I'm Cracking Up

[Ftm2015]

I feel like this post is going to make me sound like a crazy person.
I'm a first time mum to a now 2 year old. Since his birth I have been trough various stages of extreme anxiety and worry about him. I do suffer from general anxiety. I take Citolopram and have been for over a year. But it seems that recently I'm going downhill again in terms of worry anxiety stress and feeling quite depressed.
I hate the winter months. I love Christmas but I hate the dark mornings and dark nights. Last winter I wen through a tough time with anxiety because my lb had been poorly on and off although nothing serious. This year similar has happened where he has had ailments from colds to ear infections since October. He had a sickness bug on Christmas Eve and I am also have emetophobia...so my anxiety has gone through the roof since then. He also struggles to sleep in his own bed on and off...so that also stresses me out. I'm worried about him watching too much tv. I'm worried that he gets bored and needs entertaining all the time. I just worry about so much stuff! I'm so tired of worrying. I'm tired of stressing about everything. Right now I'm on my own at home without my partner and my lb hasn't fallen asleep so I'm really stressing that he will be up all night or be sick or something.
I can't live like this anymore. I'm sick of it. I don't know what to do! I've tried CBT and I'm on medication already so I don't know what else to do?!
Please any advice welcome. I feel like I can't talk to my partner as I will sound crazy! X

I suggest going back to you doctor asap and telling him how you feel. There is stronger forms of citalopram and other drugs you can try.

Also try deep breaths and being positive. I know easier said than done!

But youve got this :) your little boy loves you and it sounds like your doing fine. Just love him and the rest will fall in to place xxx

So you have any other mums to spend time with? Friends?

I do have a few mum friends yes I try and spend as much time with them as possible.

I do think I need to go back to the doctor I agree as the medication is obviously not working or I may need stronger until the time comes where the mornings and nights start to get lighter and I start to feel better.
Thanks xx

It sometimes helps to start a new daily routine such as keeping a diary or journal and at the end of each day, entering five positive things that have happened that day with a short comment on how each small positive made you feel.
After journaling for a week to ten days, you'll begin to find the anxiety receding as your focus shifts from what goes wrong, what's making you anxious and upset, to what is going right and what is making you proud of yourself.
If you can re-focus, if you can shift your perception from 'a glass half empty', to 'a glass half full', you'll find more peace, tranquility and control over your anxiety.
We become anxious out of fear and because we fear losing control. We also fear being inadequate, of not coping, of not understanding how to be a new mum.
Society has such high expectations of mothers. New mothers especially. Its perfectly normal to feel exhausted, inadequate, overwhelmed and anxious when faced with the enormous responsibility of caring for a young child.
You have the gift of a beautiful baby who, when he looks into your eyes needs to see the one person in the world who will love, protect, fight tigers if necessary for him.
You are that person...you just haven't realised it yet.

I agree with going back to the GP and trying some of the things suggested already suggested. I’d also have a look at an app called Insight Timer. It has guided meditations of various lengths. I’ve stared doing just 10 minutes a day and it has really helped me to relax. Is there also a local Yoga class you could try?

What is it about the dark mornings and nights that you are struggling with? Could you plan to do some nice things in the dark, apart from the obvious? How about taking a short moonlit walk with your DS or having a candlelit meal with your DH once a week where you can chat and just enjoy a meal together when your DS is in bed.

If he’s not always reliable in his own bed, I think this is normal. In most cultures such small people would still be sleeping with their parents and not expected to sleep in a dark room alone. If his sleep is bothering you though, have a read of the No Cry sleep Solution for Toddlers and preschoolers.

Let us know how you get on

Thanks all. I've started a journal and I've made a plan to try and address the night waking and wanting to sleep with me and am positive to make it work xx