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Parenting

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Original poster

Just need some reassurance I'm doing this parenting right after my friend seems to be "perfect mum"

19 replies

Sofshiz · 23/12/2017 22:46

I have two beautiful girls 3 and 1. I (like all mums) feel I do my absolute best to be the best mum I can be but I always doubt myself massively whenever I see this one friend. They live a very, dare I say strange life of no TV, kids only allowed to play with education toys such as brain games and board games. Kids 4 and 2 aren't aware of Disney characters, are told to imagine things like kitchen sets and dress ups and they are only allowed to eat dark chocolate once a week. I'm highlighting some of the weird extreme things here and I'm not saying my kids eat chocolate and watch tv all day. I believe in a balance and we have a normal life. I put importance on reading, playing with and loving my kids so they feel secure and loved. Sometimes this means I'm too nice and older daughter gets away with more than she should. My friends kids freeze and shake in their shell if she tells them to stop doing something (or do something) and she has full control of them and their behaviour. I've never seen them tantrum, or misbehave and they cry and get upset when they get told off.

She reads every parenting book out there and every part of her parenting is done by science and calculated research.

I can't help feel like crap whenever we go over or they come around and feel like I've raised my kids wrong because they can have tantrum, don't always listen to me and forget to say please and thank you occasionally.

Now everyone my kids do something "wrong" like not tidy their toys or do what I ask them to do, I feel I should have been more strict like her. I'm not a walk over and we have rules too, they're just more normal rules like eating until you feel full or having options. She sets timers for her kids who have to finish their whole meal regardless of feeling full or not.

No sure what I'm getting at. Just pissed off with this "perfect mum" and her "perfectly behaved kids".

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Christmascheerful · 23/12/2017 22:49

I wouldn't want to parent like that AT ALL

Who said she's perfect? IMHO she sounds shit tbh what's good about her style? I can't think of anything...

BackforGood · 23/12/2017 22:51

You have a strange idea of 'perfect'.
That certainly isn't something I would be aspiring to.
Sounds a pretty sad existence for the dc, to me.

user1471451564 · 23/12/2017 22:52

That sounds like such a sad life for those children. Carry on as you are. Don't compare. If your children are happy and you are happy with your children and how they act/react then that's all you need to focus on. One families reality does not have to reflect your own nor should it. We all parent differently. Maybe distance yourself from this friend if you find yourself unsettled with your family dynamic after being around her/them.

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EvaBlu · 23/12/2017 22:52

The thing is you are fretting about your parenting style and simultaneously judging hers. You sound like you don’t really approve of her approach and I bet you’d hate it if she wrote about your parenting on the internet in a similar tone.

She’s doing her best, you are doing your best. If you are friends then support each other though it and have a laugh. If you can’t do that then stop being “friends”.

Eryri1981 · 23/12/2017 22:53

Sounds a lot like my mother was with me. I have required a fair bit of counseling as an adult and have always battled with my weight, due to not being able to gauge/stop when full. Was bullied at school, ostracised as I often didn't know what they were talking about in terms of popular TV shows etc.

Your friend sounds like a tyrant to me.

ijustwannadance · 23/12/2017 22:56

Leave her to it. Sounds utterly miserable, poor kids.
They'll be on here in 20 years asking if they ABU going NC with their mother.

Runningoutofusernames · 23/12/2017 23:07

You've not said a word about her in any way being rude to you, but you've called her strange and implied she terrifies her children while you are 'too nice', 'believe in balance' and are more 'normal'. You are not the same as her, your kids are not the same as her kids, you are both working very hard to do what you think is best for your families. My family is far more like yours than like hers, but you're the one who's coming across as judgy here.

If you think something she's doing is working then why not ask her for a book suggestion or something from her research - saves you the trouble! Or if not, then stop being so mean to your supposed friend and stay in your own lane.

GaryBarlowsTaxReturn · 24/12/2017 10:14

You come across as very judgemental op. And not particularly pleasant seeing you are slagging off your mate who ostensibly hasn't done anything wrong apart from being a bit strict by the sounds of things. I don't really see anything wrong in what you've described about her parenting & I happily let my little boy eat chocolate and watch tv. Everyone parents differently. The trick is to be secure in the choices you have made and then others won't bother you so much.

thethoughtfox · 24/12/2017 13:20

You had me thinking she was a 'perfect mum' till you said she forced them to eat and clear their plates. That is not good for them and it is storing up problems for the future.

Gindrinker43 · 24/12/2017 13:25

And they will leave home and never come back as soon as they can!

Petalflowers · 24/12/2017 13:30

Her kids are probably envious of you! Her lifestyle doen't sound perfect, but stifling. The kids actually sound scared of their mum.

youarenotkiddingme · 24/12/2017 13:36

You may think she's the perfect Mum.

She may think she's a perfect mum.

Her kids probably don't think they have the perfect childhood - by a long shot

AnaisB · 24/12/2017 13:41

You sound like you’re judging her a lot. I don’t believe you see her as anywhere near perfect. It feels like you just want some reassurance, but have gone about it by slagging her off.

malificent7 · 27/12/2017 21:00

I would judge her too op.

yummyeclair · 27/12/2017 22:11

As long as you and your kids are happy there is no need to be perfect and certainly not to other peoples standards. Trust yourself !

StealthPolarBear · 27/12/2017 22:13

Yes that was a judge post dressed up as faux inferiority. Yiu want a load of posts slagging her off.

Believeitornot · 27/12/2017 22:14

She sounds like she might be incredibly anxious hence all the reading and introducing ridiculous rules.

She might wish she could be more relaxed but takes comfort from the rigidity and rules.

ruleshelpcontrolthefun · 27/12/2017 22:24

I think I'm a brilliant mum tbh. My DC are happy, as am I. They know all the Disney/NickJr/cbeebies characters. They eat too much chocolate. Sometimes I ignore them so I can play on my phone. I also take them to swimming lessons, read to them every night, play board games with them and do lots of craft stuff with them. I shout too much and I'm a mardy cow at times but I talk to them and I listen to them and they aren't frightened of me. I try my best most of time. Brilliant mum. I'm sure you are too.

InDubiousBattle · 27/12/2017 22:34

I agree with Stealth, I don't think you genuinely believe her to be perfect at all.

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