Hello everyone,
I'm writing this post as I'm really struggling with an on-going situation between myself, my partner and his parents.
Just for a bit of background information: I fell pregnant quite quickly into my relationship with my partner and hadn't really speant time with his parents. All I knew of them was what he told me: that he believed they borderline abused him when he was younger and that, to this day, he is still frightened of them that he doesn't go against anything they say.
I've witnessed my partners mother put him down, belittle him, blackmail him and make him feel so frightened to do something that he won't do it, and it makes me feel so heartbroken for him and very uneasy about being around them.
Since I've been pregnant I've spent a bit more time with my partners parents and, as lovely as they come across to me, there is always trouble: arguments, fights, too much alcohol being consumed etc, that since having my two children I am reluctant to let them go to any family events.
About 6 months ago I found out that my partners mother has served a prison sentence for stabbing another person. Now, this apparently happened around 15-20 years ago but it scares me so much that I won't allow our children to be left alone in her care, at all. I would like to point out that, although this happened years ago, she has been known to be violent, as does my partner's farther, and have hit family members since I've know them.
There are other issues that concern me with regards to my partners parents: the mother has a very racist outlook on life, both parents believe a woman's role is very 1950s and have already shared their unhappiness that I am/was a career girl. They are also very open about their decision to not abide by the law (I'm talking stealing, not paying council tax, racking up debt in other people's names etc) and have started to try to influence our children with their own views, regardless of my partner and I asking them not too.
They also ignore what me, and occasionally my partner, decide when bringing up our children and this doesn't help matters at all. Not even a month ago my partners mother told me partner that she is his mother and he abides to what she says, at all times. Unfortunately for our children and me, he does!!
My partner and I have spent the last two years or so arguing because I refuse to let our children be babysat by his parents. I honestly believe that there is a safeguarding issue here and, although the parents haven't hurt our children personally, I worry night and day that one day they might.
Am I over-reacting?! Do you think that I should ignore the prison sentence and believe that 'she has changed' or am I right in still being weary of her? I cannot go on arguing with my partner but as his life is so committed to pleasing his parents, and he is very unwilling to remove himself from what I feel is an abusive situation, I fear that I will wake one day to find that he has taken our children to his parents house, against my wishes and concerns for their safety!
Please help as this situation is eating me alive and I don't know what to do for the best. I want to keep my children safe but at the same time I don't want my partner to unhappy.
Please help xx