What if you clash with your dc?

[malificent7]

Love dd but we fight all the time. She is 9 and most of my requests are met with resistance or a strop.
Requests are not unreasonable eg..please tidy your things, eat at thetable, come to shops.

I feel irs a vicious circle...i dont enjoy parenting so she picks up on itand plays up and i dobt enjoy the result!!!

Sometimes i enjoy it but is not long before we clash.

I clash with my ds 17 (eldest of 4) Have done for years. But What I say goes. I don’t really care if he’s not happy with the house rules. But I do make an effort to take some one to one time with him(cinema , shopping or coffee shops) so we have some positives and have a nice chat.

The trick is not to take anything personally.
When mine were that age and I was fed up of all their 'attitude', I'd remind myself (on an hourly loop some days) that number one: this too shall pass and number two: its a perfectly normal aspect of child development to learn to challenge other peoples opinions , rules and regulations.
I read somewhere that it sets them up for developing successful relationships in adult life both professionally and personally and help them become fully functioning grown ups who know how to negotiate and compromise having learned those skills at their mother's knee.
Practise a chilled yet determined smile!

9-12 are the hell years. Brace yourself. Don't take it personally and pick your battles.

I feel your pain, 10yr old dd here and the strops and attitude, to me and her younger sister, are doing my head in. We battle daily over any number of things. I’m tired and often feel like I’m failing. Trying to find time to do things she wants too and to ignore the small stuff. Sorry really no help at all, just letting you know you’re not alone.

I agree with pallasathena. I find it is useful to remind myself that this is an entirely normal (although annoying) stage of development and it’s up to me to be the adult and stay calm.

Eg I ask her to tidy her things. She has a strop and says she doesn’t want to. I don’t get angry (I save that for the bigger things!) or tell her that she is lazy or naughty. I just keep saying calmly but insistently that she needs to tidy up her things.

My DC are 8, 10 and 12 btw.

Also, unless this is more serious than your post implies, I wouldn’t even describe this as clashing with your DC! It’s just normal parent / child interaction. Maybe it will help if you try to stop thinking of this as more serious than it is?

The same here. Ds is 9 and daily life is a battle. It's exhausting and the effort to keep calm is huge.
Getting him out & active helps (and cuts potential arguing time) and reducing his access to computer games to an hour a day helps a bit too.
But It's really hard work

I always clashed with my eldest ( now 14), my mum said we were like two pieces of sandpaper, rubbing each other up in the wrong way . We were actually really close but just couldn’t deal with each other! Things do get better though, we’ve come through the other side ok