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Original poster

ds holding his wee in until he is crying with pain - advice please!

24 replies

Rhubarb · 22/04/2007 10:58

Potty training started on Monday. He is doing well but now it appears that he has started holding his wee in. He will go all night or all afternoon without a wee, until he is busting, then he'll sit on the potty crying and writhing in pain, with me cuddling him, until eventually the wee comes out and he smiles and tells me it's stopped hurting.

I thought this would pass but he's done it again this morning. I'm worried that he will damage himself.

Any experiences or advice please?

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WigWamBam · 22/04/2007 11:01

How old is he, Rhubs?

I'd be tempted to stop potty training for a bit, until he's more ready for it.

Original poster

Rhubarb · 22/04/2007 11:05

He's 3.4.

We did try potty training before Christmas but stopped when he was just having too many accidents for me to keep up with.

This time however he is saying that he needs a wee and really does want to do one, but psychologically something has changed and it hurts him. I really don't think he is doing it deliberately. He is so pleased when he does do a wee on the potty and we've promised him a big boy bed for his efforts, so it would be a shame to stop now.

Plus he has dry nappies at night. So he's not even weeing when he has them on.

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Original poster

Rhubarb · 22/04/2007 11:11

Someone else must have had experience of this surely?

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LowFatMilkshake · 22/04/2007 11:15

My DD was doing this about 2 months before she trained herself on the toilet - she would hold until she could hold no more and complained of tummy ache. Then she would either have an accident and get really upset, ask for a nappy or would pee in her bath.

So we let her go back to nappys. Then all of a sudden she nailed it all by herself she asked to wear knickers and was fine. She has just gone 3yr6mnth.

As wigwam says perhaps it's better to put it off again. Or let him where a pull up nappy as opposed to trainer pants. That way he can pee or potty.

Good luck

powder28 · 22/04/2007 11:16

He hasnt got a urine infection has he? Is his wee really smelly or dark?

Original poster

Rhubarb · 22/04/2007 11:21

No, his wee seems fine.

Trouble is I'm loathe to put nappies back on when he is doing so well. Also I'm not convinced that it would help now, he wears nappies at night but goes all night without weeing and is absolutely busting when I get him up. He cries that he wants a wee but can't see to do it.

I wondered if there was a technique to helping them relax enough to wee?

I suppose if it goes on I'll have to put him back in nappies. I was hoping someone would say that it was normal and would pass, nothing to worry about etc.

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LowFatMilkshake · 22/04/2007 11:28

Rhubarb, in Superdrug they sell some little blue balls with faces on which you put in the toilet to help your DS aim, would these make peeing more fun and perhaps help him relax if you made a game of it??

Original poster

Rhubarb · 22/04/2007 11:29

Blimey, we're not at the stage of him standing up yet!

And, to be perfectly honest, his willy is of the, erm, small side so I'm not sure how we'll, erm, tackle that one!

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LowFatMilkshake · 22/04/2007 11:33

Oops - sorry, my DD is a tall girl so just equated her size to a boy peeing standing up....

How about putting the balls in the potty for him so splash on??

powder28 · 22/04/2007 11:34

what about one of those urinal things that go on the side of the toilet? I have seen them on a website.They are called weeman or something like that. Might be on the babykind site, but can't remember.

Original poster

Rhubarb · 22/04/2007 11:38

The very fact that he is sitting on the potty and doing anything at all is a breakthrough tbh.

I really don't want to give up right now. I'll look into the urinal thing - thanks. But he does seem happy enough to sit on the potty and the toilet, he just can't get his wee out. He'll go hours now without weeing and later on this aft I'll end up sitting next to him on the floor hugging him whilst he cries with pain. He does want to wee, he's so happy when he does and he's looking forward to his 'big boy bed'. We've just got to break through this barrier and I thought perhaps other Mumsnetters had experienced the same thing and had gotten through it ok.

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powder28 · 22/04/2007 11:42

It is called weeman, there is a whole site about it. Sorry cant do the link thing but if you type in weeman on your address bar or search engine you will see it. I thought about this for my ds.

WigWamBam · 22/04/2007 11:43

Does sound like some kind of urine infection if he can't get his wee out. Might be worth seeing the GP with a urine sample.

Silly question - he's not constipated, is he? That can sometimes give dd trouble weeing too - don't know if it works the same with boys.

Original poster

Rhubarb · 22/04/2007 12:08

Not he's definitely not constipated as he's just done a poo in his pants!

If he is the same today I'll give NHS Direct a call. I thought it might be psychological, i.e. actually sitting on the potty to do it might subconsiously cause him to tense up and with practice he would learn to relax and it would be ok.

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MARGOsBeenPlayingWithMyNooNoo · 22/04/2007 12:16

Rhuby - my dd did this see here

although without the pain that your lo is suffering

I put a nappy on dd when i go out but sometimes she doesn't go for a wee all day.

Original poster

Rhubarb · 22/04/2007 18:21

Thanks, that link was really useful. Glad I'm not the only one!

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MARGOsBeenPlayingWithMyNooNoo · 23/04/2007 09:01

It took about a month before she was using the potty properly for wees.

She prefers her nappies for poos.

Now she takes her nappy/knickers off to wee on her own accord and only the occasional accident.

I would say that he will probably test you for the first few weeks. I seemed to lock myself away for the first month, don't do that if you value your sanity and freedom!

Good luck

Hulababy · 23/04/2007 09:03

I think there is a little sticker you can buy for pottys. When they get wet a picture appears. This might help???

Hulababy · 23/04/2007 09:05

My Wee Friend - scroll down the page. There are 4 animal characters to choose from.

MuminBrum · 23/04/2007 09:29

My DS always wees when he gets in the bath unless he has emptied his bladder immediately before he gets in. I have to have his potty at the ready because I can't always persuade him to go before he gets into the bath! Could you try putting his feet in warm water? I know it sounds a bit batty but it just might work.

gegs73 · 23/04/2007 14:02

Hi Rhubarb - my ds was EXACTLY the same. He was OK with poos but held in wees for hours and hours was wriggling in pain with it all, then would only let it out when he was absolutely desperate - sometimes after as much as 8/9 hours At the time, even if we put him a nappy on he wouldn't wee in their either again unless he was desperate so we had to ride with the problem.

Good news is, we just kept with it and slowly it got better and better. After 4 weeks he was sorted, though was still prone to holding onto it longer than he should.

Now a couple of months on he is quite the pro.

Only other things I can suggest are:
When he is holding try and ignore him, don't keep asking him if he wants to wee, try and carry on as normal (hard I know). Also ds would have to wee if I made him walk around - might be worth a try.

If he has an accident just wipe it up and say never mind etc.

Stickers/bribes to try and encourage him to let it out.

Nappies - if he will do this, ask him if he wants to wee in his nappy. Take pants off let him stand there and wee in nappy, then put pants back on when he is done. Ds would sometimes do this and at least he found out he could control his wee. Tell him next time if he does it in his potty he will get a treat.

Good luck - this is an AWFUL time, I even used to dream about it! However it will get better.

gegs73 · 23/04/2007 14:04

BTW forgot to say ds didn't have an infection or do himself any long term damage - just traumatised his Mother.

thelady · 08/05/2007 13:34

Brother is 7 years younger than me. Dad used to run a tap gently (with plug in) to help him pee - the sound of running water seemed to help.

Quasi · 08/05/2007 13:37

please get him checked out for a urine infection. It does sound as if he might well have one. Take a sample in a clean jar to the doctor's surgery. The nurse can test it then & there.

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