What do you do with your 11 month old? Please help

[Prusik]

Long story short - had a roller coaster with Ds with lots of minor illness. Largely seems to have been resolved due to a change in diet. It's been draining as I've spent a lot of time helping him when he's sick and when he's well I just tend to leave him to play as the relief at getting a break is just really needed. He's happy to play independently.

I just feel that now he's feeling better he needs more of me. More stimulation, more focus on his development and more attention less of me on my phone.

How can I crack this? His physical needs are well catered for and right now we're sat on the floor while he plays with his cars. I'm nearly 36 weeks pregnant but doing ok. He's a sparky kid not a boast, I think all babies are so bloody clever but I just think he doesn't get enough input.

I try to go to the library on a Friday for rhyme time and book change but that's dropped lately because he's been so very poorly (I have another thread on this) and then Christmas. Then on a Wednesday we go to baby sign which he loves. I hope to continue these two things when baby number two arrives but it's just the day to day stuff he needs more of.

So as not to drip feed, in my area I don't qualify for mental health support apart from meds as I don't want to harm myself or my baby but gp and midwife are keeping an eye. I'm generally ok though, just distracted.

Any simple things you do around the home that I can start embedding? I'm a loving but distant mum and that's not what I want to be

You don't sound distant to me. Your ds is happy, and at 11 months he would let you know if he wasn't. You seem to be doing plenty.
I'd just make sure he has interactive toys like a xylophone or things that bounce or respond to his touch. He sounds fine.
Congratulations on the impending baby

You sound like you are doing absolutely fine to me. I also have an 11 month old, and I'm 26 weeks pregnant, and we have a similar routine to you. DD goes to rhyme time and swimming lesson in the week, she also sees a few of her baby friends. The rest of the time at home is spent with her playing with her teddies and toys whilst I watch her, play with her, and attempt some kind of housework.

It sounds like you are putting too much pressure on yourself. You are doing fine!

I'm 15 weeks pregnant with an 11 month old (should we start a club? )

She is very happy to play by herself so I let her. If she comes to me I interact with her but I don't otherwise enforce it on her. I'm doing a lot of repeating her babbling sounds back at her at the moment which she seems to enjoy.

We go to playgroup once a week which she loves, and baby sensory up until now but really she's outgrowing it.

She's quite happy playing with toys and boxes and stuff left over from Christmas and stuff at the moment so other than keeping her clean, fed and warm, and putting her down for naps I don't feel the need to intervene.

@pastabest...yes I think a survival club is in order 😉

Sounds like you’re doing a wonderful job! All he wants and needs is for you to show that you enjoy his company, which you clearly do!

If you want to try some other activities, I have a 10 month old and recently he has enjoyed playing with a ‘treasure basket’ I put together of lots of different balls I could find around the house. Some were his toys, cat toys, tennis ball, beach ball etc. Then just shove in a box/basket and give it to him! You can make a treasure basket of anything, random bits and pieces you have lying around/from the £1 shop. Of course, you just have to supervise more closely that you might when he’s playing with baby toys. I have a mini suitcase box from The Works so everything goes away when I need him to play independently.
He’s also very happy playing with a metal colander, a whisk, some measuring spoons etc from the kitchen drawers. If you fancy making a bit of mess, chuck in some dry rice too and he can have fun mainly spreading it all over the floor scooping and pouring it. Don’t panic - you’re doing great!

Singing and dancing together - stick a CD on and dance or do nursery rhymes like wheels on the bus together

Let's indeed make a club You're all slightly less mental than me as DS doesn't turn one for another week and a half and I'm so close to dropping it's unreal!

So I literally don't need to do anything with him other than I'm doing? I feel like I spend my life not really doing much with him. I guess when I observe some other Mum's. I'm friends with an amazing Mum who sings, tickles, laughs, plays, interacts, reads....the list is endless. I know it's genuine, she enjoys her baby.

I guess I feel like I spend my life either doing laundry or messing around on my phone. DS is hard work - he's got an independent streak and is very strong willed. A lovely, affectionate boy but jesus christ he is really not easy going. I sometimes wonder if he'd be happier if I gave him more stimulation

If you're distant then I must be invisible to my DS

I dont do swimming lessons, I don't do library books, I don't do baby groups and I definitely don't sit on the floor playing cars with my toddler. They don't know how to play at that age OP I really wouldn't worry. I don't understand this new thing of having to entertain your babies from the day they're born up until they're in high school, nobody really does that do they? 3 baby classes a day plus sensory time at home followed by 20 books and an educational card game? I haven't met one person who has done more than 2 classes a week and every child I know is developing fine. Don't beat yourself up OP, you are doing fine.

@ProseccoMamam you talk sense - tbf I was actually playing on my phone while he was playing with cars . The library books is something I really try to force myself to do but more often than not, I don't. We just don't really have any board books at home and can't afford to buy any so borrow them from the library

What stage is he at in regards to walking Pru?

DD started walking at 8.5 months and from that point on didn't really need me for entertainment as she could make her own. I've noticed at playgroup that it's only the babies that can't move as much that get a bit fed up with being ignored.

Because at playgroup I don't see anyone performance parenting their babies, honestly we just let them go whilst we drink tea, eat biscuits and mildly intervene in any toddler spats or sicking up. So don't feel guilty because I reckon that what you are doing is what nearly all of us are doing based on my limited playgroup observations

If I get down in the floor with DD to play with her she either looks at me like this or tries to stick her finger up my nose before wandering off to something more interesting.

Totally agree with @prosecco...whilst I don't doubt that there are some mum's who are a one stop entertainment machine, I don't think this is the norm, and it certainly isn't me. I take DD to classes for myself, to get out, to meet other mum's etc.

Babies need very little in reality...they are learning all the time in ways we can understand.

ah you ladies are awesome! I feel so much better!!

He's a confident cruiser and reluctant to take those first steps. Can stand unaided but rarely bothers. I was expecting him to walk at around 10 months as he was looking ready at 9 months but has just kind of carried on his merry way. He can, however, climb the stairs and climb onto the sofa

Toddler groups are worth trying when the baby arrives. A retired lady will almost certainly volunteer to hold the baby and there'll be lots of new and exciting toys for the toddler!

Just chatting to him is fine, I used to do a running commentary for dd1. By dd2 I was bored of my own voice so she has had a much quieter life

Do you have any local children and family centres? My DC loves groups of children and it helps with his development as he watches other children do things and then tries to copy.

Baby yoga sounds pretentious but mine loves it, it was his absolute favourite class and we're picking it up again in June when I have had DC2. Lots of moving and helping them be more aware of their bodies and what they can do.

I think toddler groups might be the way to go.

We have no local surestart centres or anything which is such a shame. DS hated baby yoga . He found all the chilling out frustrating - he's more a soft play/cause havoc/pull all the toys out kind of 11 month old

Sounds like your DS and my DD would get on Pru

Last playgroup before Christmas she pushed a 2.5 year old over and stole his tractor she then tipped a whole box of duplo over moments after it had been tidied away.

Our Christmas tree only has baubles left on it above 11month old eyesight height. Only bauble string remains below that point because apparently tying them on really tightly doesn't actually prevent said 11 month old removing the bauble from the bauble holder.

Like I said... she makes her own entertainment.

I have an 11 month old as well and we try to go out everyday because I get a bit stir crazy at home!
I also used to play on my phone a lot but now DS just pulls it out of my hands and throws a strop if I take it away I’m so bored with having to stare at him playing all day

Good luck with no 2!

@pastabest I have the problem that Ds is more like the height of an 18 month old thanks to his dad being 6ft7

I have a 11 month old. I interact with him throughout the day, but mostly it is watching him and reflecting back, like "oh you are climbing/bouncing/running" (he is very active...) Today we played a game of taking turns banging on a box and whooshing him through the air over and over. He lasted about 5-10 minutes with that and then he moved on to destroying something the next game. His attention span is short. He doesn't play with toys; prefers getting into cupboards and eating paper. All normal, afaik! He is happy and healthy, hitting development milestones.

Cut yourself some slack, op! This is a hard age due to that tiny attention span and lack of spacial awareness. You are doing just fine.

My baby yoga class was not a chilling sort of class! Started off saying hello to all the babies before moving on to chucking them around and turning them upside down! It was totally exhausting for me but he loves it.