive? We personally have never left DSD in another room on her own for a prolonged period of time. I've had quick naps on the sofa in the front room with her if she's woken up really early (4/5) and she'll lay with me and wake me up with in 15 minutes asking a question.

And then today, one of my friends on social media, lives with just her DD, posted a picture of her DD (2yrs) smiling at 10am with the caption "just woke up to this, don't know how long she's been awake but what a beautiful sight to wake up to".

What do you think about these two scenarios? Am I being too critical and judgey? What age would you feel comfortable sleeping during the day and leaving your child unsupervised?

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CheapSausagesAndSpam · 04/01/2018 13:24

Not at five!

Never if I'm honest. I have two DC...aged 13 and 9 and only if I were very, very ill would I go to bed when they were up and about.

They don't "need" me but I'm there because it's the daytime!

5 is worryingly young.

Earlyriser84 · 04/01/2018 13:28

I think both scenarios are highly negligent at that age. Anything can happen accident wise.

Awful parenting, and having a one year old baby is no excuse

Makes me sad and angry

Marcine · 04/01/2018 13:29

So had the baby gone down for a nap and parents gone back to bed too while 5yo watched TV? Sounds fine to me.

My 7yo always gets up before me in the mornings, and sometimes both he and 3.5yo are up before me.

I wouldn't be happy about the 2yo alone though.

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ChoudeBruxelles · 04/01/2018 13:31

I used to put a dvd on in the bedroom and sleep while ds watched the film/tv programme when he was really little.

AssassinatedBeauty · 04/01/2018 13:31

Depending on the child, maybe 12 ish and upwards if I knew they were generally reliable. And only if I had a pressing need to sleep such as illness or some other disruption meant that I was exhausted. I'd probably rather doze on the sofa with them though, rather than shut myself off in another room.

Your other example is less of a worry. You don't know exactly when your friend really did wake up, and people tend to endure that their toddlers are secure if they are in a bed they can get out of. So at 2 years old my DS wouldn't have been able to get downstairs or access anything unsafe upstairs if he'd woken before me. He'd just have toddled through to my bedroom and joined me.

Kentnurse2015 · 04/01/2018 13:31

Nope I think 5 is too young to leave alone. I am hoping the baby was at least asleep.

I work nights and late shifts meaning I get very little sleep but I am still always present for my pre school children, just as I would be for any infant or junior children. As they get older it is easier to give them activities to do but I would still be in the same room as them 100%

Earlyriser84 · 04/01/2018 13:32

Mine are only 2 and 3 so i'm not sure what age it is safe to do that. Probably later teenage years. It just doesn't sit right with me staying in bed until that late whilst your children are at home

Marcine · 04/01/2018 13:39

Some of these answers seem a bit extreme to me - 12, 13+? So you'd expect children to get themselves to and from school alone, go to the shops, go out with their friends, but not trust them to be awake in their own home without parental supervision?

riddles26 · 04/01/2018 13:39

Sometimes my one year old just plays quietly in her cot when she wakes up in the morning and we are still asleep. We hear when she starts talking to herself and go to her but I honestly wouldn't know how long she had been awake and playing for before that. Absolutely nothing negligent there - she's safe, warm, clean and happy. Your friends situation sounds just like that.

I wouldn't be happy about the 5 year old either though...

AssassinatedBeauty · 04/01/2018 13:42

It's the fact that you're there, present in the house, but totally ignoring them that is the issue. Walking to school is fine, then they're at school being interacted with by teachers etc. They're not shut in a room on their own watching TV all day at school (well I'd hope not). Someone needs to be at least minimally interacting with them during the day. Especially if they are as young as 5.

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/01/2018 13:42

It also probably depends a lot on the child. 2 year old definitely not, 5 year old maybe for a little while depending on the child/circumstances. However as well as the safety aspect there is also the fact that I wouldn't expect a 5 year old to amuse themselves with no interaction for a whole morning while I lay in my pit.

As a side note to this, I unintentionally dropped off on the sofa while heavily pregnant and my then just turned 1 year old was playing beside me in the livingroom. To this day I have no idea how long I was sleeping, could be anything from a couple of minutes to an hour! . that wasn't intentional and I was in the same room and he was the best behaved child ever. Still think about it now though and he is 17!

At about 5 he was allowed to go downstairs when he woke up at the weekend and put the tv on and eat the brioche and drink the juice carton left out for him. That would be at half 6 and we would get up within the hour. He had a rigid body clock that got him up at the same time every day, at the weekend I cherished the extra hour.

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/01/2018 13:46

I think if I was unwell and had to be in bed sleeping (migraine or whatever) and DC were at home, I'd really only be comfortable doing that if the were about 7 upwards if they were generally compliant children who wouldn't try to cook or run amok. They would obviously be told to wake me in an emergency and I'd set an alarm for an hour or something.

Oblomov18 · 04/01/2018 13:46

Over the Christmas holidays, Dh went to work, Ds1 and Ds2 and I stayed in bed till 11am. 13 and 9. Then they got up and made tea and toast and bought it up to me in bed. So nice.

They spent most of that day playing on their x box.
So, I'm not sure about the posters saying you can't leave a 13 year old.

Mine have been getting up on their own for years.

Marcine · 04/01/2018 13:48

Assassinated - I don't thing taking a nap quite means never interacting with your child.

AssassinatedBeauty · 04/01/2018 13:49

The child said they'd been asleep all day, and indeed they were still in bed when the OP arrived. That sounds longer than a nap to me.

Marcine · 04/01/2018 13:51

They have a 1 year old as well, more likely they were up at the crack of dawn than stayed in bed all day!

AssassinatedBeauty · 04/01/2018 13:55

Maybe the DSD was exaggerating then? Or misunderstood? I'd ask her if she got her own breakfast and lunch as I think at 5 years old someone else ought to be at least supervising that. Especially as they had 2 adults in the house. Even with a non sleeping 1 year old, you have to get on with things and interact with your older child. Sleep deprivations a bitch, but it's just tough.

Theromanempire · 04/01/2018 13:56

Gosh some of these responses seem quite extreme! I often like an afternoon nap and leave my 9 and 11 year old downstairs for a while. I have done this for a couple of years I would say. They know where I am if they need me but I don't see the need to literally sit in the same room as them all the time

No different to the morning when they wake up at 6 and go downstairs for an hour or so before we get up.

However I do agree that 5 is too young and I never did it at that age.

WickedLazy · 04/01/2018 14:06

If ds 6 and I are watching a movie on the couch, I sometimes doze off. He knows to wake me if he wants or needs anything, and always wakes me when the movie is over. He also wakes up before me in the morning, so plays on his ps4 or watches telly until I get up (usually for about half an hour).

Just not bothering to get up in the morning/ forgetting about or letting dc roam unattended all morning and some of the afternoon, isn't right. Sad to think of dsd alone in the living room for hours, with no human interaction until you appeared. Was she still in her pj's when you picked her up? Had she had breakfast and lunch?

SandLand · 04/01/2018 14:09

Mine gave been getting up on a weekend and getting a bowl of cereal and switching the tv on since the were 6 and 4 (I needed a non early start one Saturday, so told them to do it, and left out a cereal bar and carton of juice, I think) and got them to wake me at 7am - note this was a lie in. They were gutted the next morning when they couldn't do the same, so have done this for the past couple of years - and now progressed to toast too. But I'm generally up with them by 7am, and would take less than 10 mins to respond to a shout!

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