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3-year-old super clingy after house move

5 replies

53rdWay · 17/12/2017 10:49

DD is usually pretty independent, but since we moved house a few months ago she won't do ANYTHING on her own. She is happy to play independently at nursery, but when we're at home she wants interaction every single waking minute. It is constant and it is so, so exhausting, especially since DH is away a lot for work at the moment (although even when he's here, her preference is that it's me interacting with her and not anybody else).

I was hoping that just staying kind but firm and setting limits would help - "I'll play with you for ten minutes and then I'm going to do the laundry, you can come too if you want" and so on. But we've been doing just that for months now and no change. You would think she'd get tired of lying on the floor screaming in protest any time I'm doing housework or writing Christmas cards or gardening or whatever - nope! Sad

I know the move has been a big change for her and this is probably related to that, and I know it (probably? hopefully?) won't last forever - like I said she was a really independent little girl before this. But aaaargh, I am losing my mind! Give me some hope or some hints or something, please! Sad

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EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 17/12/2017 11:29

The only thing I found to help with separation anxiety was to go with it. It is exhausting, I can confirm that but if you do go with it, in my experience they get their independence back. So if you want to fold laundry, tell her that you need her help and give her a job to do alongside you, like finding matching socks. The Christmas cards, well I’d do them when she’s in bed, but that’s just me opting for the easy route Xmas Smile. Gardening is pretty easy with them at 3, you can get the watering or sweeping. If you want her to do anything along with you, I’d stress how it’s a very important job, it would be a big help and you’re trusting her to do it, ie making out that she’s doing you a big favour by being there with you.

endofthelinefinally · 17/12/2017 11:32

Its normal.
You have uprooted her from her familiar surroundings.
Of course it will take time and reassurance for her to feel safe.
What did you expect?

endofthelinefinally · 17/12/2017 11:43

Sorry pressed post too soon and got sidetracked.
Are you encouraging her to draw pictures of the new house, her new room, new kitchen etc?
Are you doibg tours of the new house and talking about it with her? What she likes/ dislikes?
Are you doing role play with duplo people or similar?
Do you do make believe play with suitcases/boxes etc?
These strategies will help her to work through the move and tslk about her anxieties.
Is she still at the same nursery she attended before the move? If so, that will be why she plays independently there.

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53rdWay · 17/12/2017 13:30

What did you expect?

Hmm oh thanks, very helpful. Yes OF COURSE I know the move has unsettled her, I said that in my post. I’m looking for advice and support on getting through it.

Yes we have done and are continuing to do a lot of role-plays, discussion about houses, looking at and drawing pictures.

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic I will keep trying with recruiting her to help at stuff (she used to love this!) but at the moment she just screams any time we’re doing something she isn’t actively choosing. I think it’s a way of feeling like she has some control over things.

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EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 17/12/2017 14:13

Ok, if she wants control hace you tried the two question trick? So, when she wants to get dressed you give her two options and let her chose which one she’ll wear, same with snacks and lunch. Pretty easy to swap this to activities. “Would you like to help Mummy fold these or would you like to match the socks”? A Granny suggested I did this when my 3 yo was similar. I think they just want a little control Xmas Smile

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