Am I wrong about this?

[Dad84]

Firstly I am a dad but please don't hold that against me .
I'm here to ask advice as I feel like I am going mad here because I think my ex wife is doing everything wrong, but she seems to think it's all ok. I am more than happy to accept that I am wrong if you all agree. Anyway...
First things first, I have two sons with my ex and she has custody of one of them, I have the other. This is not a situation that I want, but she refuses to allow them to live with her together, and refuses to allow my other son to live with me. The son who lives with her is 10 years old. She makes him live very independently, which I agree with some parts of, however I think it goes too far. He is made to get himself up for school in the morning, get dressed etc and leave the house alone to take himself to school. During this time she stays in bed so he does not see her at all. He has breakfast at breakfast club then a school dinner, and then after school he has to walk home alone as she will not meet him. He is in year 6 at school.
When he arrives home she stays in her "study" and he is expected to get changed etc and then to amuse himself until either her or her partner emerge to prepare a meal for him. He then takes himself off to his room alone and plays games etc until 10pm when he goes to bed. During the entire day he barely sees either her or her partner.

Second problem, her partner thinks of himself as bear grylls, and is quite in to bush craft and camping. This is a pass time that has been thrust upon my son, who prefers gaming and football. Some weekends, when they aren't too busy, he is taken to the garden and taught to light fires and whittle wood etc. This pass time does not bother me as such, however, they have bought my son two mora knives, and another knife which they have allowed him to keep in his bedroom. For those who don't know, mora knives are extremely sharp whittling knives. I think this is ridiculous for any 10 year old to have a knife collection, but is made worse when my ex has told me in the past my son has got very angry, and gone to the kitchen to get a knife and threaten her or my other son. On top of the knives, they have now bought him an axe which he is allowed to keep in his room, and an air rifle which luckily he is not allowed to keep in his room.

Lastly, my ex goes on holiday, as many times a year as possible on short 2-4 night city breaks, and either leaves my son with her partner, which I find slightly cruel but not too bad, or she takes him out of school and sends him to his nannas which means he looses school time.

Any advice or opinions welcome.

Thanks

The poor boy. He sounds so lonely.

Being independent is one thing, but neglecting your child is quite another - and that's what happening here.

Sounds a very odd situation indeed.

I had a mora knife at that age, as did pretty well every child I knew (Scandinavian upbringing); probably still very common out there. But a happy well adjusted child who gets plenty of attention and has a good reason to own a knife is one thing: an unhappy child who lacks attention and has actually used the knife to threaten a family member is a very different matter.

If you are concerned and you only see him for “some holidays” you need to be there more for him, say we3kds and holidays, or go for full custody. I’d go through the Court rather than speak to relatives or friends about what the Court might, or might not decide.

*weekends

I have him most school holidays. Weekends aren't really doable as he lives 4 hours away and I work in the week so he would only get here Saturday afternoon then would have to leave Sunday lunchtime ish to get himself sorted for school.

I plan to go for custody, especially after hearing today that my opinions are shared by other parents, however I took advice from family, especially they family member who is a social worker, because I need to make sure that when I go to court I have the best chance of winning. The last thing I need is to go to court and lose, for his sake.

Very tricky. Have you other children in your home that makes it crowded? Did she move four hours away after fhe divorce?

I imagine at your ds age, the court would listen to what HE wants to do?

There’s some information here on going for custody, I’d talk to him first though.

Thanks, I will do