What should I expect from husband?

[lulu12345]

I’m 38 weeks pregnant with my 2nd DC and my husband has turned into a sulky teenager about over the last few months. This happened last time too but I foolishly thought he’d be better prepared this time.

He said last night that he had only gone along with it cos I wanted a 2nd child and he didn’t, he’s “fed up” with the impact on his life (pretty minimal so far) and just wants things to “go back to normal”. Suspect he’s referring to me sleeping in spare room (as up and down all night) and being a bit naggy with him this weekend.

He was pretty useless with our first DC until I went back to work after 9 months, at which point he suddenly stepped up and now does pretty much half of everything.

He really has done bugger all to help prepare for this baby. If we have a repeat of my last mat leave then he’ll avoid the home as much as possible (working late, having “essential” Work dinners, golf/football etc at weekend) and do the absolute bare minimum with the children.

The reality is that he’s just bored by babies and toddlers and he sees me being on maternity leave as a good excuse to massively reduce his share of the load.

My question is, has anyone else been through a similar situation and can you offer any advice on how to cope / improve it??

Nagging really really didn’t work last time! Even attempts at rational discussion descended into arguments. Should I just accept this as a temporary irritation and backfill the role I’d like from him with other family and paid help? How do you get your head around the massive unfairness when you’re broken from tiredness and boredom??

I don't have any advice I'm afraid just wanted to sympathise. I'm 20 wks pregnant with number 2 and utterly fed up with DH not doing enough. He does the absolute bare minimum so that I don't get really, really mad but never takes the initiative to do anything, never actively gives me a break 'just because'. He hasnt actually been alone with DS since last October! His alone time is absolutely his alone time. Mine is non-existent. He doesn't seem to take into account that I'm pregnant and exhausted and miserable and his life is very much about him, his work, and a slight nod to DS. I'm quite far down the pecking order.

If I ever complain DH suggests more paid help (we have a cleaner but he suggests a mother's help type role). I appreciate we're lucky enough to afford that but the issue I have is that he basically wants to pay someone else to do HIS job! I think we will go down that road for my own sanity but I do feel disappointed in him generally.

Sorry that turned into my own rant. I don't really know what you should do.

I have a very strongly defined view on what HE ought to do and think:

if you didn't want a second child you should have stuck a condom on

now that you do have a child & another one coming, thinking about whether you get bored fulfilling your responsibilities isn't really an option

life isn't really about having fun all the time: it's just as much about doing your duty, and anyone who told you different was kidding

it is quite possible your dw gets equally bored, but you wouldn't think much of her if she just left the baby uncared-for

your dw is a person in her own right so probably has similar needs of relaxation and me-time; if you are a half-decent person you should try to make sure your needs are evenly met

However, none of the above help you at all, OP. These are the things he should be working out for himself. He doesn't because he doesn't want to. No idea how to get round this. Lots of sympathy and