o please bare with me, long post coming!
So my son is 8, and me and his dad have been apart since he was 15 months. My decision as he wasn’t doing anything for me or his son and I had enough of being a single parent who’s as supposedly married. Just after his 2nd birthday his D decided to move back to his hometown approximately 4 hours away; his justification was that he could earn more there so would be able to provide more financially. I never particularly agreed with this motive as to me time with his DS was more important but he went ahead anyway.
He was visiting once a month for a weekend Under supervised conditions because of threats to take DS and not bring him back. I had to go down legal routes to sort out custody and visitation and I was granted 100% residential custody; and he had a set visitation schedule. Money was eventually agreed via the CSA as he refused to cooperate to work out a fair amount.
After a while I allowed DS to go to his D to stay and even started making a 12 hour round trip by train every other weekend to take him to his dad at my expense (he brought him back by car) so he could see him more often. After a few weeks he said this was too much for him so could we do holidays only.
I agreed and now he only has visits up there during the holidays.
This is where it gets complicated and I’m debating stopping him going. He has no contact with his son between visits at all. No phone calls. Messages or Skype. When it comes to organising times to go up there etc I don’t hear from him until the last minute and he constantly changes the times etc. He himself has only done the runs to collect/drop off approx 3 times in the last 2 years. His brother normally does it for him as he’s too busy with work! One of the runs he did do, he got my DS up at 3 am and dropped him back just after 6am as it was the only time he could do! Whenever my DS is up there it’s almost impossible for me to have contact with him, he’s passed from pillar to post (admittedly mostly family) and never gets any time with his dad as he’s always working.
Now I understand as a working parent that you can’t take weeks off on end but all I’ve asked for is 1 Day per visit where he takes it off and has some quality one on one time. This never happens. 5 days per year isn’t unreasonable surely?!
This last visit over New Years has been the straw that broke the camels back. He couldn’t get down because of snow (now I know it was bad but his brother got down to visit his family down this way on the very day he was meant to travel so it can’t of been that bad. Then 2 days later and endless ignored messages when he’d said he’d collect he then said he couldn’t again. Thankfully his brother came and got my son and took him up there as he’d been to visit whilst down here and knew how upset DS has been because of not being able to go.
Now this is all a very condensed version of countless problems but I guess my question is AIBU to stop him having his visits up there? All it does is upset my DS when his D is constantly letting him down and I honestly can’t keep on putting our lives on hold waiting for him to decide as and when he wants contact. I’ve been beyond flexible and accepting as I want my DS to have a Dad but I honestly feel like it’s hving a more negative impact.
Any advice would be helpful; and will answer any questions. Thanks!