13 month old terrified of baths/showers

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When DD was very small she wasn't too fussed on baths, bordering on stressed by them (though she would tolerate them), so by the time she was three months old, we just started taking her in the shower with us. She cried the first time, but then acclimated to it very quickly. I wouldn't describe her as thrilled being in there, but she was calm and would sometimes demonstrate some interest in the spray or the shower curtain.

She's now 13 months old and over the past few months she's become more and more upset at going into the shower. It started with her grizzling a bit, but now she actively howls the whole way through and tries to climb away (which, when we're both wet and slippery, is obviously a worry). She behaves the same way whether it's me or DH that takes her in.

We decided she'd clearly decided she no longer liked the shower so tried to reintroduce baths. She hated the toddler bath. Tried putting her in with me, in case having a hug and a slow introduction to the water would help. No dice. She'll happily stand at the side of the bath and play with the water with her hands, but put her in it - even just standing up to her ankles, and she starts acting like the bath will kill her.

Seriously, it's not a tantrum or strop - it's different to when she's shrieking because I won't let her have something. She's acting genuinely afraid. She tries to climb out immediately and with absolute focus. There's not a second she's not focused on escape. She's managed to leverage her whole body half over the side of the bath - a feat of strength I haven't seen her manage elsewhere and I can only imagine is adrenaline. She's hysterical with tears the entire time and it takes about ten minutes to calm her down.

We're basically at the point where I don't feel I can try again and be sure she won't twist out of my grasp and manage to fall and hurt herself (she's strong and large for her age). It's also well past the point of feeling cruel.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to keep her clean?

I can sponge bath her body, but she has a LOT of hair that needs to be properly washed, ideally at least once a week, which will involve at least a few minutes in the shower or a bath.

I'm really not sure what to do.

Perhaps you need to re-set her fear alarms. You could try by changing her association with the bath...

I would sit her in an empty bath with something new...a fascinating toy or even a nice snack. And whilst she sat there, I'd do some cleaning nearby in the same room. I'd also play some music and dance and sing happily.

I'd keep doing that for a few days...once a day...so she learns the bath isn't bad.

Then I'd introduce a bowl of water in the bath...just sitting there with a duck in it.

Then, I'd turn the tap on a light drop...and go from there to having an inch of water in it.

I wouldn't attempt to wash her in it at all for a good while...until you're sure she's let go of the fear.

Her hair will be fine if you sponge it and brush it well. Use a bit of baby shampoo and water on her sponge, wipe her hair over and then brush it...and wipe it again with plain water.

do that in a different room.

My Dd also started hating baths around the same age, becoming very afraid. She was being bathed in a normal sized bath.

We still had her baby bath and I would put it in the main bath and sit her in it empty, then I would gradually fill it up with a measuring jug whilst she was in the baby bath and let her help empty the measuring jug over her body. You don’t really need much water for a quick wash. We did this for about a month and gradually she would get into the baby bath when water was already in it. After a while she would get into the normal bath. She is now 14 and has no fear of water or baths or showers and I can’t explain where the fear came from!

Dd suddenly became afraid of the bath at a similar age, having loved them previously.

After a lot of trial and error we worked out that she was scared of the plug and of not being able to see what was under the bubbles. So we stopped using bubble bath and I hid the plug under a big toy. Eventually she was fine again and now she enjoys baths and the plug and bubbles don’t bother her.

Obviously it may not be the plug or bubbles but it may be something very small or specific bothering her. If you can work out what that is through trying things one by one then maybe it can be sorted

Something about the whole experience had upset her in the past. Had a problem with my DD. She loved baths as a baby, she wouldn’t mind the shower on either. We got a new shower, it was louder and powerful and it started this massive fear of even going on the bathroom.

We couldn’t avoid bath time. She’s a grubby little miss when eating, playing etc. So we just got in with her. She screamed at first and for a week or so but she slowly rebuilt her trust in us and the bath and now happily bathes again!

Try a sink bath?

Have you tried putting her in a swimsuit (and you) for a bit? I was recommended this by a nanny and it was surprisingly effective.

What about getting one of those shower attachment that goes on the bath taps, get some toys in an empty bath and let her wash them, after a few days sit her in the bath with the toys to wash them, and try gradually moving on to showering herself with it?

Hi OP
You have my sympathies! My youngest child did this exact thing at that age. I was worried that the neighbours would think we were murdering him and call the police with the noise he made! We really did try everything we could think of but in the end I think there was a period of time that he didn’t have anything other than a sponge bath for 6 months. He’s a five year old now who loves the bath.
I think by stopping the bath completely for a while he forgot that he was afraid of it. As he got older, his speech and understanding came a long quickly and he clicked one day that there was nothing to be afraid of. I hope this time come quickly for you and your dc

Thanks guys - I appreciate knowing I'm not alone in this, at least! I agree something must have previously upset her, but I can't imagine what it was. Our routine never changed until she started hating it. Oh well, nothing to do but try and deal with it.

I think I'll just have to see if I can sponge her hair and retreat from the bath for a while. I do like the idea of reintroducing it to her slowly. I put her in the bath in her clothes with no water or anything and she happily cruised up and down holding on to the edge of the tub. So she's not afraid of the bath as a physical object and she doesn't avoid the bathroom or anything. So that's a positive at least.

I'll try to let her play in the dry bath this week and then see about slowly introducing a little bit of water into the environment next week maybe...

Thanks for all the ideas, guys.

How's it going?