Hi Davros
I should start by saying that I am not anti-adoption - I?m an adoptive parent and an adoptee and also have biological children. But I honestly think that your idea to adopt a child (with a troubled past and an unknown family and medical background) to avoid having another child with special needs is misguided.
If you adopt you won?t get a baby at all (I think you MAY be able to adopt a baby of a few months from Guatemala, but that?s all). Most other countries the youngest child you will get is about one year. Whether in the Uk or abroad, it is extremely unlikely that you would have all the information on the child?s medical and family history. Even if the agency has information on family members, they will not give it to you on grounds of confidentiality. Rates of learning difficulties, attachment disorder and emotional and behavioural problems in adopted children are FAR FAR higher.
As you probably know, because you are in you 40s and have bio kids you could only adopt a child with special needs in the UK. Unless these were very profound needs, you would probably not get a child under school age. You would certainly not get a young healthy child ? there are few of them and they are placed with childless married couple in their 20s or early 30s.The only exception to this is if you are black (I mean the social services definition or black which is the rather racist (IMHO) definition of non-white).
The difference in overseas adoption is not that it?s trickier than adopting in the Uk. It?s more expensive. But the main difference is that there are more children available and so you do not face all the restriction you do here, on such things as the age of the child or parents. Most people who adopt overseas do so because they are considered unsuitable by social services to adopt a baby or young child here ? usually because they are over 40, have two or more bio kids, are co-habiting (rather than married), single or are a same sex couple.
I would advise you to find out everything you can about adoption before committing yourselves. Whether you adopt in the Uk or overseas, you have to go through the same procedures and be approved by an adoption agency (usually social services but as you obviously know, there are private agencies too). This process is very long (about two years or more from your first enquiry to having all the paperwork ready to go overseas), stressful and expensive (you will have to pay for a home study if you adopt from overseas, plus your agency and in country costs).
If you want to adopt from overseas I suggest you contact OASIS, a parent run organisation of overseas adopters. They have a helpline 0870 241 7069. Its run by volunteers on a rota. Website is here www.adoptionoverseas.org/
You will find information about the different countries e.g. who can adopt in terms of age and family type, types of children available, timescales and cost. The costs can be very high ? about £20,000 for Russia. I think Romania is now closed. Countries can close to UK adopters at any time, even once you have been in process for several years. Cambodia has just closed.
If you are thinking of adopting from a county where children have been in an orphanage or hospital, such as many Chinese children, Thailand or Russia, you should check out the Parent Network for the post institutionalised Child. They are here www.pnpic.org/
As a parent of a child with autism you will read of many familiar problems.
If you change your mind and want to adopt in the Uk you should contract Adoption Uk. Their website is here www.adoptionuk.org/
Sorry, don?t mean to rain on your parade. But adoption is far far longer, harder and more stressful than having a biological child and I you should be prepared for the fact that you could go through it all and could end up with a child who has severe difficulties.