Husband not interested in me and baby / feeling lonely

[Lovelyivy]

Hello, this is my first post on here ever. I met my husband just over a year ago. We got pregnant really quick. He is 32 and we have 8months old baby. I feel extremely lonely. He doesn't talk much and doesn't want to do anything with me. I go out for walk with baby almost every day and ask him if he wants to join. His reply is no, because he doesn't like walking. I ask him if he wants to go lunch. He says no he ate....only thing we do together is watching TV. This Christmas I ended up crying because we went to spend it with my family and he was just sitting there completely bored on his phone and completely ruined the atpmosphere(we tried to talk to him, entertained him). We left my family right after dinner even I was excited about it for month and wanted to stay till late or even morning. He goes out with his friends quiet often and always seems to be in good mood and have fun. I am so depressed and lonely

Would you consider going it alone? I don't think it will improve to be honest.

It sounds like you'd be better off without him.
Having a baby is a big life change and I'm guessing he wasn't ready for it. Some people step up when they need to... he isn't.

At the very least you need to tell him how you're feeling.
If you've done that to no avail then cut your losses

I told him how I feel couple times but he always change for few days and then it's done and everything is back to "normal". No conversation, no interest. Even when he comes from work ...he doesn't even says hello and go straight to kitchen to eat and do his own thing ...

It sounds like you're basically living separate lives already.

Don't waste your time with someone who isn't interested in you.

Oh no this sounds awful. He just isnt interested. Are you married? I know you said husband but did you just say that for ease or are you actually married?

You barely know Him and as you are getting to know him youre realising he isnt any good for you. Can you go home to your parents?

Yep. Baby within 1 year of meeting him. Sorry but you and the baby are not what he wanted. This is what he's trying to tell you. Cut your losses and move on without him.

Sorry to hear that lovely but it sounds like you need to make 2018 about you and your baby. As per PP, cut your losses and move on.

Its unfortunate more difficult. I'm not from UK. Moved here only 2years ago and before maternity leave I worked at hotel as a receptionist - so not a best job. The only family I have here is my sister and she lives in 1bed flat with her husband. So I have nowhere to go to. I guess I'm stuck here at least until my child is old enough to get nursery hours. I also live in London so it's crazy expensive and I can't afford to leave . Desperate situation

Do you want to repair your relationship?

Think long and hard about what you do want, then make a plan to try for it.

You can go to Relate on your own and they will let you talk about things. I am sorry you feel so alone, but he may just be experiencing shock at how fast things have changed.

Yes we are married . I always wanted a full family. Didn't expect us to be like this! He was really quiet from the beginning but he cared..he was really affectionated and he showed a lot of interest so I just jumped in it 😢 I'm also 30 so I really wanted to keep the baby and definitely not regretting that

Can you move back to your home country? Do you have family there?

That would be really tricky. My husband would have to agree (he is on birth certificate). I have only mum and she lives in studio flat with her partner. There is no jobs and my child is half black (my country is white and racist). I do want to stay here. I am determined to stay for 1more year and try to fix it (I gained weight maybe he would be more interested in me if I lose it or when my boy will be older )

Talk to him LovelyIVY
Sit him down and make a meal, and talk, don't' shout or argue, and just ask him what you can do to make things better. then wait for him to answer.
I think he feels trapped by the reality of parenthood, but you can remind him that all his friends will soon catch up with him,and start families, and your child will be that bit older.
Also your child is at the age where soon it will be able to move and interact more, which helps as well, as you will have someone too chat too.
Join some baby clubs and things like that, so you have females to chat too.

Thank you mummmy2017 I still hope we can somehow fix it. Unfortunately I keep sitting down and talking about it all the time. My husband says I'm not doing anything wrong and it's him. Im definitely giving it time. I will keep trying to reach out to him and start saving money on the side in case we won't work it out.

Is it possible HE has Post Natal depression? People are sometimes so worried about mummies, no one ever checks the Dad? This could be the source of the problem? Xx

people are sometimes so worried about mummies, no one ever checks the dad

Christ can we not even have childbirth as something that affects us more than the poor, poor menz?!

Ok, as you keep talking to him and he says no it's OK it's him.
Then you do need to change the talking bit.
I think he has the baby blues....
He is acting a bit like a teenager with the phone bit, and he isn't talking, so he is finding the change in life difficult. maybe you need to back off a bit and find a way to make yourself happier, so he can see he is missing out and decide he wants to rejoin in with life.
What about cooking some cakes, and a movie, that makes you smile.
Sometimes if you change your own outlook and stop worry about someone else's happiness, things can start to look better, and in improving your own outlook things just click.